Boy, Oh Boy!

Four P's Friday- An Introduction

2012-01-27T13:03:00.000-08:00

This is a new thing. I've posted once before about this, but not as one of my new weekly topics. I decided that I really wanted to do this each week so I moved "Foto Fun Friday" to "Snapshot Saturday" and added this in as "Four P's Friday". To recap, it is described as:

Peaks- The highlights of the day/week. The good moments. Something overall positive that happened during the day/week.
Pits- The low point of the day/week. But, rather than just complaining about it, a way that looking back at it can be positive or a blessing in disguise.
Praises- Simply praising God for specific things that happened
Prayers- Prayer requests that may have arose from the new day/week or that have been lingering.

So, for this week:

Peaks: Feeling like everyday God is answering our prayers and my house is being restored to a place of happiness and love.
Pits: There are still some things that Jesse is struggling with, especially feeling overwhelmed with this stage of life having a newborn baby. I also got an email back from the church and their option for marriage counseling was really just to take a class for couples, following a curriculum where you do homework together but don't discuss it with the group. Not exactly what I had in mind. But I think that there's still hope for both of these issues and we're heading in the right direction.
Praises: I thank you, Lord, for answering our prayers. I thank you for the wise counsel of others, even when it's not what I wanted to hear. And I thank you for working through my obedience and sacrifice as I try to honor you in my marriage and show my husband the love and respect he needs.
Prayers: Please continue to teach me how to be the wife I need to be for Jesse and the heart of this house for my family. Prompt me to be sensitive to Jesse's needs and to "be the bigger person" even when it hurts. I also pray that you give us direction as far as the counseling goes, giving us clarity about taking the class or if we should pursue traditional counseling. Thank you for all that you are doing in my marriage and in my house. Thank you for providing for our needs and caring about the things we care about too.

Wordy Wednesday- Dr. Pepper and Prayers

2012-01-25T01:12:00.000-08:00

After my previous post about weariness, things didn't necessarily get better. I suppose it rarely happens like that. I continued to pray and seek God, but by Friday morning, I was still falling apart. I called my mom in tears. I was so angry at Jesse, more than anything. I mean, we were still broke and our dryer was still broken. The kids were still sick, his car was still broken down, and his school was still a mess. Nothing had really changed from before. However, all of the other stuff can be coped with more easily when you have the help of your spouse. But when your other half tells you that you're annoying, that you over-react to everything and are irrational, that you don't do anything and he does everything, and is unwilling to help when you ask for it, it makes you feel completely alone in everything else that you're facing.

In the midst of my phone call to my mom, my brother also called. So, when I was done with our conversation, I called my brother back. Both of them "lectured" me. I say "lecture" because it wasn't what I wanted to hear. They both ~~encouraged~~ lectured me to be the bigger person. David told me that Jesse was moping around the shop at work all day (they work together in case you didn't know) and that even though Jesse hadn't talked to him, he was sure that Jesse must be feeling down about things. David told me, specifically, to be encouraging and supportive of Jesse even if he was rude to me, and that Jesse was likely acting out because he wasn't happy with his own self. He said I should be the bigger person no matter what Jesse did. And he dared to suggest (I say in shock) that I may sometimes be irrational or over-react, and to at least consider if there was truth to that or how I could be better. NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR! My mom, in addition to saying I needed to be the bigger person, ~~advised~~ lectured me to find some time with God and to even call one of my MOPS friends and ask them to pray with me. I knew they were both right. But let me tell you that being the bigger person is not fun. It sucks. And when your heart is hurting, it's not an easy choice to make. And as much as I love my new MOPS friends and knew they'd support and love on me, I didn't feel like I had enough of a friendship foundation to completely lay out my drama before them. I'd never even talked to any of them on the phone. So, to call and ask for prayer in between sobs was a little more vulnerable than I was ready to be with them.

A few hours later, though, I drove to pick up Jesse from work and along the way bought a soda for each of us and a juice for Josiah. We had barely been talking to each other as of that morning, but Jesse noticed the soda right away and thanked me for getting it for him. It helped to ease the tension and slowly things started getting a little better. Saturday, Jesse seemed overwhelmed by the messy house and the kids' need for attention. I could tell he needed some time to himself. So I arranged for the kids and me to go to my mom's house for awhile. I didn't leave angrily, like before, I did it as a gesture of love for him, even though he was being fairly difficult. That evening, I dropped the kids back off at home and headed out to my MOPS group's Moms Night Out. We were meeting to go bowling and then have ice cream. I was super excited about this girls night. I had been all month, but during this trying time, I was thrilled to have something fun to look forward to.

I arrived at the bowling alley early and, little by little, other moms started showing up. It turns out, though, that despite calling two weeks ago to reserve our lanes, there was no record of our reservation nor a lane available to use right away. We were reassured that they would take care of it soon, but we had a little time to kill. One of the moms came up to me, having seen some of my recent posts on facebook about the trouble with Jesse's school and about my stress level, and asked me how I was doing. I teared up just recounting all of the drama of the recent weeks to her. And the more I talked, the more emotional I became. She had sympathy all over her face and put her arms around me in comfort. I told her how my mom said I should've called one of them to pray with me. She agreed that I should've, but said there was no wonder why our reservation was lost. She knew that God knew we needed this time and said that they should pray over me right then and there. So, the 6 or so of us that were there went outside for some privacy and they gathered around me to pray. They held my hands and put their arms around me and prayed as I just cried and cried. I can't even adequately express how much I needed that time and how appreciative I am of these ladies. We had a great time bowling. I won't say how terrible my score was, but it didn't matter. We had fun anyway.

And then we went across the street to Cold Stone Creamery for some ice cream where we chatted for the next 2 hours. It wasn't long enough. I could've hung out there all night long!

After a progressively better and better weekend, Jesse and I were talking about everything Monday afternoon. He was talking to me about this cycle that he gets stuck in and how irritated he then gets with things around him- an attribute that he doesn't like about himself. He finds himself annoyed with the kids and with me, and after further conversation tonight, I think that Jesse is feeling very overwhelmed, himself, with all of our lives' stresses. He even made a comment about feeling like the universe is against him- that people and businesses we are relying on don't call us back when they are supposed to and companies mess up our services through them. And then the house is messy and we can't afford things we need and the baby is crying and he begins to feel down and out. It's not all that different from how I was feeling. He was just lashing out at me in response to his stress. But, as we were talking, he said that Friday afternoon at work, he was just sulking and feeling like our marriage was falling apart. At that point, though, he wasn't caring too much. I know that David had a similar talk with Jesse as he did with me, but Jesse's response was that he didn't care how I felt and that although he wasn't planning on a divorce, he also just didn't care about me and my feelings. Now, I don't really think we were that close to divorce, and divorce is not something either of us ever plan on facing. But, when you get angry and resentment builds up, you find yourself not caring anymore. And then divorce doesn't seem that bad of an option. HOWEVER, when he got in the car that afternoon and saw the soda that I bought for him, it was a small gesture to just say that I still cared... I cared even though he didn't. And it was convicting for him. Being the bigger person went against everything I wanted to do, but God worked through it to mend wounds in our marriage- through a 20 oz bottle of Dr. Pepper... I can just see how different things would've been had I not gotten the soda and instead remained angry at Jesse. There would have been more bickering and more tension and things probably would've gotten progressively worse rather than better. If he was already thinking our marriage was falling apart, how much more would it have been solidified through further arguing?

Now, I know that a Dr. Pepper, some kind words, a few laughs and some kisses and hugs don't fix years of addiction and resentment and self-destructive cycles. But God is working in the midst of it. Much of the rest of our conversation was about seeking some Christian counseling in order to cope with the feelings that Jesse, especially, has been facing. This really is a regular cycle of being a fantastic, loving husband and wonderful father, working his butt off to put us first and provide for us, and then getting overwhelmed or frustrated and giving up. In the midst of giving up, he stops caring how I feel, lashes out at me and is rude. He gets angry with the kids and doesn't want to "deal" with them. He retreats to his computer and doesn't want to be bothered. This is often when he struggles the most with his tobacco addiction, no longer desiring to quit but deciding to do whatever he feels like doing regardless of how it affects the rest of us. I have been through this cycle so many times that I struggle with trusting him. I have resentment towards him for the things that have been said and done when he doesn't care. I have hurts and scars from the constant roller coaster of repeating this cycle over and over again. We do go on and live normal, relatively happy lives in between these cycles. But the constant process really eats away at the foundation of our relationship. And I do think it's important to address these issues that have long been laying beneath the surface. I've emailed the church and am waiting to hear back on the possibility of beginning counseling through them.

I think we're headed in the right direction. I think the forgiveness in our marriage and the encouragement and love are helping us to work through things together better. We will be getting a new washer and dryer through a generous donation. We're junking Jesse's car and hoping to get some extra cash out of that. And, in the meanwhile, at least our new 7-seater car that we bought in October is working well and holds all of us. Jesse is applying for school online at Linfield College, and I think it's a good move for his education and career. The kids are getting better with fewer snotty noses each day. There's always going to be problems that we face, but at least the present ones are finding some resolution.

And the marked improvement this week may have begun with a bottle of soda, but I truly believe that God has been working in our prayers. In fact, I take that back. It didn't begin with the soda. People were praying long before the soda was ever purchased. It began with the prayers- the prayers of my mom and my brother, the prayers of my MOPS group, the prayers of my friends online, and the prayers I uttered in the midst of my sighs and tears. I'm not done praying yet either. Lord knows we still need it! I need it on a daily basis to persevere past my frustrations and tiredness and towards doing what is right regardless. I need it because there will always been something broken, less money than I want, or a "crisis" of some sort. I need it to act in love when I don't feel loved first or in return. I need it to teach my kids to seek God in all that they do because, even though they are little now, they will learn from my example. Thank you to those who have been praying for me. I appreciate every one. And, I'd love to pray for you too if you need it. Just leave a comment or email me with your request.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

Snapshot Saturday 1/21/12

2012-01-21T12:00:00.000-08:00

(I don't know why this didn't post as scheduled, but here it is...)

January 14th:

(Josiah playing with Micah's toys, Micah caught rolling over!)

January 15th:

(Josiah playing with Daddy, Micah playing with Mommy)

January 16th:

(Josiah's happy dance because he has a banana, Micah's happy face because Zoe's playing with him)

January 17th:

(Josiah and Mommy, Micah and Tummy Time)

January 18th:

(Both boys crying at the same time. So I stop and took pictures! Ha ha!)

January 19th:

(Doing what they do- Micah during Tummy Time. Josiah turning the lights on and off, and on and off again!)

January 20th:

(Don't bother me. I'm eating/sleeping!)

Wordy Wednesday- Weariness

2012-01-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

I struggle with the words to accurately describe how inviting that verse is to me right now. What would it mean to lay everything before God and rest in Him? I'm reminded of my best guy friend my senior year in high school. We were so incredibly close. We would spend hours together curled up on the couch together, just watching TV or a movie. There was nothing sexual about it at all. We weren't interested in dating. We just were friends. But I remember very distinctly the comfort of laying in his arms with my head against his chest and my arms around his waist. I used to get so mad at him for always falling asleep in the middle of the movie, but he would tell me that it was just because he was so comfortable. I get that level of comfort. It makes sense to me. It was very different than being with Jesse. With Jesse, I craved his physical affection. I didn't want to sleep in his arms. I wanted to revel in every moment awake with him. I wanted to hold his hands, soaking in every tender touch, and I wanted to kiss him and listen to his heart beat in his chest, and I wanted to talk for hours about everything under the sun. I say that, so that you understand how innocent this friendship was. It wasn't the excitement of being with your love. It was the comfort of being in a safe place with your friend. That stands out in my mind because of how it made ME feel, but I suppose a more relate-able example would be the way your child falls asleep in your arms. The way you, as their momma, are their safe place. As I type this, Josiah is sitting next to me with his arm wrapped around mine. He lays his head against my upper arm and squeezes me tight saying, "Momma!" with excitement and adoration. He knows that he can always come to me for a hug or a kiss or to snuggle in my lap. And, my lap is one of the few places where he'll calm down enough to fall asleep, outside of his bed. In fact, when Josiah sleeps in bed with us, he has to hold onto my arm or be touching ME in some way (Daddy just isn't the same) and I see every muscle in his body relax and hear his breathing slow. He rests in that place. Whatever caused him anxiety or tears in his room, whether it was a bad dream or loneliness or the dark, no longer matters when he's in my arms.

That's how I imagine this verse to be- to come to Jesus and let go of all of your problems of the world weighing on your shoulders and to feel so at peace in His arms that you could fall asleep. And that doesn't even begin to convey the extent of what I know this verse means and the comfort that God gives us. Oh, how I crave that peace!

I'm finding myself completely overwhelmed by the STUFF if my life. Stuff that hurts my feelings and stuff that stresses me out. Stuff that exhausts me and stuff that isn't so bad but just happens to be piled onto other stuff and makes me feel like I'm being smothered. My life isn't terrible. I've had great days and great people in my life. So, anything that I list as a negative doesn't fully describe my entire life and day-to-day being. And sometimes it's hard to safely complain or even say something that's less than sunshine and butterflies without being judged as an uncaring parent/spouse or as ungrateful for the things God has blessed you with. But, life isn't perfect and this year is kicking my butt so far with the bad outweighing the good. I called my mom in tears today and poured out all of the hurt that I had built up inside. Of course, she can't fix it for me, as much as she wants to and as much as I WANT her to. She can only point me back to God and offer sympathy and love. That was better than nothing, though, and I NEEDED it.

I'm trying to keep perspective. I'm not dealing with the death of my husband or my son. I'm not even dealing with a serious illness (nothing more than a few snotty noses and occasional coughs). Money is tight but our bills are paid. We still have our jobs, which many people don't. My belly is full. My house is warm. And we have a car with a full tank of gas. Perspective makes my problems seem a little bit smaller.

My mom also reminded me to keep persevering. I told her, "Of course I am. The alternative is to quit. What am I going to do? Stop caring for my kids? Leave Jesse? Quit living? Those aren't options." She replied, "I know someone who just did that. She left her family in another state and just moved back home." Through my tears I said, "Well, I'm not looking at leaving. I just wouldn't mind a night off once in awhile!" Some people can't handle the pressures of life and don't have anything to gain strength from.

Today, through an amazing article I read and through affirming conversations with friends and family, I've found comfort in knowing that I'm not alone and that it's ok to feel frustrated or hurt or overwhelmed. My problems still exist for the moment... and when these pass, I'm sure they'll be replaced by new ones. I haven't had a chance to retreat to another room or place and surrender my burden to God without distraction, but several times today for a few moments each, I've tried to just take a deep breath and breathe out a prayer to God, even if it's just His name or plea for help. And I at least feel a little better than I did this morning. Most importantly, I am thankful to serve a God who not only cares for me, but is willing to take my burdens upon Himself and exchange my burden for His light load. I find comfort in knowing that that place even exists. I have the opportunity to take those feelings to God and let go of them. I can let go of the weariness and find rest for my soul. I'm still tired, but a little less weary. I want to rest in His arms and forget about everything else, not because it no longer exists, but because He's big enough to carry it for me. And I hope that if you're feeling weary right now, you find comfort in knowing you're not alone. But, more importantly, I hope you know that God offers relief for that weariness. And, if you need a safe place, maybe we can seek that comfort in God together.

10 Things Tuesday- 1/17/12

2012-01-17T01:12:00.000-08:00

10 Things I Love about My 5 Favorite People:

Micah:

1. His face lights up when he sees me, which makes me smile. But he also smiles at any new face he sees, which makes other people smile. And I love seeing people delight in my baby.

2. He falls asleep in my arms and seems to relax easier there than anywhere else. Then I just get to snuggle and kiss on my baby boy.

Josiah:

3. I love seeing him dance (it's so funny!), sing (especially songs he makes up), play games (he gets so excited), and learn new things everyday (this week he says "see you later, alligator!"). Everything is new and exciting and I am overflowing with pride and joy for my awesome 2 year old boy!

4. He loves his momma and she loves him! It makes my heart so happy when he yells "Momma!" and runs to me to give me a big hug and kiss, even if he just saw me minutes ago.

Jesse:

5. He works so incredibly hard to support our family and be the best husband and father he can be. This includes working hard at his job, making good grades and studying hard for school, helping around the house, playing with the boys, making time for me.

6. He's almost always the first to say he's sorry and make things right. It's something I struggle with and a way that he is strong where I am weak. And his willingness to see his own faults (where I often can't see my own) and strive to be better is one of the things that makes our marriage work.

David (my brother):

7. He's one of the funniest people I know, and I love that we can have a good time together whether it's a serious theological discussion, singing a Disney song together, or watching our favorite TV shows together. I love having him hang out with me, even if it's just to do laundry at my house.
8. He's also one of the most considerate people I know. I think I'm pretty empathetic and thoughtful, but David will go out of his way to take a gift to someone when it wasn't even on my mind. He's also constantly reminding me to remember someone's birthday or to be mindful of saying something that could hurt someone else's feelings. He points out the little things, like turning off my headlights while waiting in a drive-thru line so I don't blind the people in front of me. I don't always need reminders, but sometimes I do. And all of these show me on a regular basis how much he cares about the people around him.

My Mom:
9. My mom is my bestest friend in the world. I can talk to her about everything... AND I DO! I love shopping with her and going out to dinner, doing crafts together or watching TV, celebrating holidays and talking on the phone. We often find enjoyment in the same things and I love sharing them with her.
10. I've said it once and I'll say it a million times: I have the utmost respect for my mom. I love her heart for God and her willingness to share everything God gives her with other people, including financially, in encouragement, in prayer, in material possessions, in time, and in the countless other ways I can't even think of. She reminds me daily to seek God in my life and is a living example of the advice she gives to me. I adore her.

MOPS Monday- T-Shirt Scarves Craft

2012-01-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

For our first meeting of 2012, we had a swap meet. Anyone could bring baby or maternity-related item, such as clothes, toys, baby gear, etc. and then anyone could take what they want from the items brought. There was no obligation, though. You could take even if you didn't bring, and it didn't have to be an even exchange. Anything that was left over will be donated to the Lane Pregnancy Support Center. So, while discussing ideas for our craft project that meeting, the idea of "out with the old and in with the new" was mentioned. I went over several ideas (mostly inspired by Pinterest) and settled on the idea of making t-shirt scarves. I browsed the internet and came across several variations and many, many tutorials. I gleaned inspiration from many sources and combined ideas from each to create my favorite aspects of them all, but I will link to the main tutorials I used. I, specifically, only used tutorials for no-sew scarves since it'd be hard to use sewing machines at our MOPS group, and not very many people are good at sewing.

For the first one, I made this scarf:

I was inspired by this blog and this scarf on etsy.

I didn't intend to use all of the same colors as these since I looked at tons of examples, but now that I post them together, I see how similar they are. I have a few differences, though. For one, I didn't bind both ends of the scarf separately. I thought that seemed a little odd if you were just going to loop it around your neck twice anyway. If you didn't loop it twice, then the binding on the other side might seem out of place. So, instead, I looped the scarf around and bound them both at once. (That's not very clear in the picture, since it's behind the hanger.) I also did make a flower like the one pictured just by googling fabric flower tutorials, and I didn't like the way it turned out it as much. So I tried one like this:

and didn't like it either. So, I went back to the kind I normally make, which is like this:

I got that tutorial from Pinterest, but the site the picture is linked to no longer works. You can get all of the details from the picture, though. It's SO EASY and pretty much fail-proof! I like my flowers bigger than the 5x5, though, and usually make them 8x8 since that's the biggest I can get from one sheet of felt. I just used a safety pin to attach the flower and it's pretty well hidden. But if I were going to wear this regularly, I'd find a neater way of attaching it.

The 2nd scarf I made was this one:

I first had it as one really long scarf and looped it around the neck 2-3 times. The ends seemed too "scrawny", though, compared to how bulky the neck part was. So, then I folded the scarf in half to see if that looked better. It did, but I didn't like one end open and the other closed. Finally, I decided that it may look best as an infinity scarf, so I removed the end loop and attached the beginning and end together instead. Then I looped it around the neck twice. I, personally, like this variation the most.

I was inspired by this blog:

They used Auburn colors and t-shirts to make their scarf, so I, naturally, carried that over to make an Oregon Duck scarf myself. I do, of course, live in the city of the Ducks and we are now Rose Bowl Champions. So, it seemed like a perfect thing to do. They used 32 rings made from 4 different shirts. Since I only wanted to use yellow and green, I did each one 16 times. I'm not sure if I did anything else differently from the tutorial, but I was a little disappointed at how flimsy my scarf appeared. I guess in pictures it doesn't look that much different, but it wasn't my favorite.

Finally, I made this scarf, which is the one I was most excited about and is my favorite style:

I used this blog for inspiration and while I loved ALL of her colors and flowers, I chose this one as my main source:

This is the same blog I got the felt flower tutorial from earlier, but since I didn't like how mine turned out, I used the same flower as the first scarf, just in a different color. I really wanted to do it in grey, black, or white with my scarf, but I happened to be out of all of those colors. So, I used a baby blue instead. I also tried a variety of different width spirals, so I had some strands longer/shorter than others. This was because I had no idea how long it would come out. I also used a 12" plate rather than a 9" one and I used a 2X shirt, still coming up with 10 circles. I did notice that the middle of your spiral curls more nicely than the outside, so I tried to turn some strands one way and the others the other way to make it full on both sides. And, if one strand hung down too long, I just trimmed it accordingly. I then used the hem of the t-shirt to tie the scarf together below my neck, and then I attached my flower to the tie with a safety pin. I was really nervous about how much other people would like these. They seem so popular and trendy online, but how would it translate to real life? And it wasn't very helpful when I modeled them for my husband and his response was, "Eh..". But he's a guy. So what does he know? I was thrilled when I wore the white ruffle scarf to our steering meeting and was instantly greeted by one of the girls saying, "You look so cute! I love your scarf!" I replied, "Yay! I'm so glad you like it because this is our craft project this week!" And the girls seemed overall impressed that it was made from t-shirts.

My next dilemma was how to do this cost-effectively. Who knew that new plain t-shirts were so expensive? Well, expensive relative to my TINY budget! I can spend about $50 on average per craft project and must plan for about 25 people. That's $2 per person. However, I was unable to find any shirts for less than $3.33 a piece. At Joann's, I found the shirts that they use for appliques and painting at 3/$10. This would be around $80 for all of the shirts I need, and even with a 10% off coupon, I'd still be WAY over budget. At Michael's, these same shirts were $3.99 each. I even tried Value Village, a local thrift store for used shirts, and struggled to find ones cheaper than $5. REALLY?!?! And those were stained or dingy looking. This was after looking at Target too, where all of their shirts were $5-12. If you were only going to make your own, this would be fine. But in the quantity I need to purchase, it just wouldn't work. My last idea was to check out WalMart, where I was able to get a package of men's shirts with 4 shirts for ~$10. That made them just over $2/ea. When I brought up the issue to the steering committee, they suggested that each of them bring 3-4 shirts from home. With 8 steering members, that'd be 24+ shirts. We also announced it on facebook and asked members to bring any shirts they had from home as well. Then I bought one package of the shirts from WalMart to cover any extra members or if people forgot.

We had our meeting last Thursday. The swap seemed to go over well. There were lots of items brought, and I think lots left over. I was happy to clear out a large portion of toys from my over-crowded house too! Not everyone participated in the t-shirt scarf craft. I'm not sure if the people who didn't participate are just not interested in crafts in general, not interested in this particular scarf, or if they were just busy with the swap meet instead. For those who did participate, I had excellent feedback. One girl did the ruffle scarf and used a t-shirt with a large graphic on the chest. I wasn't sure how this would work out because of the stretching, but it actually turned out really cool. With that particular style, you don't stretch it much, so the graphic wasn't distorted or broken but added cool pops of color through the scarf. It seemed like the felt flower was the most popular aspect of the entire craft too, just from watching people's reactions and seeing their excitement. I think that they loved how forgiving it was, how simple, and that it looked really great in the end even in their imperfections. Because not everyone participated, there were lots leftover. I left them in our craft closet for future use after telling everyone that they could take home extras to try other styles and colors too.

If you try this craft, on your own or at MOPS, please let me how it worked for you. I'd love to hear what worked and what didn't or any advice for making it better in the future!

Secrets

2012-01-15T23:54:00.000-08:00

Psssst.....

Shh! Come here....

A little closer...

I've got a secret.

Promise you won't laugh!

...or roll your eyes...

I've started planning Josiah's 3rd birthday and Micah's 1st birthday.

Let me remind you that Josiah turns 3 in August (7 months away) and Micah is only 10 weeks old right now...

I CAN'T HELP IT!!!!

Hey! You promised not to laugh!

In my online baby group (for moms of August 2009 babies), someone asked what parties we have coming up in 2012. The only events I have planned so far are the boys' birthdays. And I've had an idea rolling around in my head since I was pregnant of one birthday theme. I just wasn't sure if I should save it for the future or which boy I should do it for. The question got me thinking... and the more I thought... the more I wanted to pin down some ideas. So I went to PINTEREST!

The idea that I have for Micah's 1st birthday... probably... is an Oregon Duck football theme. If you're not from this area, then you may not understand that I live in Duck City, USA. This is home to the University of Oregon, and the #3 loudest stadium in the country is only 3 miles from my front door. Even though I don't understand football and can barely tolerate watching a game, when it comes to the Ducks, you can't help but be a fan and it's the only football game I'll even put effort into watching. It's necessary to have at least one Oregon hoodie in your closet, as well as a Duck decal on your car, and a U of O blanket on your bed. So, back to the party, I was thinking of how fun it would be to have a cute Oregon Duck football party, complete with yellow and green decor, footballs and rubber duckies everywhere, and stadium food to eat. I have many more ideas, but the pictures of them don't exist yet ;-) so you'll have to wait 9 1/2 more months to see them (or at least until I start making party decor... which might be next week at this rate!). You can check out my ideas on my full pinterest board here, but here are some highlights:

(all of these and the following pictures are on my boards and linked to their original sources)

So, if I do this theme for Micah's birthday, I was left with what theme to do for Josiah's. He is still an avid Mickey Mouse fan- his favorite of all characters and tv shows. But we did Mickey Mouse for his 2nd birthday. And his second favorite show/movie is Horton Hears a Who, but we did a Dr. Seuss theme for his 1st birthday! Being the party planner that I am, I can't repeat a birthday theme like that! Now, I know I have 7 months for Josiah to grow and his interests to change, but if I'm considering his likes right now, I was left with nothing else that he really loves THAT much. However, I've come up with a few themes. Here are my top 3 favorites:

1) One thought I had, actually the most recent one, was a Lego party. If there's one toy that Josiah loves more than others it's his building blocks/Lego's. You can use real Lego's wherever possible, Lego molds to make candy, soap, or crayons (just specify so the latter 2 aren't eaten as well :-) ). Pretty much anything that's a rectangle or square can have dots added to it to make it a Lego as well. Lots of bright colors and seems pretty easy to do!

2) The next thought I had was a superhero party. Without seeing pictures and only going by the themes I told him, this was Jesse's first choice for Josiah's birthday party. I, of course, want to make capes and masks for every child that may come and even a bib for the little babies that might be there! How can you resist the telephone booth, where Clark Kent transforms into Superman?! And you can use speech bubbles and action words everywhere to make everything POP!

3) My favorite theme, which I think would be adorable at Josiah's pre-school age, and is perfect for August and especially the area we live is a camping themed party! You can use s'mores in a million different ways:

You can also do a trail mix bar, "worms in dirt" (gummy worms and Oreo's), "ants on a log" (raisins on peanut butter and celery), bear claws, "catch of the day" (swedish/gold fish), "twigs" (pretzels), "bait" (gummy worms), "grizzly bears" (gummy bears), and "snakes" (red vines).

In addition to food, tents and sleeping bags can be laid out, hobo bags (bindles) for favors- including flashlights and canteens to take home, rustic signs and teddy bears, and anything that includes sticks, bugs, fishing, etc. can be easily incorporated.

With this theme, living in the Pacific Northwest gives us a great advantage. I wouldn't want to host the party too far from town, but it'd be easy to have it in the country or even at a campsite.

What would your vote be?

Of course, as the months go by and it becomes more reasonable to ACTUALLY be planning their parties, I'll narrow down the details and post about the things I start making. It doesn't hurt to start thinking, though, right?

Someone tell me I'm not crazy...

Wordy Wednesday & Thirsty Thursday- An Introduction

2012-01-14T20:12:00.000-08:00

Why do I even assign things to days of the week when I'm rarely successful at posting it on time? You know why? Just because the names are catchy! That's why!!! I roll my eyes at myself... and then I write this on Saturday and publish it anyways. LOL :-)

Forget "Wordless Wednesday"! I've got too much to say!!! So, I want to use Wednesdays to share whatever is going on in my life or whatever I have on my mind. On Thursdays, I want the posts to have a spiritual emphasis. This means, sharing something I'm studying in my devotional (I'm reading "Jesus Calling") or something I heard in church or something that God is teaching me in the midst of my everyday circumstances.

Since I'm behind on posting these days, I want to combine them to share about something that's going on and how we're seeking God in the midst of it. So, my post today is regarding a problem with Jesse going to school.

The past week has gone better than "expected" as far as the stress level and how we're each coping with the physical and mental demands we have on us. He's been gone 15 hours a day, but I've been trying to make sure that he comes home to a clean and happy house. He's been trying to make sure that he comes home with a helpful and supportive attitude and make time for me and the kids. Overall, I think things have been better than they were before.

But to back up a bit, in the previous years that Jesse has attended school, he hasn't always been consistent with his classes. He's dropped classes mid-term and given up on school only to decide to go back later. A lot of this was in the midst of having Josiah, as well as struggling financially to pay our mortgage and beginning the short sale process. It was just too hard to focus and be successful in school when every other part of his life seemed so chaotic. So, when Jesse began the fall term of school this year, he was on financial aid suspension for dropping too many classes. In order to appeal this and be approved for financial aid, he submitted a letter detailing his reasons for dropping the classes before and his plan to do better now and was instructed to take a "getting back on track" course. He took the class fall term, received his financial aid, and ended the term with 2 A's and a B, all in the midst working full time and balancing a family with a very pregnant wife and subsequent newborn baby. Class ended in December and we were very proud of the work Jesse had done and his good grades. But then, just as we were about to go shopping, days before Christmas, we checked our mail and found a letter saying that Jesse was again put on financial aid suspension. We didn't understand what he had possibly done wrong and were certain that it must've been an error. But at this point, no one was on campus in the offices due to the holiday break. So we would have to wait until December 28th to even be able to talk to anyone about it.

That evening when we got home, Jesse pulled up his online school account and discovered the problem. The policy of the school is that you must pass 67% of your classes with a 2.0 or higher. His GPA was a 3.6 or something like that, and he had passed all of the classes this term, but when he looked at the classes for all of the years he had been enrolled in college, he found that he had attempted a certain number and passed a certain number, leaving him with a 65% pass rate. Only 2% shy. And because it was based on all of the classes he had ever taken, it really didn't matter what he did that term because no matter how good of grades he received, he wasn't taking enough classes to get him up to the 67%. We figured out that he only needed one more 2 credit class to have met the 67% rate, but no one ever told him this and now it was too late. We knew that it was possible to appeal the suspension again, just as we had last term, and Jesse even found online a place where it said that he would likely be approved due to the circumstances- having passed all of the classes he had taken that term despite not meeting the 67%. So, Jesse submitted his appeal immediately and we just had to wait for staff to be back at work after the holidays.

On January 9th, Monday of this week, Jesse's appeal had not yet been approved, but he felt confident that everything would go through and he needed to begin his classes despite not having heard back yet. So he bought his books and adjusted his schedule and started classes and homework. This was a new challenge for us, as I mentioned in previous posts, because of him working about 34 hours a week (only less than 40 because of the time he was missing work to attend class in the middle of the morning), attending class in the evenings, and trying to balance homework and family time. But he's been working very hard, as have I, and we've been successfully surviving this past week. Yet, as of Thursday, Jesse had still not yet had his appeal approved. So, he went to the financial aid office and was told that if he hadn't heard back yet, he probably was not going to be approved. The word "probably" made the whole situation really confusing and disappointing. Being denied seemed so unfair after everything Jesse had done, and yet there was still a possibility that he may not be denied...? And the timing of it added to the frustration. This was Thursday, and Jesse needed to drop his classes by Sunday if he wasn't going to receive financial aid, or we would have to pay the $1300 for the term out of pocket. And we were told that since appeals wouldn't be processed on Saturday or Sunday, then if he hadn't heard by Friday, he definitely wasn't getting accepted.

When Friday afternoon rolled around and Jesse still hadn't heard, he called the school and was told that appeals had already been processed. So even though he hadn't officially been told that he had been denied, it was implied so. This left us with the decision to pay out of pocket or drop out of school completely. We spent a lot of time praying about it and asking God for direction, and in the end, we felt like dropping the classes was the better of the two options. We weren't sure that we'd be able to pay for the term anyway, and since Jesse wasn't totally sure what career he was going for, it seemed unnecessary to fight so hard to stay. Either way, though, it meant NOT receiving the refund check we were expecting- a refund that exceeds our normal month's income and that we needed to replace Jesse's car that broke down as well as pay for a new washer and dryer that we badly need. And, without the check, our finances are pretty tight this month, leaving $7 remaining after paying all of our bills and buying minimal groceries and gas.

We're believing that God is in control, though, and telling Him that we trust Him even when there's a lot of fear. And in the midst of it, He's giving us peace and strengthening our relationship with each other. As I mentioned at the beginning, I am reading the devotional "Jesus Calling". I'll leave you with the daily reading for January 4th, something I've been reminded of daily since then and something I'm working on applying to each situation we face:

I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying, "I trust You, Jesus" in response to whatever happens to you. If there is time, think about who I AM in all My Power and Glory; ponder also the depth and breadth of My Love for you.

This simple practice will help you see Me in every situation, acknowledging My sovereign control over the universe. When you view events from this perspective- through the Light of My universal Presence- fear loses its grips on you. Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in Me no matter what. You receive blessings gratefully, realizing they flow directly from My hand of grace. Your continual assertion of trusting Me will strengthen our relationship and keep you close to Me.

Snapshot Saturday (no longer a day late)- 1/14/12

2012-01-14T19:52:00.000-08:00

January 7th:

(Josiah's new favorite movie is Horton Hears a Who, and Micah's new favorite thing is to smile at everyone!)

January 8th:

(Josiah covered in chocolate from ice cream and counting on his fingers. Micah eating... what he does best)

January 9th:

(Neither of my boys want to be bothered with silly pictures!)

January 10th:

(Josiah sleeping in the car- mid meal, Micah smiling at his mobile on his swing)

January 11th:

(Splish Splash, my boys are taking a bath!)

January 12th:

(With mommy!)

January 13th:

(Our days consist of playing and sleeping... and not much else :-) )

10 Things Tuesday- An Introduction

2012-01-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

The idea behind "10 Things Tuesday" is to do a bullet-point-style blog about whatever is on my mind, or essentially, what's going on in my life this week. These can be things I'm thankful for, prayer requests I have, questions I'm pondering, 10 things I'm doing this week, 10 tasks that need to be done... you get the idea. It's a way to just post quickly and record/share what's going on without writing out a novel of a blog post.

So for today, I want to share 10 things I'm doing to organize my life and house:

I am trying to start in one part of the house and go room-by-room, de-cluttering as I go. Today, I started with the kitchen...
I organized the cupboard full of food so that like items were together.
I cleared off the counters and microwave and on top of the fridge. These are places that accumulate miscellaneous items.
One major problem area is all of our papers and mail that tend to pile up on the counter. While I have sorted through these papers many times, I never actually finish the process. So, I threw out all of the trash/junk paper and organized the bills and other important papers (like paycheck stubs) into binders.
When we moved in July, I had begun sorting through papers and ended up filling a tote full of mail and papers. This has not been sorted since and has been piled in a stack of boxes in our bedroom closet. Today I opened the tote and began to do the same with all of these papers as I did with the others.
I made a shelf on the bookshelf in our desk area to hold all of my important "business" stuff. I compiled all of my event planning curriculum that I haven't started together so that it is easy to access. I added the binders full of bills and paycheck stubs as well as our medical records to the shelf. All of my envelopes are there too. And printer paper and labels finish off the shelf.
I am in the process of creating my own household binder, where I have a planner, tools for cleaning, cooking, and the activities in my life.
I am going through all of both boys' old clothes and Josiah's toys to donate at the swap meet we are having at MOPS this Thursday. This eliminates clothes that neither boy will ever wear again and toys that Josiah doesn't play with or need anymore.
I plan to rotate Josiah's toys so that some baskets are in his bedroom closet where he cannot reach them and some are in the living room on a bookshelf where he has constant access to them. These will rotate every week so that he can play with them all without having them all on the floor at once.
Lastly, for this list at least, I created these weekday posts for my blog so that I have direction in what I can/need to share on my blog. It helps me to post about different subjects throughout the week, including many of the various things I am involved in or care about.

MOPS Monday- An Introduction

2012-01-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

I've decided to pick a topic to post about each Monday-Friday. You got your first glimpse of it when I posted Foto Fun Friday on Saturday of all days! These should be fairly self-explanatory since I included a description with each daily picture, but I'll use this week to explain each day. I may not post them every single weekday, but I think it'll help give me direction when I'm not sure what to talk about. And, hopefully, it'll add some diversity and interest to my blog posts.

Mondays are MOPS Mondays. MOPS stands for "Mothers of Preschoolers". I heard about the group a few years back from online friends who attended in other parts of the country. With Josiah being so young back then, I didn't think I fit the criteria for joining, and I also had no idea how to even get started. When Josiah turned two, someone brought it up to me again and I was very interested in I ended up googling it in my hometown and then emailing the contact person on the site. I was then referred to the person who was in charge this year and found out the information for joining. It was perfect timing because the group was about to start for the year just a few weeks later. At the very first meeting, they announced that several of the leadership positions were unfilled, and a friend of mine strongly encouraged me to step into the craft coordinator position. I knew nothing of the group, but was excited to be a part of it and figured that if God gave me the creative ability, I was willing to use it however He wanted me to... even if I was 8 months pregnant!

I didn't even know how MOPS meetings worked or what the craft coordinator did, but in the following 3 1/2 months, this is what I've learned at least speaking for our group:

Although the group is called mothers of preschoolers, it encompasses moms with kids birth to 6 years old. It's a Christian-based group, hosted by a local church according to region. Ours covers the Springfield/Eugene area of Oregon and is hosted by Springfield Faith Center. Being a Christian group, we pray together and discuss topics relevant to motherhood from a Christian perspective. But it is not exclusive to Christians only.

Meetings are held from 9:30-11:30am on the 2nd & 4th Thursdays of the month. We share announcements for the month. We celebrate upcoming birthdays by having members pick a gift from a basket of goodies. We celebrate anniversaries by having the moms pick a Hershey kiss from a basket- one for every year of marraige. We celebrate birth announcements by having moms choose a package of Saltine crackers from a basket. And, as an added bit of fun, the crackers are wrapped with a blue or purple ribbon which indicates whether they'll have a boy or girl. We typically have a theme for the week and have a speaker come share about that specific topic. We have brunch food to snack on, discuss the topic in our group with discuss questions, and do a craft project together.

At these meetings, members are divided up into tables, which stay the same each week. The tables have about 6 members. There is a steering member, who is one of the leaders of a portion of MOPS. Their jobs probably cover way more than I am aware of, but these are the basic job descriptions.

We have one steering member who leads the entire group, keeping everything organized and coordinating topics, the other steering members, and overseeing all operations.
There's a steering leader for Public Relations. She works as an administrator for our facebook page, is the contact person for new moms who want to join, creates business cards for members to pass out to friends and advertise, and designs the monthly newsletter.
One steering member is in charge of Moppets, which is the kids program. We have a nursery for 0-2 year olds, a 2 year old class, and a 3-5 year old class where all of the kids are watched during our meeting. The Moppets coordinator organizes the lesson plans and snacks for the older kids.
There's a Discussion Leader coordinator. She comes up with the questions that each table will discuss at the meetings and coordinates with the discussion leader at each table.
There's a hospitality coordinator who arranges for the brunch to be brought each week by one of the tables. She also arranged for meals to be brought to me when I gave birth to Micah. I'm sure she does so much more, but I'm not sure what it all entails.
There's a steering leader who is in charge of all of the finances. She coordinated all of the membership applications and handled registration fees. She coordinates all of the fundraisers and keeps everyone informed of the budget.
There's the mentor mom coordinator. She is in charge of all of the mentor moms, which is explained below.
And then there's me! I'm the craft coordinator. I choose a craft project each week to line up with the theme/topic covered at the meeting. I buy all of the supplies and teach everyone how to do the project.

In addition to the steering member at each table, there's a mentor mom. This is a mom who has older, even grown kids. She can be a source of encouragement and advice for the younger moms. And, the mentor moms LOVE to hold all of the little babies, which gives the moms a break and the ability to use BOTH of their hands for eating or craft time (something that I, as a mom of a young baby, appreciate!). Then there are about 4 moms who are just regular MOPS members. One of these women usually is assigned or steps up to be the discussion group leader. She has a binder with all of the table's members information. She writes down prayer requests each meeting, and she checks in with each member throughout the week to see how they are doing.

When I started as the craft coordinator, I had no idea what all of the rules were or what a typical craft project would be like. In our group, I started with $700 for the year, covering September to May. There are usually 2 meetings a month, but in November and December we only had one because of the holidays. I figured out that there would be about 12-13 meetings for the year. This would make about $54 per meeting and, with roughly 25 members at each meeting, this leaves me with $2.15 per person per craft. Not much for someone who loves to do crafts, but I like the challenge! I then started to peruse the web for craft ideas and found that there's not a lot out there. I'm so thankful for pinterest! Not only have I been able to link up with other people who have MOPS craft boards and share ideas, but I've been able to add other crafts that I have found to the list of possible projects. My other big challenge is time. I have from 11-11:30 for crafts. This time is also shared with the discussion question time. And, we only have one table where all of the crafts are usually placed. Each table is able to come up one at a time and gather their supplies. If they take 5 minutes, there's only 5 minutes left for the last table to do their craft at all. I've recently tried to separate the crafts into trays that can be taken to each table to eliminate the wait time. This seems to be a good adjustment, but it adds to the prep-time for each project, and it means that I have to have at least 4 of each tool/supply, 1 for each table to use. Some meetings I am allowed more time, but it's all dependent on what the topic is and how long the speaker goes.

Aside from our regular meetings on the 2nd and 4th Thursdays, on the first Thursday of every month, the steering members meet together to plan and discuss ideas for the upcoming month. Then on the 3rd Thursday of the month, moms can do an activity (with their kids) somewhere in town with the other moms from MOPS. This is an opportunity to get out and have a fun playdate, a way to include their kids (since kids are not included in our usual meetings), and a way to meet and build relationships with moms who are not at your table. We've gone to the fire station, the apple orchard, done a nature walk, and sang Christmas carols at a retirement home. Finally, there's a Mom's Night Out. This is done another day of the week, once a month, and allows the moms to go out, without their kids, and just have fun with each other. We had dessert in October, went shopping in November, wrapped presents and had fun talking together at someone's house in December, and in January we plan on going bowling.

In the upcoming weeks, I will share about our previous meetings and, specifically, the craft projects we do each week. I'll try to include tutorials or links to tutorials for each craft and let you know what our plans are for the month. For those who are friends with me and usually follow my blog, this lets you know what I'm up to as well as gives me the opportunity to share the crafts I love to do. For those who stumble upon this blog through a search for MOPS, I hope to be a new resource and help others who are in the same position as I am to find new ideas for their groups.

I can tell you that I have been incredibly blessed by my MOPS group so far. I came into it excited to learn something new and make new friends, and I'm thrilled, just a few short months later, to have met some women that I adore. I'm so excited to be building relationships with these lovely ladies and for Josiah to even make some new friends too. How awesome is it that most of these women that I've come to know also have 2 year old boys. In fact, our whole group is overflowing with 2 year old boys! I have met some of the sweetest people I've ever known. I've had women pray for me, which I so appreciate, who barely even know me. I had more MOPS friends visit me in the hospital after Micah's birth than friends that I've had for years. I was overjoyed to receive hot meals delivered to my house for 3 weeks following Micah's birth. I never had this with Josiah and it was a huge blessing for me. I've had people offer to babysit for me or have playdates or help me with anything that arises. And, I'm so glad I stepped up as the craft coordinator because it gives me the opportunity to engage with the entire group and forces me to step out as a leader. Without it, it'd be easy to sit back at my table and never answer a question out loud to the large group. No one would even know who I was. In addition, being a steering member gives me the chance to interact with the other steering members more often than twice a month.

So, here are MOPS Mondays! Next week, I'll share this week's craft project, which is to make t-shirt scarves. Interested? You'll learn all about it soon enough!

Updated Expectations

2012-01-08T00:30:00.000-08:00

Since I last posted about everything that was going on between Jesse and me, things have vastly improved and are pretty much back to normal. I spent those following days really angry at him. Coming from someone who never cusses, my mind would be filled with angry and profane things I wanted to yell at him. Coming from someone who is not violent at all, I wanted to hit him- I suppose wanting to inflict pain on him since he hurt me (only emotionally, though). I knew this was not a Godly way to feel, though- I'm just being honest- so I kept surrendering all of those feelings and thoughts to God every time they arose. I tried to talk civilly to him and carry on like life was normal, but just below the surface, I was boiling with anger. So, if he he did anything that rubbed me the wrong way, all of those negative emotions came up with great intensity. And, again, I'd have to take it to God. After a few days, with a lot of prayer, devotional time, and careful consideration, I realized that I couldn't just stay mad at him forever. Either I had to let go of my anger NO MATTER WHAT HE DID, or the animosity between us was going to tear us apart. And, considering that as angry as I was, I still in no way was seeking a divorce, I realized that it had to be the first option. So, I finally told Jesse that I didn't want to be angry anymore and wanted things to be better between us. I even told him about my word for the year "expectations" and my prayers for him, and the things that God was teaching me through it all. I told him that I struggled to not be angry since he didn't seem apologetic, and that I didn't know how it was possible to not have expectations of him, but that I was trying to surrender it all to God instead and allow Him to teach me through it. He seemed to appreciate it all and respect it.

In the days after that, we have slowly been able to work back to normal. We've held hands again and kissed again and said "I love you" again. We've laughed together and had intimate time together and worked together to accomplish the tasks necessary for our house to function. When something is said that starts to stir up an argument, I've been saying, "Do you really want to start a fight?" And often Jesse says that that's not what he meant by it and clarify it, allowing us to avoid an argument and communicate a little better. We've both agreed that we enjoy kissing and making up much more than fighting and being distant.

In the meanwhile, I've learned that Jesse is trying to stop smoking/chewing again and going back to chewing the Nicorette gum. However, he is hesitant to tell me that he's officially quitting because he doesn't want to let me down again. And I told him that I wasn't going to have any expectations about it. I had to be okay with him smoking the rest of our lives if that's what it meant. As much as I hate it, I can't imagine choosing divorce because he decided to be a smoker. So, I just have to take it to God instead. I'm praying that he is able to overcome it, but I'm resigning to the fact that God is in control regardless.

I think things are about to get hard again, though, and we're going to be really tested in the upcoming weeks. Jesse starts school on Monday and his schedule will be absolutely insane. He will be going to work everyday at 6:30am and getting off at 3pm. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he will leave work around 8:30am and go to school to attend a class before coming back to work at 10:30am. And Monday through Thursday, he will also go back to school after work from 6 or 7pm to 8 or 9pm. Most of these days, he will likely go straight to school after work to study, complete homework, and get an early start to his class. This means that he will be gone about 15 hours a day, 4 days a week, and 8 hours the 5th day! While he has Friday nights and weekends off, I can't imagine that he'll really be "free". I'm sure he's going to need more time to complete homework or study on those nights too. And even though I will be home alone with both kids the entire time he's gone, I can't just throw my hands up in the air and say, "They're all yours!" as soon as he walks in the door. I have to be mindful of how hard he's working and that he needs free-time as well. I'm scared that we're both going to be pushed to the max and I've seen how hard this has been on our marriage in the past. We know that we're both going to need to put God first, and to communicate with each other often, and to be mindful of each other's needs. But I know how easy it is to be overcome with stress and turn on each other instead. It's going to take a lot of prayer and a lot of patience.

I was worried about it before we had our big New Year's Eve blowup. I was afraid it'd be the end of us afterwards. Now, I'm just glad that we're on good terms again with this staring us in the face, but I still have a lot of fear. So, I ask for any readers I have to be praying for us, and I know that I'm going to need to take it all before God and lay it at His throne in complete surrender. I can't carry this burden, but he can.

Anyway, I just wanted to update you guys so that I didn't leave you hanging with the despair surrounding my last post, and let you know that God has been teaching me a lot and restoring our relationship. I have some fun posts coming up soon to let you know about all of the other things that are going on in my life. And I hope you guys enjoy what's to come... although I won't put any expectations on you ;-)

Snapshot Saturday- 1/7/12

2012-01-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

In the past few years, I've attempted to take a picture a day for the 365 day challenge that many people do. And I wouldn't say I failed miserably since I did take a picture 68% of the year. That's passing with a "D", right? This year, I wanted to do the same thing without officially committing to it (and there's an extra day this year because if leap year!). I have been doing perfectly the first 6 days of this year, but just yesterday I decided that instead of a picture of just anything, I wanted to do a picture of my kids. A friend of mine on facebook is doing this, and I realized how great that would be when you look back a year from now and are able to see how much they've changed. I know Josiah will turn into a little boy before my eyes this next year, but also the change in Micah will be astounding through his entire first year. However, in these first 6 days, I only got pictures of them 4 of the days. Not a bad start for being late. I'll have to decide later whether to extend my year until next January 5th or to just cut my losses. So, here are my boys so far this year:

January 2nd:

(Josiah says "CHEESE!" and Micah tolerates tummy time)

January 3rd:

(Sleepy boys)

January 5th:

(Josiah still smiling when sick and Micah snuggled up with mommy)

January 6th:

(I told Josiah to say cheese. He told me, "No cheese!" Micah enjoying his tummy time mat for a little while.)

Micah at 2 Months Old

2012-01-03T14:35:00.001-08:00

On January 2, you turned two months old.

Here is Josiah's 2 month picture for comparison's sake:

(You guys are still so different. I think you are much more serious and mellow whereas Josiah was alert and constantly smiling. And I, personally, don't think you look anything alike!)

YOU...

-just had your 2 month check up on December 29th. You have gained SO MUCH weight!!! You weighed in at 11 lbs, 14 oz, which is in the 63rd %, up from 11% at 2 weeks old. This is a gain of 4 lbs, 12 oz in only 6 weeks. That's almost a pound a week!!! And it's a gain of 5 lbs, 5 oz since birth. You also measured 23.25" tall, which is the 70th%, up from 33%. And your head is in the 27th % at 15.25cm, up from 13% before. You are still smaller than Josiah was at 2 months old, by a pound and half, but you are growing so quickly that I'm sure you'll catch up soon enough. In addition to weighing in, you got 3 vaccination shots in your legs and one oral vaccine. You liked the oral one, but screamed with increasing intensity at each one of the shots in your leg. I felt so bad for you, but you calmed down as soon as I gave you a bottle and you slept pretty much the rest of the day. Otherwise, Dr. Miller said that you looked great and were growing great. She wasn't concerned about you eating too much at all. So, we'll just keep doing what we're doing... :-)

(you and Mommy at a friend's birthday party)

-are more alert than before. It's still only a few hours in the whole day, and it's usually between 10-midnight when Mommy wants to go to bed. But during this time, you are usually happy and just hang out looking around. We're trying to do more tummy time during this alert time. Sometimes you are happy doing that and kick and lift your head up really high, and sometimes you get angry and burrow your head in the mat and scream.

-are still wearing 0-3 month clothes, but fill them out completely. I've loved dressing you in "big boy" clothes now that you can wear hoodies, jeans, and tennis shoes in your size. You are also still wearing size 1 diapers, and I'm hoping that you'll continue to wear them until we go through the boxes we have stock-piled. At a pound a week weight gain, though, you may outgrow them in just a couple of weeks! EEEK!

-are still eating 5 oz or more at each feeding, which is about every 3 hours. You do sleep about 5 hours at night, so you'll go a little longer without eating during that time. You typically have breast milk at home and formula while we're out. You seem fine with either. And I still breastfeed you directly 1-2 times a week, but you don't seem to like it as much as the bottle.

-celebrated your first Christmas. We first attended a Christmas Eve service at our church, ECF. You slept/ate through most of it. Then we went to Nana's house to have dinner and open presents. You got a few outfits, a giant box of wipes to share with Josiah, and an Oregon Duck blanket that Nana made for you. On Christmas day, we attended church with Nana, went to my cousin Liz's for a family get-together where several of my cousins met you for the first time, and then to Grandpa Jim's house for dinner with his family. Grandpa got you a pair of cute camo shoes and socks. And then the next day, you went to Daddy's uncle Mark and aunt Sheryl's house. Mommy had to miss out because she had the stomach flu, but from what I hear, everyone loved passing you around.

(with Nana)

(our precious gift)

(your blanket)

(our family on Christmas Eve)

(you and your brother in the same outfit, 2 years apart)

-also celebrated your first New Years. You "partied" with Nana and your great aunt Colleen. Unlike your brother, you were awake to ring in the new year.

-are officially smiling in response to us. You love it when you see a new face. This is my first time catching it on camera at about 6 weeks old:

-seem to really like Josiah, especially. You smile really big when you see him, although he is not quite as fond of you. He does like you and pats your head saying, "Baby!" but he is much more jealous of the attention you receive and frequently turns my head away from you and at him instead.

-avoided the stomach flu even though everyone else seem to be struck with it. In fact, mommy got it twice and you stayed healthy. I read that the antibodies in breast milk protect you from getting the illnesses I'm exposed to, and I'm very thankful you didn't have to face that at such a young age.

-are now sleeping in the bassinet more regularly. During the day, we may still put you in the carseat or swing, but at night, we are trying to lay you down in the bassinet to sleep. We're trying to get you to lay down while still drowsy and put yourself to sleep, but that's a hit or miss when it comes to you actually falling asleep.

I took these pictures of you the other day. I had taken similar ones when Josiah was 6 and 1/2 weeks old and wanted to catch you close to the same age (actually you were 8 weeks old in yours). You are growing so quickly, and while I love seeing you grow, I don't want to miss a moment of it!

Josiah's pictures for comparison's sake:

Happy 2 months, baby boy! Mommy loves you lots!

Expectations

2012-01-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

We had a very merry Christmas and then came a ~~happy~~ crappy new year!

I've always struggled with how to write about my marriage in my blog, or even on facebook. I really believe that no matter how much I say, good or bad, it's not enough to give anyone an accurate portrayal of our relationship. That unless you live with us day to day and see our interactions and hear our conversations and know each of us on a personal level, then you can't truly know what it's like for us. And, even then, there's years worth of background information and upbringings and personality types that make our relationship and interaction what it is. So, anything I say on here is barely scratching the surface, and I really hesitate to say anything negative, for fear that it's all you know of him in the little I write. And after writing this, I don't even want to push the publish button because of the ways it might cause any of my readers to view my marriage. So, my hope is that as you are about to read what I have written, rather than judging any of it, you recognize that it is a fraction of the whole story, that there is greatness in the midst of the terribleness, and that, more than anything, it causes you to pray for us and to honor and take care of your own marriages.

The truth is that we've had a rocky relationship over the years. It's been amazing and it's been terrible! When we started dating, after spending the previous 5 years as friends in our youth group at church, we knew instantly that God brought us together. Within 5 months, we were planning on getting married and completely in love. But Jesse struggled with a wishy-washy spirit, and when submerged in the partying lifestyle of his football team during his freshman year of college, he pushed God away and subsequently pushed me away as well. He questioned God's existence and the truth of his relationship with Him, and he doubted if we were really meant to be together and if he truly loved me. He ended up breaking up with me for over a year and half- the hardest year I've ever been through. I watched him turn from someone I loved with all of my heart to someone I hated to the core. The guy who said he would do anything in his power to just ensure I was happy and who couldn't spend enough time with me changed into someone who did everything in his power to hurt me and couldn't stand the sight of me. I REALLY prayed, "Are you sure, God, that this is the guy I'm supposed to marry because I don't even like him right now?" And I really believe that God told me yes. So, I continued to pray on his behalf and put myself into his life as much I could. I was there for him no matter how much he pushed me away. After a year and half of being split up, God began to change Jesse's heart again and Jesse saw how much I loved him through everything, and, in turn, saw God's never-ending love for him as well. When he asked me back out, he knew that he was essentially asking me to marry him. And on January 5th, 2007, we began dating again. We got engaged a month and half later and married 4 1/2 months later. It was fast, but we knew it was meant to be.

In the 4 1/2 years since our wedding, we've been through a roller-coaster of emotions. We went through a year of infertility, my first pregnancy with Josiah, adjusting to life with a child, trying to conceive again, another pregnancy, and now life with a 2 year old and a 2 month old. Throw in the financial struggles we've faced in losing income, losing the house we bought, and Jesse trying to attend college while also working full-time in the midst of having kids, and the stress levels have been at an all-time high throughout these years. For the most part, I can look back and say that I think Jesse is a fantastic husband and father. He works his butt off for us. He tries really hard to be the man he is supposed to be. He is quick to say he is sorry- a trait that I struggle to possess. He has lifted me up and put me first, making me feel extremely loved. He has taken on equal (or sometimes a greater) role in helping with the household chores. He is also extremely hands-on in taking care of our kids. Both of these things are attributes that I know many husbands shy away from and I am extremely grateful for his love and support in all of these ways.

But interspersed in the greatness are bits of that guy that I hated so much. Moments when he grows weary of sacrificing so much of himself and does a 180* to being so utterly selfish that I'm left reeling in the dust of his turn-around. Moments when he's tired of being the first to say he's sorry, especially about things he doesn't think he did wrong, and so he stops caring about how I feel and making it right and begins saying really rude things and talking down to me. Moments when he becomes resentful of the amount of work it takes to care for his family, believing that he does "everything" and I do "nothing", and so he "runs away" to feel the freedom of bachelor-hood for just a little while longer. It's these times that I really feel like he isn't the guy I married- the guy who prayed with me after proposing and asked God to teach him to be a husband that loves his wife with all that he is and lifts her up as holy and without blemish, the guy who made me feel more loved than I ever have in my life, and the guy who I loved so much that there was no relationship I envied more than our own. But I have recently realized that even this "ugly" Jesse is the guy I married. I thought that nasty part of him was gone and in the past when we married, but the truth is that the characteristics he is displaying during these times are the same as he always has. It's evidence of that wishy-washy spirit making its appearance again.

I know that our struggles are not all Jesse's fault either. But, of course, when I'm the one butting heads with him, I am going to think he's wrong and I'm right. Otherwise, there wouldn't be an argument to begin with. And, while I think that my greatest place of wrongness in our arguments is my attitude towards him, I believe that it nearly always begins with his actions in the first place and so I justify my bad attitude. That is, of course, my biased opinion. I do also try to be very prayerful about my role in our relationship. I frequently ask God what I need to be doing differently, how I messed up during that fight, and asking Him to help mold me into the wife He calls me to be.

Add in to all of this that Jesse has an extremely addictive personality and that he has struggled with addictions to pornography, to alcohol, and to tobacco- all things I despise- and I think you can start to see the problems we face. And while the first two addictions were for moments in his life, the tobacco addiction is something that he's fought for 7 years now. He began chewing tobacco during college along with is football teammates and the addiction got a hold of him that he's been unable to kick since then. Many times, he has tried to quit, only to fall back into it once again. He's tried cold turkey, he's tried slowly weaning off of it, he's tried substitutions like jerky chew, mint chew, herbal chew, chewing gum, Nicorette gum, and most recently, he tried going to a doctor for a prescription to help stop chewing. He's been "successful" during many of these times of quitting, going months without chewing and feeling free of the temptation, but then he'll suddenly decide he "feels like doing it" again or he'll use stress as an excuse to pick up the habit once more. I can't even count on both hands the number of times he's "quit" and relapsed again. And the whole process drags me on this emotional roller coaster of pride and disappointment, trust and mistrust, support and disdain. It's gotten to the point that I try to be supportive and believe him when he says he's quitting, but I've been let down so many times (each and every time) that I can't trust him when he tells me that. And it becomes more than just whether he's caught up in the habit or not, but it becomes about love, trust, and respect between us. I feel lied to. I feel like it's something he chooses over his wife and children. I feel disrespected when it comes to caring how I feel about it. And I feel at a complete loss as to how to respond to it because it seems that no matter how supportive or angry I am, both are the wrong answer.

Most recently, everything I've mentioned in this whole post has seem to hit us all at once. We struggled through my pregnancy with Micah. I was physically unable to do much around the house, especially when I was 7 months pregnant and it was 100 degrees outside. I couldn't do many of the chores that required constant bending over. And Jesse often became resentful of picking up the slack. Also, while I don't think my hormones were out of control or irrational, he often felt they were. So, we argued a lot. Then Micah arrived and I think it's ALWAYS an adjustment to get used to a newborn baby, the lack of sleep, the lack of sex, and the constant attention that is suddenly required of you. So, we've added more stress to our plate and strained our relationship further. Then Jesse started going to college on top of working full-time, adding one more thing that is vying for his attention. And while we've had these really nice moments of love and of intimacy and of fun in the midst of this time, it seems overshadowed by the bickering, the stress, and the distance we feel towards each other.

And then I find out on New Year's Eve that after most recently going to the doctor to stop chewing and being on the Nicorette gum and on a prescription medicine, Jesse has stopped all treatment and began smoking instead. I was furious and hurt all over again. And because I was angry at him, he decided that he didn't want to be around me either and so he left and went to his brother's for the night. I was left alone with both kids all night with no knowledge of when he'd actually be back. I also don't think that it's mature for an adult man with a wife and kids to "run away" because someone is mad at him. When he returned home, we got into a big argument, and I honestly REALLY don't know the right way to respond to the entire situation. I'm not sure if putting everything behind me and accepting him as a smoker is right. I'm not sure if being angry and telling him how I feel is right. I'm sure it's somewhere in the middle, but I have no idea what that looks like. So, I'm at a tug-o-war with myself as I face how I feel and pray that God gives me direction moment by moment. Therefore, despite my intense anger and hurt towards him, later in the evening I tried to share with him some of my goals for this new year.

I have these ideas to get really organized- to better schedule my day so that the kids are on a routine, so that chores can be done around the house on a daily basis, so that I can de-clutter much of the house, and so that I have time to myself and time with God and time with Jesse. All of these things would address issues that he's had with me and hopefully mend some on-going problems. In addition, I wanted to share with him the idea of choosing a word that you are going to focus on for the year. I was inspired by this article and the ways that God has changed her life and revealed Himself through the various words she's embraced in roughly 25 years. So, I told him that I was contemplating what my word should be, and we began discussing these plans I had. While it started as a nice discussion, there were moments where old hurts resurfaced and there was one word that kept popping up in our speech that got my attention.

Expectations...

The expectations Jesse had for his wife.
The expectations I had for my husband.
The expectations we place on each other on a daily basis.

And that made me think about all of the areas I struggle with my expectations. In truth, the complete source of all frustration and disappointment in my life stems from whatever it is not meeting my expectations.

And I am at an utter loss at how you are supposed to live your life without such expectations!

When Jesse and I were engaged, we attended a marriage class where the main principle was to not place expectations on your spouse. It's a nice idea, but I have no idea how it's even possible to live that way. I think that expectations are a normal way that our brain functions. It's without conscious thought. It's a natural occurrence and one that I'm not sure how to turn off.

I understand not expecting that Jesse DO a certain number of things in the day and complete certain tasks, but is it practical to also not expect that he treat me with love and respect? Should I not expect to have a husband who puts God first and then me and our kids? Concerning the chewing/smoking, am I allowed to expect that he quit because of how it impacts his family? Is it okay to expect that he at least respect my feelings towards it and not do it for that sole reason? Is it asking too much to expect ANYTHING from him at all? I don't really get it. But I felt God pressing that word upon me as the source of my frustration, disappointment, and strife, and asking me to give over my expectations to Him.

And then I wondered... what about expecting things from God? I know I can't expect Him to answer my prayers in specific ways or on my timing. But I can expect that things will work out for my good and that He will never let me down, right? He promises it. So, where do I draw the line on what are acceptable expectations and not?

I guess I'm about to spend the next year learning, because that's what I feel like God's been speaking to me for the last 12 hours. My plan is to add a page to the top of my header that contains my prayers for Jesse. And I want to start lifting him up more regularly and very specifically to God. I don't know what to expect, but I do expect that SOMETHING is going to happen. It has to, right? I also want to check out this book:

I know nothing about it but the title, but I'm thinking that I need to start loving him purposefully instead of barely tolerating him at all. In truth, I have been acting like he's the one who has changed since we got married, but I don't love him unconditionally the way I used to. In fact, I'm convicted by the fact that I rarely acting loving at all. I try. I determine to be a better wife and I start doing load after load of laundry and dishes and I make his lunch for him. But I'm resentful about doing it and my attitude towards him has still been indifferent or hateful at times. How can I expect that he put me first and shower me with love, if I'm not doing it either?

I climbed into bed tonight and was praying about how to respond to the smoking thing. I had just found a pack of cigarettes in his jacket pocket, and I debated whether to destroy them or ignore them. So, I prayed and asked God for direction. And I got the idea to put a note inside the pack that was, in my opinion, neither condoning it nor shaming him for it. I hope that it was the right balance of love and encouragement. It said, "As much as I hate this, I still love you. In fact, it's because I love you that I hate this so much." And I wrote the note and stuck it in the pack of cigarettes.

At this point, I don't know if he's read it or not. He woke up earlier than I did to watch the kids while I slept. And when I got up, he showered, got lunch for us, and left to go to his brother's for the Rose Bowl football game. And while we are tolerating each other civilly at this point, it's just that- tolerating. There's still no love and no joy between us. He went to bed and left today without kissing me goodbye. And I struggle because I don't want to kiss him yet, but I don't like the distance between us either. He's unapologetic for his actions so far and is disconnecting himself from us- sitting at his computer playing games with headphones on or just avoiding being home altogether. I feel VERY alone in all of this. My mom and brother are compassionate, but are staying at a distance when it comes to talking to me about it or being around either of us. My best friend is working so much that I barely get to talk to her. I guess that leaves me no choice but to turn to God for comfort and advice. I know it's the best place to be, but my heart is hurting and I wish I had someone who would just put their arms around me and say they love me right now. In the meanwhile, I can only do what God is calling me to do- surrender my expectations and strive towards being the best wife I can be right now.

Our Christmas Card

2011-12-29T10:50:00.000-08:00

To Our Family and Friends:

It’s the week before Christmas and we’re running so late.

But, maybe, you’ll like this poem and won’t mind the late date.

In order to wrap up this year, grand and merry

We’ll just start with the stuff way back in January.

The year began just after a family reunion was had,

Along with a kiss for Josiah at midnight, from his mom and his dad.

The next few months Mandy planned one party and another,

A huge task when you’re also a wife and a mother.

There was a baby shower in February, May, and in June,

A gender-reveal party, and Josiah’s 2^nd birthday came up soon.

Then a one-year-old’s September birthday added to the bashes

Lastly, Mandy had her own baby shower, with lots of mustaches.

“No more parties this year!” Mandy was told.

But at this point, she was glad to put the festivities on hold.

You see, early in March, a test had two pink lines showing

And with every proceeding month, Mandy’s belly was growing.

In June, at the halfway point, we had our big ultrasound

Then we threw a party for everyone to share the news we had found

We had two pinatas filled with candy, and when pulled open

One chocolate bar revealed a note to all who were hopin’.

To honor the new “little man”, we had a unique shower,

With mustaches and bow ties to celebrate the “man” of the hour.

And then Micah came via c-section on the scheduled date.

We were thrilled to meet our new baby boy at 3 minutes after 8.

He shocked us, first, by being tiny compared to his brother’s birth weight

But he’s catching up quickly, gaining pounds at a very fast rate!

He surprised us, second, by having hair versus none

But when we learned it was dark, we were even more stunned.

We chose “Micah” meaning “Who is like God?”- uncle Michael’s means the same.

Then we chose “James” after grandpa Jim, which is Micah’s middle name

In the 7 weeks following his birth, we have a normal that’s new.

Our favorite thing is that Micah now smiles at us, making us smile too.

November is a bigger month for us now that Micah is here.

Jesse also turned 25 and Mandy 27 that month of this year.

But Josiah’s 2nd birthday in August was the biggest in the house,

Complete with 64 of his pals, and, of course, Mickey Mouse!

Our 2-year-old guy is learning so much and brings us never-ending joy.

He’s leaving the infanthood behind and becoming our little boy.

He’s adding numbers, colors, and phrases to all of the words he does know

He loves with all his heart and is quick to let anger go

He’s beginning to pretend and loves to play all day

He has so much personality and cracks us up with the things he may say.

I think he might be my favorite person, beating 7 billion others.

I could brag about him all day! I’m so proud, like most mothers!

We took a vacation in Sisters this year, and had another trip or two,

We saw “Stomp” perform in Portland, and Josiah had his 1^st trip to the zoo.

In June this year, we celebrated four years of wedded bliss

I suppose it hasn’t been always “bliss”, but he is mine and I am his.

In other big news, we moved to a new place and bought a car to seat us all.

Mandy joined a mom’s group and Jesse started school, both in the fall.

Mandy is still doing daycare for her cousins Mondays through Fridays

Jesse still has his job, and after a 3-year freeze, finally got a pay raise!

This year hasn’t been perfect, intermittent with stress and loved ones passing away.

There are things that seem to bombard us each and every day.

It’s been hard to balance commitments, still making time for you and time for me

But we’re trying to focus on the positive, rather than the negative, you see.

We’re choosing to work together and trust God first and foremost

It’s only because of Him, that for any of this we can boast.

So, as we recount 2011 and eat our fill of turkey and dressings,

We are choosing to consider this year as a year full of blessings

Lots of Love,

Jesse, Mandy, Josiah, and Micah Peterson

Tis the Season

2011-12-26T18:25:00.000-08:00

I've been really excited about Christmas this year. It's my favorite holiday. I love the general Christmas cheer that most people have. I love picking out gifts for each person and seeing their excitement when they open their presents. (And, of course, getting gifts myself is enjoyable!) I love the parties and the church services and the church plays. I love the Christmas lights and decorating my own house. I don't love the Christmas carols so much, but I enjoy them for the first few weeks and then get tired of the same song being played repeatedly. This year "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" became the song I hated most. But back to positive things... I've been soaking up every moment of this holiday season and looking forward to all of the fun stuff.

Then there was a hitch in our plans. After doing our budget, we realized that all of our income had to go towards bills and necessary expenses, leaving NOTHING left for gifts. We would be fine by January, but, unfortunately, Christmas comes in December. We were hoping that Jesse's company was going to hand out a Christmas bonus check this year, as they have in the past, since that would be the only way we were able to afford anything. But 1 week before Christmas, on payday when we expected it, there was no bonus check. I was so bummed. What would Christmas be without gifts? Of course, there's so much more important things and that's NOT what it's about. But I've never not been able to afford presents. Jesse talked to me about praying and asking God what it meant for us to give in this "season of giving" when we couldn't afford to give tangible gifts. And we decided together to hand it over to God and trust Him regardless. We were surprised and thrilled, though, when we received a check for $1080 the following Monday. I believe that God is good whether we got the check or not, but I'm thankful to serve a God who cares about our needs and our wants as well! We decided to give a portion of it back to Him, pay all of our bills next, and then we budgeted out gifts for each person we wanted to buy for. We were able to buy everything we wanted and even added 3 more people to our list!

We were excited to begin shopping that very night- after all, Christmas was only 6 days away and we hadn't even begun! But just as we were about to walk out the door, Josiah threw up without any warning. We cleaned him up and as I held him in my arms, he instantly fell asleep. Anyone that knows Josiah knows that this is abnormal behavior. I wasn't sure if the puking had worn him out or if he was in some kind of shock or something. So, I called the pediatrician's office and talked to the triage nurse. She said he sounded like he had a stomach virus and to expect him to continue to throw up for the next 12-24 hours. We were supposed to wake him up after 2 hours throughout the night to ensure he stayed hydrated. And she gave me all sorts of instructions about how to treat him and what to look for. When I woke Josiah up to give him water, he threw up again, drank some water, and went back to sleep. But after a few hours of sleeping and awaking again, he seemed to start feeling better. Fortunately, by the end of the night, he was talking more and playing again. So, everything about waking him up every two hours and his possible 24 hour stomach virus ended up to be nothing. I knew, though, that several other friends of mine had also been sick with similar ailments, including vomiting and diarrhea, but some of theirs had lasted a day or longer.

By Tuesday, we thought everything seemed better with Josiah and the rest of us were fine too. So we ventured out shopping again. We successfully went to WalMart and the mall and got quite a few gifts before I started feeling pretty sick. My stomach was just hurting and in knots. I knew that I needed to head home by the time we were done at the mall, but only made it to the car before getting sick in the car in the parking lot. I came home and spent the next few hours sick, but was better within a few hours, and thankful that it only lasted so long for both Josiah and me. Wednesday, I was back to normal and so was Josiah, and no one else had gotten sick, so we continued our shopping. Thursday was the same and then Friday we went out to dinner as a family before my brother and I drove around to look at Christmas lights. We didn't see very much that was exciting, but we had a nice time together just chatting.

Saturday, Jesse and I spent the day cleaning and getting ready, and then we joined Jesse's dad, stepmom, and 4 foster kids along with my mom, brother, and aunt at the church Jesse and I attend. It was nice to have our family with us since they don't normally attend. However, there was no nursery service and Josiah was distraught over this, especially because he hadn't napped yet and so everything was that much more "traumatic"! We just grinned through it and sang the Christmas carols with our candles in hand as Josiah laid on the floor and kicked the chairs and screamed. Luckily, the music drowned out most of the screaming! The rest of the service was really nice with the praise team singing, a group of kids playing violins and cellos, and the pastor reading a Christmas story to the little kids on stage. Jesse ended up taking Josiah out halfway through and sitting in the cafe the rest of the service, but Jesse's dad also had to take out their 3 year old foster son, so at least Jesse could spend time with his dad there. From there, we went to my mom and aunt's house where we opened our gifts for each other, which is our annual tradition. We didn't have the big meal we normally have because of the church service, but had pulled pork sandwiches instead. Josiah fell asleep in his high chair and we ended up opening all of our gifts without him. Since I was the photographer, I didn't get pictures of any of my gifts, but everyone got really nice things.

I felt so blessed to be surrounded by so many gifts when we thought we could afford none. Of course, more than half of these are what my mom bought, but we all had a bounty of presents.

Here's Josiah asleep in his chair. We didn't dare move him.

My mom and Micah and Micah in the blanket Nana made him:

Me on Christmas Eve:

Jesse & Me:

Here's our family of four, complete with Josiah sleeping and BBQ sauce on his face. It's real life, though, and you just have to smile through it!:

I got about 4 shirts, a jacket, and a pair of boots, an Oregon Duck hoodie, a book, $50, a Lifesavers candy book (tradition since I was a kid), a necklace with "J" and "M" charms, and my big gift was a new laptop that Jesse, David, and my mom bought together. I needed the laptop really bad since my beloved one is literally falling apart.

At this point, my mom had been feeling the effects of the stomach virus throughout the day and my aunt had previously been sick. Everyone was exhausted, and the whole mood, although thankful and cheerful, was also sleepy and quiet- not really what I expected. My mom even fell asleep holding Josiah after we opened our gifts.

We headed home and went to bed as soon as possible. Christmas morning, we woke up early to be at my mom's house by 9am for breakfast. Josiah had not opened any of his gifts, so he had his very own Christmas that morning! I love that he's at an age where he understands, for the most part, about opening presents. With every package, he'd grab it and carry it to someone and say "PRESENT!". Then they'd help him open it and he'd say, "It's a box!" He got lots of cool clothes, a Mr. Potato Head, some blocks, and a potty chair! We also got a giant box of diapers for him and I'm hoping it's the last one we ever have to buy. Started January 1st, I want to start potty training full-force. I think Josiah's getting ready. He knows the difference between pee and poop when we change his diaper, he's begun hiding when he has to poop, and he HATES having his diaper changed. The only cue that he doesn't seem ready is he's afraid to actually sit on the large toilet. But I'm hoping that having his own little chair will make it seem special and fun.

Micah asleep on Christmas day in the same outfit Josiah wore 2 years ago:

(Micah on the left- 7 weeks old 2011, Josiah on the right- 4 months old 2009)

After breakfast, we attended church with my mom. It's the same church we attended for 10-12 years before switching to our new one. It was a small group of 25 people or so. We sang together, had communion, and the pastor gave a sermon. I spent the sermon portion in the nursery by myself watching Josiah, though, because he was running around everywhere in the sanctuary. It was very low-key and family oriented, though, and nice to be with old friends again.

We went to my cousin's house afterwards and enjoyed a family get-together with 10 of my cousins and their families, including 3 cousins who live out of town/state. We ate and visited and then Jesse and I had to leave to go to his parents house. We picked up my BIL and his gf and headed out to my in-laws' house. We had dinner and visited with the family before heading home. Josiah slept through all of dinner and then woke up grouchy so it was a good time to go. After dropping off my BIL, though, I began to feel really sick again. And as soon as I got home, I began with all of the symptoms of a full-blown stomach flu (I'll spare the TMI details).

This morning, we were scheduled to go to Jesse's aunt and uncle's house where family was also coming up from California to visit, but having been so sick, I didn't think I should go (even though I felt perfectly fine at that point). So, Jesse went with the kids and I stayed home and slept. It was nice to sleep so long since I never get un-interrupted sleep like that! But I hated missing out on the Christmas festivities. :-(

This weekend wasn't everything I dreamed of due to so much sickness, and it was different than ones past because of the services we attended and the families that we visited with. But, I'll say that despite the stomach flu, I enjoyed it overall and felt really blessed by everything God has given us. I have a Christmas card and poem that I wrote about our year to share with everyone, but since my cards were sent out late, I want to make sure that everyone gets theirs in the mail before I post it online. Anticipate it soon, though. It's pretty cute!

I hope everyone else enjoyed their Christmas weekends too... without the stomach flu!

Josiah Sings

2011-12-16T02:01:00.001-08:00

Christmas 2011

2011-12-11T23:17:00.000-08:00

We finally had our last photo shoot with Camron and Melissa on December 4th at a local tree farm. Josiah wasn't too interested in posing for pictures. He'd rather run around and chase chickens, look at the goats and pigs, and simply run in the opposite direction as we'd like him to. At least Micah stays still, but it was freezing so we didn't stay long. We got at least one family shot and a few of each person, though. Here are my favorites:

And because it depicts real life...

...you can only laugh!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Newborn Photo Shoot

2011-12-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

Camron and Melissa, who took my maternity pictures, came back when Micah was 3 weeks old to do a newborn photo shoot. These are my favorite shots of my newest little guy:

A look back...

2011-12-11T22:54:00.000-08:00

At 36 weeks, 5 days pregnant (October 16th) my friends Camron and Melissa had a 2nd maternity photo shoot with me at the pumpkin patch. I wanted to share my favorite pictures from the shoot:

Micah James Peterson

2011-12-11T20:40:00.000-08:00

After my last post about my pregnancy, I had my 36 appointment on Oct 12th and 37 week appointment on Oct 21st. Then on Wednesday, Oct 26th I had my 38 week appointment as well as my pre-op appointment with my OB-GYN. At each of these appointments, we had our routine exams including urine checks, weigh-in's, blood pressure checks, monitoring Micah's heart rate, and measuring my belly. Everything was looking great at every single appointment. At the pre-op portion of my 38 week visit, we also went over the details of my surgery, including when to check into the hospital, what we would do step-by-step, and who would perform each part of the process. The next day, I had an appointment at the hospital and did my pre-admission testing with the anesthesiologist. We basically just went over my medical history and any medications I've been taking. And then the dr. went over the process of getting my spinal and the risks of complications, etc.

I spent the next 4 days cleaning our house, washing clothes, packing hospital bags, and installing the infant car seat into our car, along with our typical day-to-day tasks. By Monday evening, I was finally done! It was a huge weight off of my shoulders to be done with all of the prep work and ready to have our baby. On Tuesday, I spent the day relaxing with a friend. That evening we went out to dinner as a family, and then we dropped Josiah off at his grandpa's house where he stayed the next 2 days.

During the final days before Micah's arrival, I took a picture each day to countdown.

On Wednesday morning, we checked into the hospital at 5:45am. I barely slept at all- not that I had been sleeping much for the past month or so anyway. We were taken up to the triage room in labor & delivery where I was given my hospital bracelets, hooked up to an IV, put into a very lovely gown, and reviewed all of my medical information with the nurse again. About 15 minutes before the scheduled surgery, my dr. came in and checked on me. I had to drink a horrible shot of grossness- ironically designed to prevent me from throwing up during surgery but made me want to throw up right then. I don't remember doing this with Josiah either. At 7:45, my dr. walked Jesse and me down to the operating room where we got to hug my mom and brother just before going into the O.R. I went into the room where I met the anesthesiologist, the assistants and nurses counted instruments to make sure none would be left inside my body in the end, I had my blood pressure taken and was given the spinal anesthesia before laid down. I instantly went numb. Nice thing about the spinal! I felt really good through the whole thing. I wasn't as worried about getting sick during the surgery as I was with Josiah. They brought Jesse in as soon as I was prepped and ready to go.

Within minutes, Micah was delivered- at 8:03am to be exact. They brought him over to see me and then took him to be examined, cleaned up a little, and they let Jesse cut the umbilical cord. (FYI, they do cut it as they are taking the baby out of me, but they allow the dad to cut it even shorter afterwards.)

Once Micah was wrapped up, they brought him directly to me for skin-to-skin contact. It was very clear that Micah was ready to nurse. He was sucking on the dr's hand as the dr was pulling Micah from my belly. And as soon as they laid him on my chest, he began rooting around. So, they helped me get Micah latched on to breastfeed, and he took to it like a champ! They removed him when I was ready to be wheeled to the recovery room, but allowed him to latch back on after he was weighed and measured. He weighed in at 6 lbs, 9 oz and measured 19.5" long. This is a lb and half LESS than Josiah and half an inch longer! I was shocked at my little baby, and even more shocked that not only did he have hair (and a decent amount), but that it was dark hair!!! A far cry from my first baby boy who was bald throughout his first year of life, had blonde peach fuzz for hair, and weighed 7 lbs, 13 oz! Aside from his dark hair, let alone having hair, and his small weight, I was also surprised at how different Micah looked than what I expected. He reminded me nothing of Josiah or of Jesse, and Jesse has very strong family genes. So I naturally expected that our kids would never look like me, but always be his little mini me's. While not very many other people agree, Micah actually reminds me the most of my dad.

I spent about an hour and half, if I remember right, in recovery where I nursed Micah frequently, received pain meds to keep me comfortable, and waited until I could wiggle my toes. Jesse went to breakfast with my mom and brother during this time. And just about the time he returned, I was able to be moved to the mother/baby ward. Here, my mom and brother got to meet Micah for the first time and I sent out the word via text messages and phone calls that Micah had arrived.

My cousin Liz came to visit first, followed by Jolyn (not pictured) and Kim who are two of my best friends.

Shortly after, Jesse gave Micah his first bath. He hated being undressed and scrubbed, but loved the water running on him and instantly calmed down.

I was SO TIRED, but this was our first real picture together:

Jesse and I took a similar picture with Josiah:

(Josiah on the left, Micah on the right)

That evening, Jesse's dad brought Josiah up to meet Micah.

He did not like it at all! He cried and was shy towards us. He didn't want anything to do with Micah at all. I honestly think he didn't know what to think about us being in the hospital. He didn't understand why we were there and what I was doing in this big odd-looking bed. He warmed up just enough to sit next to me on the bed and color while I wasn't holding Micah, but, otherwise, wasn't up for family pictures.

I did get one picture of me with both of my boys, though:

Jesse and his dad:

My aunts visited at the same time:

Jesse spent the first night with me in the hospital while Josiah stayed with his grandpa. I ended up staying from Wednesday morning to Saturday afternoon, but Jesse spent the rest of the days at home with Josiah. This made it very different from Josiah's delivery as I was alone much of the time. I treasured my visitors and was disappointed when some had to cancel or were unable to come a 2nd time. I was also disappointed by how many of my close friends didn't bother to come at all. But I was appreciative and enjoyed every moment with those who did come. So I tried not to dwell on the negative and just use my free time to sleep, post pictures on facebook, or watch tv with my baby boy.

On day 2, I was overwhelmed with the love and support from my MOPS group. MOPS just began at the end of September and I had only been to a handful of meetings at the time. Yet, 3 of my beautiful MOPS friends came to see me in the hospital and gushed over Micah the entire time (that's a bigger number than how many of my close friends came to see me, by the way). I have become so grateful for my opportunity to be in MOPS and grow to love these ladies, but that's a post for another day. So, here's Kirsten, Linsay, and Megan:

My cousins came up to visit too (Sam and his wife and 2 daughters):

(I love how Natalia is cradling the blanket so softly even though no baby is in it!)

At 3 days old, I finally got to get a picture of Micah with Dr. Haugen. This was neat for me because Dr. Haugen also delivered Josiah despite the fact that he wasn't my OB at the time. In fact, it was because of that delivery and how much I enjoyed him that I switched to his care. I would've loved to have a picture of Dr. Haugen with both boys, but that was never possible.

Look at all that beautiful hair on my sweet baby!

Uncle Michael, Jesse's brother, came up to visit Micah when he was 3 days old:

(Micah was supposed to be named Judah Michael after Jesse's brother. But as soon as we discovered that we were in fact having a boy, Jesse began to 2nd guess the name. He didn't feel the same peace about his son being named Judah as he did about Josiah's name. So, we went back to our short list and chose Micah James instead-James after Jesse's dad. As it turns out, though, Michael didn't lose his namesake since Micah and Michael both mean "Who is like God". So Micah is, in a way, named after both his uncle and his grandpa.)

Aside from our visitors, the hospital stay went well. My nurses were great and very accommodating. The most annoying thing was to have one nurse tell me to rest and the next nurse tell me to walk frequently, but it wasn't too terrible. My pain level stayed really low. The nurses were always surprised to hear that it was only a 3/10 or less most days. My incision was healing well. My bleeding was minimal. Micah nursed like a champ. He got an 8 & 9 on his APGAR test. He passed his hearing test too. His bilirubin levels stayed at low-risk for jaundice. He got the vaccines he needed. And, although his weight dropped from 6.9 to 6.6 to 6.3, it went back up to 6.5 before leaving the last day.

Saturday, Nov 5th was the day we checked out of the hospital. I chose to stay the extra day to relax and be taken care of. However, the 5th was Jesse's birthday and I was ready to go home and start my life as a family of 4. We had to wait F-O-R-E-V-E-R to finally check out because it was Saturday and the pediatrician didn't make her rounds until late, but by 3pm we were given the go-ahead to check out.

My mom was there to help me pack and drive me home. We buckled Micah into the carseat and I was blown away at how tiny he seemed. He HATED being buckled in, but I've learned with time that that's just part of Micah's likes and dislikes.

We made a stop by the store and picked up a cake for Jesse's birthday and headed home to settle in. Josiah, now in his own element, seemed to warm up to Micah quickly. He patted Micah on the head, said "baby" and even gave Micah kisses!

And then Micah passed out for the evening...

...after all, it'd been quite an exhausting experience in those first 4 days!

Micah at 1 Month Old

2011-12-11T17:53:00.000-08:00

On December 2, you turned one month old.

Here is Josiah's 1 month picture for comparison's sake:

(I think you boys are polar opposites right now! You are much smaller than your brother was at this age, have much more hair, and it's much darker. You also are sleepier and don't spit up as often- although you still do!)

YOU...

-have been to the doctor’s office 3 times. At 8 days old, you had your newborn consultation with Dr. Miller. You weighed in at 6 lbs, 7 oz, which is only 2 ounces less than your birth weight. You measured 20.5” long, which is a whole inch longer than birth. I think that’s just a discrepancy in who measured you. Dr. Miller said that you looked great and were growing great. She reassured Mommy that we were doing everything right! One week later you had your 2^nd appointment, your 2 week wellness check. You had gained 11 ounces and we well over your birth weight!!! You also shrunk 1/4^th of an inch! Definitely an error in your previous measurements. You are in the 11^th percentile for weight, 33^rd percentile for height, and 13^th percentile for head. My little guy! I’m not used to that after your brother!!! You still checked out great according to Dr. Miller, but this time in addition to your check, you had a circumcision. Mommy watched, which was harder on her than she imagined. You did great, though, and had a pretty easy recovery. You should’ve had your follow-up PKU (heel prick blood test) at this appointment, but Mommy forgot your card. So she brought you back at 4 weeks old to do so. There are lots of old people at the clinic, and they gushed over you the entire time!

-have changed the way you cry depending on whether you’re tired, hungry, gassy, etc. Mommy did some research on what each cry means and is trying to pay close attention to what you say to her so she can help you more efficiently.

-have continued to gain weight at a rapid rate. While we don’t know your current weight, we can see a visible difference in the size of your head, the way you have filled out your skin, and the way you fit into your clothes. You are growing so quickly that your hair cannot grow fast enough, which is causing your hairline to look as if it’s receding! While still small, your arms and legs are less wrinkly than before, and your belly is rounded after you eat. Your newborn clothes, which were once too large, are now growing tight and you are starting to fit into your smaller 0-3 month clothes. You’ve also moved up from newborn to size 1 diapers. We’re hoping you fit into those for awhile as we have accumulated more than 300 diapers in that size!

-eat so much! Of course, you have to follow in your daddy and brother’s large footsteps! You are hungry every 2-3 hours (although a little longer if Mommy’s lucky) and eat as much as 4 ounces as a time. Mommy had so much milk stored in the freezer and you have sucked it all down faster than she can make it. We even had to buy some formula just to make sure you stayed full. You also do just fine whether Mommy breastfeeds you, gives you a bottle of pumped milk, or mixes up formula for you. You are not a picky eater, just like the other “men” in the family.

-are a total pacifier baby- so different than your older brother!

-have been out of the house many times, including to church, MOPS, shopping, out to eat, and to play dates aside from our daily routine of picking up Jaydon and Zoe or attending family functions. You get attention wherever you go, although you sleep through most of it.

-have started spending more time awake just looking around. Zoe said to me in the car the other day, “Mandy, Micah is acting weird.” I asked, “How so?” She replied, “He is not taking his bottle and just stares out the window.” I laughed and said, “That’s called ‘not being hungry and being awake’.” Apparently, this was surprising to her!

-have smiled a few times that don’t seem to be related to gas: first at Mommy’s friend Kim, once at Mommy (which made her heart jump and made her so proud) and once at Mommy’s friend Jolyn. We keep trying to get you to smile for Daddy or Nana, and we can tell you’re thinking about it, but you haven’t done it yet.

-seem to notice when Mommy walks past you and you follow her with your eyes, turning your head. You can even hold up your head for a minute or two and look all around.

-have had your first cold. We were all sick for so many weeks leading up to your birth. Daddy even had pneumonia and was just starting treatment the day of your birth. We tried to keep our hands clean and protect you as much as possible, but it was inevitable. You got over it sooner than anyone else and were a trooper through the whole thing. You HATED Mommy cleaning out your nose, though!

-sleep in Mommy & Daddy's room. We had you in the bassinet next to our bed, but put you in the swing hoping it would help rock you to sleep better. Dr. Miller suggested we stop that so that you don't form any bad habits. We still did it while you were sick, but once you got better, we started just putting you in your carseat. It's easy to transport back and forth from the living room to bedroom, so we can always see you and don't have to disturb you when we go to bed. Once you start sleeping a little longer, I think we'll move you back to the bassinet before moving you permanently into Josiah's room in your crib.

I'm still working on writing out your birth story. I also want to post pictures of your newborn photo shoot done by our friends Camron and Melissa when you were 3 weeks old. I just got copies of the last maternity shoot I did when I was 36 weeks pregnant with you too! And we just took family portraits for our Christmas cards last week that I can't wait to post! So much is coming up with the celebration of your first Christmas holiday and the beginning of a new year- your first year! Right now, though, it's nearly 2am and Mommy is missing out on valuable sleep time. Maybe I can post more when you wake up to eat again in 3 hours!

Changes!

2011-11-30T00:57:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to re-vamp my blog for awhile. I've become so bad at posting, and I become overwhelmed with everything I need to update any readers I still have, that my posts are long and months apart. I barely posted through most of my pregnancy with Micah and have a draft of his birth story waiting to be posted... and he'll be 4 weeks old tomorrow! I've recently re-read some of my old posts, especially ones I wrote while going through infertility, and I miss the passion I used to write with. But I can't just fake it. Much of it has to do with the circumstances I am facing and the things God is teaching me through it. And my life is filled with sleepless nights and countless diaper changes now and not so much with prayer and introspection and seeking God's direction. But I want to be better. I'm hoping to get into a better schedule as Micah begins to sleep more through the night and begin a devotional time and more journaling.

One idea I came across on Pinterest was this type of journal:

It is described as:

Peaks- The highlights of the day. The good moments. Something overall positive that happened during the day.
Pits- The low point of the day. But, rather than just complaining about it, a way that looking back at it can be positive or a blessing in disguise.
Praises- Simply praising God for specific things that happened
Prayers- Prayer requests that may have arose from the new day or that have been lingering.

Hopefully, this simple format to record the day will help me to easily post about what's going on without it being overwhelming. And recording it in this manner will help give me some insight into what's going on in my life.

So here's to new starts...
November 29, 2011

Peaks- Jesse spent over 3 hours cleaning our disaster of a house while I pumped, fed Micah, and then took a 2 hour, much needed, nap. He then made dinner for us and I was able to relax and spend the evening on the computer. I am so incredibly blessed with a husband that works so hard for his family. He works 8 hours a day, attends school 2 evenings a week, and balances his time with his wife, kids, cleaning the house, running errands, and helping me wherever he can. So many women do it alone when it comes to the housework and childcare. And I so much appreciate his support!

Pits- I have been so exhausted with lack of sleep. In pregnancy, I struggled with having to pee constantly, getting leg cramps, relaxing when I had so much on my mind, heartburn, and getting comfortable with my big ol' belly. Then I have the baby and I now have to get up every 1-2 hours to feed Micah. But, as tired as I am on a regular basis, I first of all am so thankful for my kids. After struggling through infertility, I know what I went through to get here and I know that there are so many women who would give anything to be in my sleepy shoes. And, I also know that this is temporary. Micah will soon start sleeping through the nights and my boys are going to grow WAY too fast. I'll miss these times with him soon enough.

Praises- My grandpa died this week. Although he's had numerous health problems for years, this all happened really quickly. He began feeling sick one day, was in the hospital 2 days later, was diagnosed with failing kidneys, failing liver, heart functioning at 20%, and began having seizures. Six days later, the dr called and said my grandpa was at the end of his life and they were just going to make him as comfortable as possible. He passed away late that night. However, as sad and surreal as it seems, I praise God for the way it happened. My mom and several of her siblings carried many hurts in their heart over the past decades concerning my grandpa, but God did a lot of healing in them before my grandpa died. Being that it was just after his 85th birthday, many people got to share in writing letters to my grandpa telling him what he meant to them as part of his gift. Imagine the closure in knowing you got to say how much he meant to you 8 days before losing someone you cared about! I'm thankful it happened quickly because the last days his body failed rapidly, but he didn't linger on in that state. And lastly, being that it was so close to Thanksgiving and my mom's birthday, I was fearful that he didn't pass on those specific days, but in between them instead. I know it was still a difficult birthday for my mom, but I think it happened the best way it could of. And I praise God for caring about each one of those matters and orchestrating my grandpa's death in a way that brought about peace, love, and healing.

Prayers- Thank you Lord, for the many ways you bless me everyday, in my family, in my house, in my personal needs, and in my finances. How you truly care about the things that touch our hearts. I thank you for my wonderful husband. Our relationship hasn't always been perfect, but I know without a doubt that he is the one you set aside for me. And I am so thankful for a husband that loves me. And while I struggle with being so tired each night, I am thankful for the time to nap and for a husband that gives me that time. I praise you for providing for our financial needs when we suddenly had to replace the battery in our new car and didn't have the money budgeted for it. And, lastly, I pray for my family that is grieving the death of my grandpa. I ask you to be near them during this time and wrap your arms of comfort around them. I find peace in knowing he's with you now in his glorified and healthy body. And I look forward to seeing him again someday when I see you face-to-face.

October update

2011-10-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

It's been WAY too long since I last wrote something. Typical, huh? I have so much to say all of the time, but then it gets to be too much for one post, and then no other post gets written... I'm going to try to do a "brief" update. We'll see how brief it actually turns out to be. You know me. I'm a talker! And I'm hoping to revamp my blog soon to include everything that's going on in my life, including Josiah, life at home as a mommy and wife, my crafts and party planning, and our newest addition on the way, Micah.

We'll start with me. I'll be 36 weeks pregnant on Tuesday. We have a c-section scheduled for November 2nd, so as of this Wednesday, there are only 3 weeks left until we meet little Micah. I'm feeling really well overall. I do know that when I'm more active during the day, I am more uncomfortable at night. My feet swell, my leg muscles cramp up and cause charlie horses, and my stomach and back hurt. But when I take it easy, I feel perfectly fine. Bending over repeatedly wears me out quicker than anything. So, I struggle to keep the house clean when it comes to picking up toys and clothes. If I do little bits at a time, it's not so hard. However, with a 2 year old, by the time I pick everything up, the first things I put away are now back on the floor. If you could see my living room right now! It was spotless just yesterday. Now there are books, toys, and pillows everywhere!!! I'm also at the point of going to the dr's office every week. I had last week (35 weeks) off, but have an appointment this Wednesday, the next Friday, the next week after that, and then Micah comes the following week. In addition to my regular check-ups, I also have to schedule in an anesthesia consultation at the hospital before his birth.

I'm still doing daycare, but only with Jaydon & Zoe (my cousins). They are now 8 and 9 years old and in 2nd and 4th grade. After a very busy summer, I was thrilled to see them go back to school. And I've been enjoying having my days with just Josiah and me. It is time consuming to transport everyone around everywhere. Each morning, all 5 of us load up in the car and I take Jesse to work, the kids to school, Josiah and I go home, and then in the afternoon I pick everyone up again. I spend about 3 hours in the car everyday!

My to-do list is never-ending, but a lot of that is just because I can't help but volunteer for new things. On top of the housework and typical mommy duties, I spent the last month and half planning my baby shower with my mom. It was really her throwing the shower for me, and I offered to be totally hands-off and let her do it all, but she knows how much I like to do it and what I'm capable of. In truth, the idea of doing it herself is overwhelming. It turned out to be a good thing, though, because 2 of the 5 weeks we had to plan, she ended up working until 8pm every night. And none of my friends stepped up to help until the day or two before the shower. So, I spent most days working by myself. The shower turned out awesome, though. It was a Mustache Bash theme with the idea that there is "another little man on his way to the Peterson house". There are lots of pictures, but I think checking them out on my facebook page is better than trying to add them to this post. If you aren't already my friend, send me a request.

Now that the baby shower is over, I thought I'd be able to relax, but I feel like I have even more to do since I have had less than 4 weeks to get my house ready for Micah's arrival. I've been trying to organize our bedroom, keep the rest of the house clean, and get Josiah's room ready too. For the first few months, Micah will be in a bassinet in our room, since I fear that his constant waking through the night would cause problems with Josiah's sleep. But, in the meanwhile, everything will be in Josiah's room (their future room together). So all diapers, clothes, toys, furniture, strollers, bouncy seats, everything are in their tiny room. It's fairly well organized now, but I have to add all of my recent gifts to the room as well as finalize some decor.

And then on top of all of that, I not only joined a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers), but I became the craft coordinator after the first meeting! I've never been in MOPS before this year. If you've never heard of it, it's a Christian-based group for mothers of kids under 6 years old. We meet twice a month for meetings. The kids are all in childcare that's provided. And the 3-5 year olds have lessons and structured activities. There are mentor moms who have older children. They are there to support you any way that you need, having been where you're at before. They'll hold your crying baby, give you advice, pray with you, and just provide any support they can. There is also a staff member for each aspect of the group (one that handles finances, another that handles childcare, one for public relations, one for food/hospitality, one for crafts, and so on). At the meetings, there is often a speaker who talks about issues moms face (usually from a Christian perspective), there's a bit to eat, discussion at your small group table, and a craft project for everyone to do. Once a month the staff meets together to plan out the next month's activities and topics. And the remaining week is an activity that moms and their kids do together outside of the group (like visiting a farm or the fire station). And then there's one Saturday a month where the moms go out by themselves and get to know each other better. I've known online friends who have done it for years, and it always seemed like a neat organization. I just thought Josiah was too young last year (although he wasn't) and I didn't know where it was in my town or how to get involved. I had a conversation with one of my mom's childhood friends who was asked to be a mentor mom this year, and she told me about which church was hosting it. So I googled it and contacted some people and started at the first meeting a few weeks later. As it turned out, they were lacking some staff positions, including a craft coordinator. And when my mom's friend saw me there, she encouraged me to get involved. It's not as easy being 9 months pregnant, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to use the gifts I believe God gave me. So, I took the job. So far it's ok. For the first months, many of the craft activities were planned out for me. On one hand, I don't get to show what I'm really capable of. But on the other hand, I don't have to put as much effort into the activity when I've got so much else on my plate. So, my planner is booked with activities, and there's still more to-do's on the back burner when nothing else is written down. I'm trying to take care of myself and not over-book it either.

Life with Jesse is going well too. He just got a raise after wages were frozen 3 years ago. It was $1.50 more an hour, which is a huge blessing to us! I knew that if he stuck it out through the tough times, he'd be rewarded, and it's nice to see that come to fruition now. He's such a valued employee and we've been fortunate enough to have his job when so many others around us have been laid off. On top of that, Jesse decided to go back to school again. He began his first term at the end of September and is taking a Spanish class in a town about a half hour away as well as 2 online classes. After working 8 hours a day, he spends his evenings either at school or doing homework. I appreciate how hard he is working to better our family. And he's doing extra work around the house as well, since I'm unable to do as much. With the extra money we're receiving from his financial aid and raise, we're planning on buying a minivan or SUV (something with 6+ seats) to be able to hold the two of us, our 2 kids, and Jaydon & Zoe- or when Jaydon & Zoe aren't with us, my mom and brother could ride with us in one vehicle. We may go check out cars today, and our plan is to buy something before Micah comes in 3 1/2 weeks.

We have moved out of our house. Did you know that? After a lot of drama, we found a great landlord who was willing to give us a chance. We moved into a house we love and things have been good. The official marketing period on our house is over, but the bank has not initiated foreclosure proceedings again. There's been more interest in our house lately and one couple who might potentially buy it. That's our best-case scenario! If it doesn't sell, I'm not sure if we can still do the deed in lieu. I don't know if there was a timeline on that or not. It's been difficult to meet with our Realtor in the recent months. But we're not stressed about the situation right now.

Josiah is 25 months old now, and the change in him in the last month has been astounding. At his 2 year check up, he wasn't putting 2 words together in a sentence (except for saying "I stuck!" or "It's stuck!"). Now he's saying 3 work sentences (in only a month!!!). Last night he was holding a stuffed animal and I said, "What is that?" He replied, "It's a dog!" He's learning his colors, numbers, animals and their sounds. He points at everything and wants to know what it is. His vocabulary is now much closer to 100 words. And I think he's so funny! He has the most expressive face and he dances and cheers for himself. This age is definitely the most difficult so far, as far as how much attention he needs and how busy he is, but it's also a lot of fun to see his personality develop. He's still my sweet boy that loves to snuggle with mommy and give lots of hugs and kisses too. We also cut his hair really short this last month. All of those curly locks are gone! As sad as it makes me, I think it was the right choice.

This is what it was before:

Then we got one haircut where I just wanted to trim it and keep it curly:

But I didn't like it. It wasn't curly enough or short enough. It looked awkward. So, I went for it, and had the stylist cut it all off into a faux hawk:

He's such a big boy now!!! Makes me a little sad, but I love him just the same!

Josiah is now wearing mostly 3T clothes (he can still fit in some 2T things too, but I don't buy any more that small). He wears size 6 diapers and size 7 shoes (which are in the little boy's section!!!) He weighs nearly 40 lbs and is right around 3 ft tall. I'm sure he'll surpass me in size by the time he's 10-12 years old, if not sooner!!! We're holding off on potty-training for now too. Our pediatrician believes strongly that 2 and 1/2 is the best age, and while I think some kids are ready earlier, I don't think Josiah is one of them. He is just now saying "I pee" or "I poo", but only when I tell him that he did first. He'll lay down for me to change his diaper when I tell him to, but he doesn't tell me that he needs to be changed. It doesn't seem to phase him at all that his diaper is dirty. He also understands the toilet is to go potty on, but he gets scared and pulls away if I try to sit him on it. He doesn't hide in the corner to go to the bathroom or show ANY signs of being ready. And while I know you can introduce it anyway, I don't want potty-training to be any more drawn out of difficult than it already will be. I also don't want Micah's birth to cause any regression in his training. And I think trying to rush Josiah to the toilet while I'm breastfeeding Micah could prove difficult. So, I'm holding off until Micah is about 3 months old. That way we're on our new routine, adjusted to the new baby, and Josiah really will be 2 and 1/2. Still not looking forward to it, though. :-)

We had an ultrasound for Micah at 32 weeks since I have a history of high blood pressure. I guess the blood pressure can cause my placenta to not work right which can make the baby smaller than normal (malnourished, perhaps). So they needed to do the ultrasound to make sure he was growing properly, which he is... perfectly! This is our glimpse at Micah 3 weeks ago:

And here is me at 32 weeks, 3 days:

And at 34 weeks, 5 days (with exactly 1 month to go)

I think I covered most everything. If you're not my friend on facebook and want to see my other pictures, send me a request here: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=167000118 It's a much easier way for me to stay up-to-date with everyone!

My Baby is 2 Years Old!

2011-08-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

On Monday August 22nd, Josiah turned 2 years old! I can hardly believe it's been 2 years already, and yet I hardly remember life without him. So much has changed! I went from working full time to staying home full time and my world turned from everything else to Josiah being my entire world.

I marvel everyday at how big he has become. He is so full of energy, as I'm sure most 2-year-old's are. He loves to explore EVERYTHING. In our home, it's not so bad, although there are still things he gets into. But any other public domain is a brand new place to explore. He will run from place to place, opening every cabinet, climbing on every chair, touching everything he can get his hands on (which is a lot!). At 7 months pregnant, this wears me out!!! But I have a lot of help most of the time and I try to give him the freedom to explore while still setting boundaries about what is okay or safe.

It seems that he's learning new words all of the time too. Vocabulary has never been his strong suit, but he does talk (less than some kids and more than others) and the words he says are fairly clear (although he does leave off the last syllable most of the time). I want to make a list of all of the words he knows at 2, but it seems overwhelming to even know where to start. He is repeating us a lot more often and babbles all of the time about everything. He points and raises his hands and changes his tone of voice, but I can't understand a single word. He can identify his ears, eyes, nose, mouth, hair, belly button, and toes. He knows quite a few animals and/or animal sounds. He knows some foods and drinks, all of the characters of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, several articles of clothing, and other random objects and phrases. Even though he doesn't say a whole lot, comparatively, I do understand what he wants most of the time- whether he's tattling on someone who told him no, asking for something from the kitchen, asking me to read to him or play with him or turn on the tv, etc.

At his 2 year check up, Josiah weighed in at 35 lbs, 8 oz (99th percentile) and measured 35 1/2" (79th percentile). He's wearing nearly all 3T clothes now and just moved into size 7 shoes. He's also wearing size 6 diapers.

He got his chicken pox vaccine, but we were just one week too early to get his follow up Hepatitis A vaccine, so we have to go back again in a week. Developmentally, he's right on track. There were some cues that I didn't even know to try with Josiah and some that he still couldn't do, but nothing is too concerning. We just have to keep an eye on it and hope that he reaches those milestones by 2 1/2. These were things like drawing a straight line on a paper (copying me), stringing beads on a string, stacking 7 blocks at a time, lining up 4 blocks like I do, or saying 2-3 word sentences. There's absolutely no sign of autism, though.

We're going to have Josiah's hearing re-checked in a few weeks. I realized when I looked back at my blog about Josiah's birth, that he has never passed a single hearing test. He failed the first one in the hospital (in one ear). They said it was due to fluid and gunk in his ears, which was normal and would fix itself. He barely passed before we were released from the hospital. Then he had numerous ear infections throughout his first year and nearly had tubes put in. We only chose to not do it because summer was coming and he may be able to avoid more infections in the warmer months. By the time winter arrived again, he seemed to have out-grown his frequent infections and tubes seemed unnecessary. However, during this time, we had his hearing tested twice, and he never did that great at a hearing test. They always said he had fluid in his ears at the time and did okay considering the fluid, but he never had a great test. Well, it's been nearly 5 months since his last test and he hasn't had an infection in a really long time. So I want to see how he'll do. Our pediatrician said that his hearing shouldn't be bad enough to affect his vocabulary nor should he need hearing aids, but he may say "huh?" or "what?" more often and we'd have to repeat ourselves. While the pediatrician was reviewing the audiologist's notes on file, I read over his shoulder that Josiah scored "borderline normal in the better ear", which still sounds sub-par to me. I am curious as to whether his multiple infections have impaired his hearing or if this was something that happened at birth and we didn't notice the correlation. I am also curious to know at what level he hears at and how we can adapt to either better his hearing or make sure he understands us. He does hear me whisper and mimic me, and he turns his head towards sounds. He just clearly has some level of sub-par hearing.

Lastly, concerning his check-up, I've decided I want to switch pediatricians. There's absolutely nothing wrong with our current pediatrician. He knows his stuff and I trust him. It's solely a personality issue. Dr. Young is very matter of fact and very by-the-textbook. He believes babies need to sleep through the night at a certain age, eat a certain number of ounces of milk and different ages, and potty train at a specific age and in a certain amount of time. While I think it's normal to compare kids to each other, especially other kids to your own kids, but I feel that Dr. Young expects your kid to do things according the book and uses his own kids as an example. For instance, when I asked at 4-5 months old, if I could give Josiah rice cereal with breast milk to help him sleep through the night, I was told it was unnecessary because Dr. Young's own kids slept through the night with only breast milk. And when we talked at our last appointment about potty training, Dr. Young told me that his kids were potty trained in one day with a certain technique (similar to a potty training boot camp). He may be right in everything he says, but it seems unrealistic to expect every kid to follow the same suit. I also feel that there's no relationship and he doesn't know us apart from any other patient. I asked around and am comparing recommendations, but am leaning towards a dr that works through the same organization, but different clinic. We've seen him several times during after-hours visits and have always enjoyed him. I'll finish reviewing different dr's before making the switch, though.

Yesterday, August 27th, we celebrated Josiah's birthday with a big Mickey Mouse themed party. I'll post that in a separate post so that it's not too much all at once. I feel like I'm missing so much in truly expressing all of Josiah's personality and how proud I am of my little man, but I can't think of what else to add. I don't think all of the words in the world could express how much I love him, though. He's so full of personality and of love. I'm proud of everything he's becoming, and while I miss my little baby that he once was, I'm excited to see him grow into the man God created him to be.

I'm going to end with some recent pictures of Josiah throughout the last month or two and probably post about his birthday party tomorrow :-)

Josiah had his first haircut this month. This was how long his hair had become and how curly it was. It was hard to let go of those baby curls, but it was getting a little ridiculous. He had a difficult time during the haircut, so we only trimmed it.



(with my brother)

(playing football with daddy and Jaydon)

My friend took pictures of Josiah at the park for his 2 year portraits (before the haircut). These were a few of my favorites:


Our first trip to the zoo:

(He loved the fish the most. I think we need to go to the aquarium soon!)

(with Nana looking at the giraffes)

The morning of his birthday:

27 Weeks

2011-08-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 27 Weeks, 1 Day

Size of baby: a head of cauliflower, or about 2 lbs and 14.5 inches long from head to toe

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm still right at my pre-pregnancy weight, although I did lose about 5 lbs at the beginning, so I've gained that back.

Maternity Clothes: I feel like my maternity pants are getting tight and my shirts are getting shorter. I may have to break down and buy a few more articles of clothing soon.

Gender: A baby boy!!! Micah James!

Movement: I usually feel him move a bit everyday. It was twice a day, right at midnight and noon, but I'm starting to feel him more regularly. Jesse felt him kick for the first time a few weeks ago, and my mom felt it for the first time this last Sunday. She squealed like a little school girl!

Sleep: Sleep is harder lately because of heartburn, mostly, and getting comfortable. I'm most comfortable on my back but try to stay propped up and not lay flat. I've found myself on the couch everyday this last week to help me sleep. I sleep well there, but don't like not being in my own bed. It's not terrible, though.

What I miss: Probably just the sleep.

Cravings: I'm not craving much these days. I just get hungry and want to eat right then.

Symptoms: I could still throw up everyday, but don't most of the time. A big relief for sure!!!

Best Moment this week: My mom feeling the baby kick.

Me at 26 weeks, 5 days:

Favors: Justin Bieber

2011-08-03T20:24:00.000-07:00

An online friend of mine asked me last week if I could help her figure out some of the details for her daughter's upcoming birthday. It's a Justin Bieber themed party to be held at Chuck E. Cheese (per the daughter's request). My friend asked if I could come up with some favor ideas, spending under $100 for about 13 girls and 9 boys. One idea I had was to make customized candy bar wrappers. This is something I'd done for previous baby showers and am currently in the process of doing for my son's upcoming birthday. I have the basic layout saved on my computer, and it's just a matter of changing the colors, pictures, font, and words to fit the purpose of your party.

I used Microsoft Word to design the whole thing. That's simply what's on my computer and the program I know how to use. I use a rectangle that's 7"x5.25". The first third of it is 2.13"x5.25". The second third is 2.38"x5.25". And the last third is 2.5"x5.25". The top one can have a design on it that coordinates with the rest of it or is blank, but it'll be covered up for the most part. So, it doesn't need to have too much. The middle section will be the front of your candy bar. It's where you're most likely to put something like "Happy Birthday" or "Mandy's Baby Shower", etc. And then the bottom section is where all of the information regarding your party, "ingredients", and "nutritional information" is. I use text boxes and word art to design all of the fonts and written information. I copy images from Google or from my own computer. And I use the shape features in the drawing toolbar to change colors and create borders.

In short, after everything is designed online and printed from my inkjet printer, I buy a box of bulk Hershey's candy bars:

The wrappers are plastic, not the paper and foil ones you get in the store. I leave them as is and then use a roll of white wrapping paper from the $1 store and cover it just like a present. Once they are wrapped in solid white, I cut out the wrapper that I designed on my computer, fold it in a tri-fold around the candy bar and tape it shut.

So, enough talk. More pictures!!!

Here are the candy bar wrappers I designed for the Justin Bieber party. (They aren't print quality since they are copied and pasted as images from Microsoft Word into Paint. If there's a better way, I need to learn it, but this is just so I can post them as pictures for others to see. They print out perfectly crisp and clean looking.) I emailed them to the mom, since she is long-distance from me, and she can print them out and follow the step-by-step directions I just gave to make her own favors:

I may make a few other things for her party before next week, but I'm waiting to hear if she wants me to tweak the candy bars or make anything else. I'll post if I make anything else :-)

(Almost) 25 Weeks

2011-07-13T14:18:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 24 Weeks, 6 Days

Size of baby: an average rutabega, or about 13.5 inches long from head to toe

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up 1 lb from my pre-pregnancy weight.

Maternity Clothes: All that I wear for pants, except for a few pairs of yoga pants here and there. I'll wear any shirts, but maternity shirts seem to show it off just a little bit more.

Gender: A baby boy!!! Micah James!

Movement: I usually feel him move a bit everyday, most often at noon and midnight. It's noticeable through my belly when he kicks hard (which isn't often), and Jesse's FINALLY felt it twice. It's hard, though, because Jesse isn't very patient and my babies have a tendency to stop moving when someone else tries to feel them kick. No one else has felt it yet this pregnancy.

Sleep: Sleep is still difficult, but it has been for years and probably will be for the next few years. That's the life of a young mother :-) I haven't had as much trouble with whatever side I'm laying on, but my hips do get really sore. I also have been going to bed late and getting up early. So, I'm just tired!

What I miss: Probably just the sleep.

Cravings: I'm not craving much these days. I just get hungry and want to eat right then.

Symptoms: I've actually barely thrown up in the past week. I went 3 days without getting sick. I threw up the next day, went 5 more days without getting sick, threw up once more, and haven't gotten sick since (now about 8-9 days or so). I still feel like it some days, but feel like it's more controllable.

Best Moment this week: My dr's appointment.

Dr's Appointment:

I went for my 24 week appointment last Tuesday. Apart from taking Josiah with me (which was EXTREMELY difficult), my appointment went pretty well.

I talked to the business office and found that I only owe $157 for my entire pregnancy because of our insurance coverage and the assistance we receive.
I was up 1 lb from my pre-pregnancy weight. If you count the weight I lost at first, I'm up about 6 lbs total. Not bad for 24 weeks. They never say anything good or bad about it, but I know that being overweight initially means I shouldn't gain much.
My blood pressure was fairly good.
Peeing in a cup was hard with a 2 year old who is able to open the doors by himself, but I did it, and it was fine.
Micah's heartbeat was strong and steady at 145-150 bpm.
My dr. didn't measure my belly with the measuring tape, but felt and said my uterus is where it should be and I'm growing at the right rate.
We discussed scheduling my c-section. The schedule isn't out for November yet, but by the 1st of Sept. I should be able to schedule the date. It also will be no earlier than 1 week before my due date, and should be Nov. 1st, 2nd, or 3rd.
My next appt. I have to do the gestational diabetes test. So I picked up my "yummy" orange juice for next time.
I'll be back in 4 weeks for my 28 week appt (and diabetes test), and then I go to every 2 weeks. At 32 week, I'll have another ultrasound due to my history of high blood pressure.

In other news, my first baby boy will be 2 in less than a month! We are doing a Mickey Mouse party. There's no way I could do anything else with as much as he loves the Mouse. I am working on renting a shelter at the park, but if everything goes according to plan, I will have his party on Aug 27th. I'll post pics soon of the details and ideas.

And here's a picture of me from yesterday:

21 Weeks

2011-06-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 21 Weeks

Size of baby: a carrot, or about 10.5 inches long from head to toe

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I think I'm right about my pre-pregnancy weight.

Maternity Clothes: All that I wear for pants, except for a few pairs of yoga pants here and there. I'll wear any shirts, but maternity shirts seem to show it off just a little bit more.

Gender: A baby boy!!! Micah James!

Movement: He's kicking like crazy today!!! It's not everyday and sometimes it still feels really faint. I tried to have Jesse feel it tonight, but he couldn't, even though I could. I think in the next couple of weeks other people will begin to feel him move too. I've been waiting a long time for this part, and I'm excited it's here.

Sleep: I'm having a harder time sleeping on my side because it makes my hips hurt. I try not to sleep on my back unless I'm propped up high, but that's not always easy. And I'm really missing sleeping on my stomach now, but can't do that at all. If I even get close, I feel sick to my stomach.

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep (especially on my stomach)

Cravings: Same things. Fruit, for sure, and spicy foods, especially the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's.

Symptoms: The sickness is the same. Nothing new. I have gone one day here and there without getting sick, which is pretty good. And I haven't felt faint anymore. Not much else new.

Best Moment this week: Feeling the baby move a lot more and picking out new things for the baby since we finally know he's a boy! I went to a garage sale last week and got 20 items of clothing in great condition for only $4!!! That was exciting! Today, I spent several hours going through all of Josiah's old clothes and toys and boxing them up for Micah, since we'll be moving before he comes. I couldn't believe how little everything was and it just hit me how I'm going to be starting the newborn process all over again! I'm excited to move into our new house, wherever that is, and unload all of those baby items as I get closer to Micah's arrival.

20 Weeks- Ultrasound, Pics, and Gender Reveal!!!

2011-06-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 20 Weeks, 2 Days

Size of baby: a banana, or about 10 inches long from head to toe

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I was 1 lb down from my pre-pregnancy weight 2 days ago.

Maternity Clothes: All that I wear for pants, except for a few pairs of yoga pants here and there. I'll wear any shirts, but maternity shirts seem to show it off just a little bit more.

Gender: You'll have to keep reading to find out...

Movement: I have been feeling the baby move a lot more! I even saw my belly move for the first time while waiting for my ultrasound.

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep (especially on my stomach)

Cravings: Fruit, for sure, and spicy foods, especially the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's.

Symptoms: The sickness is the same. Nothing new. I haven't felt faint anymore. I know what I was doing to bring it on and I've been trying to make sure I take care of myself, but I did ask my dr about it. He said that it's normal for where I'm at in my pregnancy. The first trimester, your blood pressure is usually normal for you, but in the 2nd trimester it can drop and cause the symptoms I was feeling. He told me to stand up slowly when I'm sitting and to stay hydrated and eat frequent snacks and don't get too exhausted.

Best Moment this week: Finding out the baby's gender and celebrating with a big party.

I decorated my entire house in pink and blue:

I painted my nails and tye-dyed my shirt:

Team Boy:

Team Girl:

We had cupcake pinatas. Each person went to the pinata that corresponded with their vote, they all pulled the strings (which didn't work), broke open the pinata, and searched for the one candy bar in each pinata that said "It's a boy" or "It's a girl". Video Here

It's a BOY!!!!

Me with my best friend. She's 8 months pregnant and I'm 5 months. (Both boys!)

Josiah says, "What? I'm having a baby brother?!?!"

We decided at the last minute to change the baby's name. We had planned on Judah Michael (with the middle name being after Jesse's brother). However, Jesse didn't feel the same confidence he had with Josiah that Judah was the perfect name. We went back to our other 3 options, and decided on Micah James (Micah and Michael are derived from the same origin, so that covers Jesse's brother in a roundabout way, and James is after Jesse's dad). (Josiah's middle name is after my dad and brother, so that covers both siblings and dads on both sides.)

Here are the ultrasound pics:

Micah's profile:

Footprint:

And boy parts:

The ultrasound tech said Micah is measuring perfectly. His leg bones were measuring at 20 weeks exactly on that day when I was 20 weeks pregnant exactly. His whole body is measuring right on at 19 weeks, 6 days. His heart, his brain, his kidneys, and his umbilical cord blood flow all look great. My placenta is actually not in the way, as I thought it might be. But he does seem calmer than Josiah ever was, which could be why I didn't feel him much. We couldn't get any great face shots because his arm was in front of his face the whole time, but we'll be back for sure at 30 or 32 weeks for a growth ultrasound since I have a history of high blood pressure. So I'll get to see my baby boy again soon enough.

It took me a little bit to get used to the idea of a 2nd boy. In all honesty, I REALLY wanted a baby girl. And I was struggling with the fear that I may never get one, since we're not certain if we'll have more kids, and there's no guarantee that our 3rd kid would be a girl either way. I was worried that I would never get that dream, but I realized a few things. I absolutely believe God designed Josiah for us and we couldn't ask for a more perfect kid. Why would I believe any differently for Micah. Maybe I'm supposed to be a mom to all boys? Maybe Jesse needs boys? Maybe we just need 2 boys for now, but can still have a girl later? Maybe Josiah needs a brother? Maybe it's all about what God is planning to do in Micah's life apart from us? And, on top of all that, how in the world can I be sad that my baby is a boy rather than a girl when I know how long I waited for both boys and how many other people would give anything to be in my shoes?! So, I'm embracing my baby boy and getting excited to meet him.

I started registering for baby items yesterday. I know it's early and my list will probably change long before my baby shower, but I wanted an idea of what I need and want, and now that I know he's a boy, i can pick gender-specific items. I'm finishing up the prep work for my best friend's baby shower this Saturday, will begin all of the work for Josiah's 2nd birthday coming up in August, and in the meanwhile start helping my mom with plans for my baby shower in September, all before Micah's arrival in November!

19 Weeks & Josiah at 21 Months Old

2011-06-15T11:52:00.001-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 19 Weeks, 1 Day

Size of baby: a large heirloom tomato, or about 6 inches long

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I thought I had gained a few pounds inching my way back to my pre-pregnancy weight (according to my scale at home), but this morning showed me staying the same. I guess we'll see for sure next Tuesday. Either way, I don't think I've lost or gained much. Total at this point = -4lbs

Maternity Clothes: All that I wear for pants, except for a few pairs of yoga pants here and there. I'll wear any shirts, but maternity shirts seem to show it off just a little bit more.

Gender: 6 DAYS!!! I've been really wanting a girl from the time I started considering baby #2, but up until recently I really felt like I'd be completely happy with another boy... just MORE happy with a girl. And then yesterday it hit me, and I started to feel disappointed with the idea of a 2nd boy. I think, though, of how many people still struggle to get pregnant and how selfish that sounds to say that I'd be less than thrilled because my baby isn't what I hoped for. I also know that even though we thought Josiah was a girl, as soon as the tech said "boy", it felt so perfect and right, and I couldn't imagine anything otherwise. God purposed this baby for us at this time. So, I've been praying that God changes my heart to be excited about what He's doing either way. It's less than a day in the making, so it's not there yet, but I believe by next Tuesday I'll feel a ~~peace~~ JOY either way.

Movement: I have been feeling the baby move a tiny bit, but it's so faint and so far in between that I barely notice it. I really have been wondering if I have an anterior placenta (where it's in front of the baby) causing me to not feel much. Either that, or this baby just isn't as rambunctious as Josiah. I'm interested to see what the ultrasound shows.

Sleep: I sleep okay. I miss sleeping on my stomach lately. I did so well for months, but now I'd love to turn over and just lay flat! My right side gives me heartburn and my left side makes me burp instantly. And although my back feels the best, I'm trying to avoid it, knowing that it puts a lot of pressure on the baby. So, I'm able to get through most nights, but do toss and turn a lot and wake up achy!

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep (especially on my stomach)

Cravings: Fruit, for sure, and spicy foods, especially the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's.

Symptoms:The sickness is the same. I'll ask my dr on Tuesday what he thinks of it. My last OB let me go my whole pregnancy just dealing with it, which I could do again. But I know there are medications that could make it better. It just depends on how helpful he wants to be or how important he sees the situation. I haven't felt faint anymore. I know what I was doing to bring it on and I've been trying to make sure I take care of myself, but I will bring it up to my dr to make sure everything is ok.

Best Moment this week: Getting a week away from knowing the baby's gender, and noticing my growing belly, especially this morning when Jesse commented on it.

Josiah...

Josiah turned 21 months old on May 22nd. He is a big ol' ball of fun right now- and a total handful! His vocabulary is slowly growing. His most recent new words are "stuck!" that he yells when he wants out of his highchair or gets himself stuck in some weird place, and "Daisy" that he yells when they introduce the characters on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He may be saying others too, but that's the clearest. He does say Mickey Mouse too, but it sounds like "Mah Mow". He LOVES Mickey Mouse for sure, and that is definitely the theme for his 2nd birthday party! I do find that he understands so much more than I give him credit for sometimes. The other day he was putting my t-shirt into his highchair while playing, but I didn't want him to get it dirty and took it away. I realized that he had a tiny Mickey Mouse toy and was laying it down and using the shirt as a blanket, patting Mickey and saying "night night". I didn't want to ruin what he was doing, so I suggested he pick up a napkin off of the floor and use that instead. He understood me and did it without hesitation or complaint. I was surprised that he understood the words I used (since they were longer, full sentences, like you'd say to an adult, rather than short choppy phrases) and that he got it on the first try. I wonder if I "dumb" things down too much for him and should give him more complex instructions more often.

He is officially in his toddler bed, but it's still a fight most nights to keep him there. Since birth, Josiah has slept in his own bed in his room, but if he wakes crying in the middle of the night, I don't mind bringing him in to bed with me. In fact, I prefer it over staying up and trying to get him back to sleep. Often he'll fall asleep instantly in our bed. When he started climbing out of his crib, we tried the playpen, but he could climb out of that too. There wasn't really any safe alternative or good method to get him to sleep in his room. He was displaying signs of being legitimately afraid, which we thought was of the dark. When we got a night light, it seemed that he was more afraid of being alone. So, we let him sleep in our bed until his toddler bed actually arrived. Once we got it set up, we tried laying him in it and walking away and shutting the door as we used to, but I think it was a big shock as we had been sleeping with him for weeks. So, we tried to either hold him in our arms in the living room and then carry him to bed once he fell asleep, or to sit next to his bed until he fell asleep. Both had many flaws! After so much time, I figured he needed more of a push to stay in bed without us, so I laid him in bed and walked away, but sat in the dining room where I could see him and he could see me (but where I wasn't in his room). He got up a good 12 times or so and tried sneaking out of his room, but I'd stand up, hold his hand, and walk him back to bed, telling him that it's night night time and he needed to go to sleep. He finally fell asleep and slept through the entire night. After this, I stopped getting up and walking him back, but would just tell him to go lay back down when he'd get up. He'd cry and run back to his bed, but he was at least doing it. This time, he only got up twice and slept through the night. More often than not, he still just won't fall asleep and screams constantly or will get up in the middle of the night and still crawl into our bed. I don't mind the latter, but it's gone from 6:30am to 4:30am to 1:30am, which ends up equaling most of the night! So, it's a constant process...

He's still my cuddly boy. I love his hugs and kisses and how excitedly he showers affection on those around him. You can tell who he's the closest to by how excited he gets, but he loves people altogether. Jesse tells him that I'm home when I've been away, and Josiah climbs to the window and cheerfully shouts and bangs on the window until I come inside. Then he grabs me and all of my stuff and will even wrap himself around my leg, causing me to have a hard time walking. I love that he loves me! He's also still really good at playing by himself or with other kids. I appreciate the time I get to myself, even if it's frequently interrupted with him climbing in my lap or bringing me toys too.

He definitely has more of a will-power and isn't afraid to express it. He hates being told no and having something taken away (which I think I would too), and he falls to the floor and yells "NOOOO!" and cries. But he often gets over it just as quickly, which I appreciate very much!!! I expect fits at this age, and while I try to teach him to respond properly to the situation, I'm also thankful it's not worse than it is.

He's started showing a deep interest in art. Often, the place we're at is a playground to him- somewhere new to explore with a million things to get into. Toys don't suffice here. He wants to open drawers and cabinets and dig through things and grab candles and other "no no" things. But if you give the boy some paper and something to draw with, he completely changes tunes. He will sit happily for quite some time and draw very precisely. He holds his pen/crayon properly, without ever being taught, and it very particular about where on the paper he draws. And he gets MAD when it's taken away from him. I'm working on teaching him to stay seated and only draw on paper (for the sake of our furniture and walls), but he definitely has an affinity for it, which does this artistic momma proud! He's also so mechanically-minded, enjoying figuring out how things work. He wants to zip and unzip, latch and unlatch, open and close every door, drawer, basket, bag, and box he can get his hands on. He puts things into it and pulls them out and will repeat for some time. I'm curious to see how these abilities will translate into his childhood, teen, and adult years.

I won't know exact numbers until his 2 year check-up, but Josiah is HUGE! He hasn't slimmed down at all with the submersion into toddlerhood. Instead, he just keeps getting bigger and bigger. My guess is that he's 36-38 lbs (from our home scale) and I have no idea on height except that he's taller than the other kids his age around here. He wears 2T and 3T clothes and is moving into size 6 diapers. I keep trying to squeeze him into the 5's, but honestly they're getting too small. He also wears a size 6 shoe. I have trouble carrying him for any length of time, especially the more pregnant I get! But he takes after his daddy in this way.

That's about all I can think of. I'll be sharing next week when we find out the gender of our baby!

18 Weeks

2011-06-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 18 Weeks

Size of baby: a bell pepper, or about 5.5 inches long

Total Weight Gain/Loss: At my dr's appt last week, I was up 2 lbs from before but still down 4 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. It was right after lunch, though, so even those 2 lbs might have been my food baby. My scale at home is basically staying the same. I'm sure as I enter the halfway mark, I should start slowly gaining more and more.

Maternity Clothes: I just got a whole box of new clothes from my cousin! I, for sure, need maternity pants. And, as summer is approaching, I need more shorts or capris that are comfortable. But for shirts, I'm pretty well set. I can still wear normal tank tops or shirts, and the maternity shirts are great because they are built to be roomier and show off the bump a little more.

Gender: June 21st is the big day!!! Woo!!! That's just 12 more days!!! I am trying to arrange a BBQ that night to reveal the big news to everyone, but since it's a Tuesday, it's not ideal. If it doesn't work out, we'd wait until July 1st to have the BBQ because there's a lot going on between those days and it wouldn't work out any earlier. My plan is to have a BBQ at our house, have everyone wear pink or blue depending on their guess, have decor for both genders, and then reveal the news with pinatas! Most people use cake or cupcakes that are dyed the right color to announce it. I wanted something different, and found these adorable cupcake pinatas in both pink and blue. They are pull string pinatas, so everyone can grab a string and pull, and then there will be confetti and candy that comes out to announce the news. I was thinking Almond Joys or Mounds because, as you know, "Almond Joys have nuts. Mounds don't..." I may find other candies that also hint at the gender too.

Movement: I just felt it for the first time last Thursday. I was getting worried because not only had I not felt the baby (when I felt Josiah weeks earlier), but my belly was also measuring smaller. I knew that the placement of the placenta, the activity level of the baby, gas/bloating, what I ate, and where the baby was positioned could affect both of those things. I just hadn't heard my baby's heartbeat in a month and feared that something could've gone wrong. But not only did I hear the heartbeat that day, but I began to feel little movements too! Finally, we're getting to the fun stuff!!!

Sleep: I've been sleeping better overall, but have wanted to sleep on my back and stomach and have trouble not doing that. So, I toss back and forth all night between both sides.

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep

Cravings: Fruit, for sure, and spicy foods, especially the spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's.

Symptoms: I still throw up every morning. I've also been trying to watch my blood pressure because I have a history of it spiking really high (which it was when I went into my dr's appt, probably due to nerves about the health of my baby). However, I've also been having symptoms of low blood pressure. It usually comes on when I'm shopping or doing something else "strenuous" like carrying Josiah or cleaning up. I get clammy/sweaty, feel a little sick, and need to sit down or I feel like I might pass out. I am always fine within minutes if I just take time to cool down. I am planning on talking to my dr at my next appointment to see if it's possible or likely that my blood pressure is swinging between the 2 extremes.

Best Moment this week: Going to the dr's office, hearing my baby's heartbeat immediately (especially bc I was worried) and scheduling my ultrasound (and subsequently planning the reveal party!)!!!

16 Weeks

2011-05-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 16 Weeks

Size of baby: an avocado, or about 4.5 inches long

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I think I'm back up to my pre-pregnancy weight. I don't know what the dr's scale says until next week. My belly seems to be changing shapes too. I always measure at my belly button, and I had gained 4 inches, but now I seem to be back to the size I was before. However, I think that I'm rounder lower down than that. So, it just kinda shifted.

Maternity Clothes: I need more! I've got 2 pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of capris, but I need some dress pants. I can wear pretty much all of the same shirts as before, and usually do. They just get more form-fitting as I get bigger.

Gender: We won't know until the last week of June or first week of July. 1 more month!!!

Movement: I feel spasms and twitches all of the time, but I don't know if it's baby or something else. I had already felt the first tickles of Josiah at this point, but I felt a lot more tickles and twitches from the very beginning this time (when it couldn't have been a baby). So I'm not sure what to think until it gets stronger

Sleep: I've been sleeping a little better, but spend most of the weekend on the couch because I sleep better there since I can sit up and be supported on more sides. I dread going to sleep, though, because it's never enough and I wake up sick every morning.

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep

Cravings: I've been craving more pickles and fruit lately.

Symptoms: I haven't been as nauseous during the day, but throw up every morning, just like I did with Josiah. Other symptoms, like incontinence, fatigue, lack of sleep, breast tenderness, etc. are all fairly mild.

Best Moment this week: Being 4 months today- 6 months left to go!

It cracks me up every time!!!

2011-05-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

1:30AM

2011-05-15T02:39:00.000-07:00

What better thing do I have to do at 1:30am than write a blog? Sleep?!?! Eh, it can wait. Well, I say that now, but when Josiah wants to get up and play in the morning, I may be saying otherwise.

Anywho... I thought I'd post a real update since I haven't done one in awhile- dedicated to my one faithful reader (and any secret lurkers who never reveal themselves)!

Let's see, with my craft business, I started to get a bit burned out. My most successful product to sell was my sock monkeys, but I found them difficult to price. So I was selling them for cheaper than they should be, and then was barely making a profit when it was all said and done. Furthermore, because each one is customized exactly to how the customer wanted, I would get requests out of left field and just finding the sock that fit their preference became a chore. I think it's better to have the sock monkey (or even just the sock) already on hand or made and then allow it to be customized rather than having to hunt down some obscure request. But since I'm just starting out, I was selling to mostly friends and wanted to give them the best possible product. I only have two nights a week dedicated to doing crafts, though (which I'm very thankful for at all) but it made it difficult to ever work on anything else but sock monkeys. I want to be able to crochet, and paint, and work on parties that I'm hosting, and a million other things too. So, if you're reading this and have requested a sock monkey, I haven't forgotten about you and I do plan on finishing all of the pending orders ASAP. However, what really set me over the edge was one particular customer. I met her through babycenter.com when we were on the same baby board and ended up with mutual friends. We have been friends on Facebook since the time both of our kids were born nearly 2 years ago. She is a Christian woman who owns her own at home business making customized t-shirts, tutus, and bows for infants and toddlers. She requested a sock monkey for her daughter by Easter. We talked in an easy, casual manner back and forth as we figured out the details, I purchased all of the material, and posted pictures of the progress. A week before Easter, I sent her the information to buy the monkey so it could be sent to her in time. I heard nothing back. A few days later, I tried again, trying my best to make sure she'd have it in time to give to her daughter Easter day. Still no response. A week later (after Easter), I ask if she's still interested in the monkey, to which she finally replies that I don't have to be so rude and that she's mad at me for not getting it to her in the time she asked. So it's no longer a "priority" of her's. I'm furious now because I didn't think I did anything wrong, wasn't rude, and it wasn't my fault that she didn't respond to me in time. I respond with exactly this and tell her that she doesn't have to do business with me if she's unhappy. She decides she does want the monkey, but gets mad again when I post it through etsy instead of paypal because she didn't want to create an etsy account just for this purchase. I didn't respond right away because it's now no longer my priority to deal with her, and she deletes me from her friendlist on Facebook. AGH!!! I decided that I much prefer to do event planning, throwing baby showers and birthday parties for people, and that the work that goes into it is usually not a chore to me, but a joy. So I think I'm going to focus on the event planning curriculum that I already have ordered and waiting for me, but that I've been putting off while working on my crafts. I did throw a baby shower in February, another last week, and have my best friend's shower coming up in June, along with Josiah's 2nd birthday in August, and my baby shower (which will mostly be my mom's event) in September. I may even help out with a few other parties and showers during that time. So, I'm looking forward to what's coming up this year.

Jesse is still working at the same job and is not going to school at this point (or anytime soon). So there's not much to report at this time. It's nothing he's thrilled about, but he has no other direction right now and we're thankful that in this economy he not only has a job, but is valued there.

We have been going to a new church since around October. It's much bigger than the one we came from (where we attended for 10-12 years). We really enjoy it and have gotten to know people since attending a small group earlier this year. However, because we are not officially members there, are not involved in any particular ministry, and because it is much bigger of a church, there's not the same loyalty or obligation to attend every week as we had before. If Josiah has a runny nose or cough, I don't want to take him to the nursery. If I am throwing a baby shower that afternoon or have a UTI (like a couple of weeks ago) or if we were up all night, then we just don't go. Sometimes, we do attend our old church instead, just to see family and friends again, but I do miss the true relationships and involvement. I wish I could combine the two churches!

Josiah is 20 months old now (21 months in a week). He is so big! His vocabulary, while not his strong point, is ever-expanding. His newest thing is saying several different animals and/or their sounds. He says dog, oof oof (as its sound), mow (for kitty), moo or boo (for cow), bear, duck. I think he tries to say fish but it sounds like Daffy Duck talking with lots of raspberries and spit. He can point to a bunny. He shakes his head when I say tiger because I shake my head when I growl. That's all I can think of at this time of night, but I'm sure there's more. He's definitely our little climber. He gets into everything! He can reach most of the first 6 inches on the kitchen countertops, so everything has to be pushed far back. But then he can move furniture around the house and stand on it to get what he wants that's out of reach! He's known for climbing on top of tables and whatever else may be the highest platform in the house. He is so lovable! I really believe his love language is physical affection because he loves hugs and kisses and cuddling. You can tell who he's really close to because he'll run up and hug and kiss them. He also squeezes his stuffed animals and hugs and kisses them too! It's adorable!!! He has started saying I love you ("loo loo") and giving me a kiss when he says it. But he associates it with leaving, so he does it and then waves and says "bye". The newest adventure in our house is that Josiah began climbing out of his crib. One night we were fine. I'd never even seen him try it. And the next night he's banging on his bedroom door and crying after we had already laid him in his crib! We couldn't get him to stay at all! So, the next day we tried his playpen thinking the walls were higher and that the mesh would be harder to climb. He still got out. Then, it seemed to be an issue of possibly being scared of the dark rather than just wanting to avoid bedtime. He seemed legitimately scared and would be shaking and screaming if we left him in his room at night. This is not normal at all! But I figured that it's a part of the age he is, where his imagination and dreams are more vivid. Perhaps he had a scary dream or sees a shadow on the wall that freaks him out. I don't know. So, we bought a night light that shone fish on the ceiling. It wasn't bright enough. So I brought in another light, which definitely helped, but I realized at this point that it wasn't just the dark. It's like he's scared to be alone at night. During the day, I do put him in his playpen and he will sleep. He often still climbs out, but he's content enough in there (at least not screaming in fear for sure!) and will fall asleep on the floor somewhere if not in the playpen. However, at night, we have been unsuccessful at getting him to sleep in his room unless he first falls asleep in our arms and is put in his room asleep. Sometimes he will still wake in the middle of the night, though, and freak out. So, nearly every night, he has been sleeping with us, which is not a habit I want to maintain, but I'm not going to punish him for being scared and right now there isn't an immediate fix. We did order a toddler bed, deciding that the tent/canopy for the crib would only make him angry and be potentially dangerous. Once we get the bed (sometime next week), we are going to make a big deal of it and hopefully encourage him to sleep there. At least if he climbs out, he's not going to get hurt. But I fear that overcoming this separation anxiety or fear of the dark alone or whatever is going to be a challenge!

My pregnancy is going okay at this point. I have the same morning sickness I had with Josiah, which is first thing in the morning and then I'm generally fine. It did start earlier this time (at about 8 weeks instead of 10). And I do sometimes end up getting sick again in the morning after our first naptime. I also don't feel as well as quickly and have an aversion (or apathy more likely) towards most food. Otherwise, I feel tired quickly, but my symptoms are really mild and nothing to complain about. I'll be 15 weeks on Tuesday and am getting a bit of a belly for sure. I need to take another picture asap. I have my next appointment in 2 weeks, which will be a really short routine appointment. And then a month from then, I'll have my big ultrasound and find out the gender of this baby. I'm thinking a girl because I have been a bit more sick and because the baby's heartbeat is faster than Josiah's was, but we also thought Josiah was a girl. So I'm not convinced of anything yet.

Our house, as you may remember, is for sale as a short sale, but we've had very little activity on it. We had one offer before, but then it was appraised much higher and the buyer didn't want to go up at all. So, it went back on the market. We had/have 120 days to try to sell it from that point, and then we'd either be in escrow with a buyer or we'd do a deed in lieu where we clean the house, turn in the keys, and walk away. We don't really care either way. But both would mean we're out by July (or August if escrow goes a little longer). We're really tired of living here and having the sale over our heads all of the time. It's difficult to keep the house clean when we're living here and then we have to worry (although not very often because of so little activity) about being gone when people want to see the house. We're hoping to start applying for some houses/apartments soon, but need to find out if it's considered abandonment if we leave at this stage...

Oh, and I am still doing daycare, but only with my cousins who are 7 & 9 years old now. I take them to school every morning and pick them up in the afternoons. Besides transporting them everywhere, I actually watch them very little since they're in school and their mom works day shift, but I do get paid for the hours before and after school, as well as getting compensated for the mileage when I file my taxes. I'm not sure what will happen this summer when they are out of school because I would normally have then 9 hours a day, but their mom will have to start paying out of pocket soon and may be unable to afford that much. So, I may lose hours at the same time. And then I really don't know what I'm going to do after November when the baby comes. I won't be able to drive or even watch them for a couple of weeks, and then we have the problem of only having 1 small car that barely fits the 5 of us now (Jesse, me, Josiah, and the two kids). Once we have a baby, we're going to either need a 2nd car, a bigger car, or a different system for daycare. There's so many changes between now and then, though (even the possibility that we could move to their apartment complex and I wouldn't need to drive as much). So I'm not even trying to figure it out yet!

Lastly, my Mother's Day present from Jesse was family portraits to be taken earlier today. We decided to have them done now while I'm pregnant and it's just the 3 (and 1/2) of us. And then I can do Josiah's 2nd birthday pictures in July/August and newborn pictures in November. Josiah was not easy to take the pictures with. He wanted to play with the blocks in the other room instead of being forced to sit and smile for the camera. He arched his back and screamed and ran away, but we happened to get some great shots in between all of that. Check out the album here!

14 Weeks- 2nd Trimester!

2011-05-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 14 Weeks, 2 Days

Size of baby: a lemon, or about 3.5 inches long

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Down 6 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight. I haven't measured my belly this week.

Maternity Clothes: I need more! I wear the same clothes every few days! I need to go shopping!

Gender: We won't know until the last week of June or first week of July

Movement: I feel spasms and twitches all of the time, but I don't know if it's baby or something else.

Sleep: I've been sleeping a little better, but spend most of the weekend on the couch because I sleep better there since I can sit up and be supported on more sides.

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep

Cravings: I've been craving more pickles and fruit lately.

Best Moment this week: Reaching the 2nd trimester and celebrating Mother's Day with my precious family.

Baby Shower: School Teacher Theme

2011-05-07T23:06:00.000-07:00

Remember the John Deere shower? Well, my friend Rose, who I helped plan the party for her sister with, was also pregnant and due with her baby in July. Being a school teacher, I helped 2 of her sisters put together a school themed co-ed shower for Rose and her husband. I designed these invitations, which were mounted front and back on scrapbooking paper, like a postcard:

As a guestbook, we used a regular school composition book, which I decorated using stickers and pictures of the couple and their families:

We played a few games. One of which was to guess how many erasers were in the baby bottle. I made the chalkboard out of these pre-made boards from Michael's that I painted and used stick-on chalkboard paper and stickers to decorate.

We also played the game where you don't say the word "baby", but to put a teacher twist on it, we handed out pencils. The guests held onto their pencils unless they were caught saying the forbidden word, and the person with the most pencils won. I found this pre-made pencil box with chalkboard top at Michael's and decorated it with stickers and flashcards:

The next 2 games were Pop Quizzes that I created with Rose's sisters. One was a history quiz about Rose & Chris' relationship, and one was a math quiz regarding the costs of having a baby.

I made a banner from paper apples and bulletin board letters to say "Welcome Alex"

The favors ("Extra Credit") were made with little paper sacks (like a lunch bag), tied with "Thank You" ribbon, a charm, and contained M&M's inside.

The food was all school-themed as well, and I made a menu board just like the eraser guessing game:

Rose's sister made the petite fours:

I made chocolate covered pretzels to look like crayons:

The tables were simple, decorated in red and white tablecloths with book centerpieces.

"Show & Tell" was where the presents were placed:

We handed out award certificates, ribbons, and gift cards for each of the game prizes:

The shower was so fun to put together and suited the couple of honor perfectly!

13 Weeks

2011-05-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 13 Weeks, 1 Day

Size of baby: a medium shrimp, or almost 3 inches long

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Down 6 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight and up 4 inches in my waistline

Maternity Clothes: I can still wear all of my regular shirts, and will probably do so most of my pregnancy, but I only wear maternity pants.

Gender: We won't know until the last week of June or first week of July

Movement: I feel spasms and twitches all of the time, but I don't know if it's baby or something else.

Sleep: I've been sleeping a little better, but spend most of the weekend on the couch because I sleep better there since I can sit up and be supported on more sides.

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep

Cravings: Nothing right now. I just eat whatever sounds good at that exact moment.

Best Moment this week: I had my first OB appointment and got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I love my new dr, and am so glad I switched. I had a pelvic exam and my uterus and cervix look/feel like they are supposed to. I decided to officially have a repeat c-section after weighing the options with my dr. And we planned my next appointment for June 2nd, I believe.

We agreed on our top boy and girl names for this baby. A boy will be Judah Michael, and a girl will be Melia Raelynn. I have 3 back-up names for each too. I'm so relieved to have a decision made now!

And Josiah started saying "baby" tonight and pointing to my belly. I know he doesn't quite understand, but it's adorable!!! He also said "No, no. Don't touch," today. Guess I've said that a few times! The other new development this week is Josiah has started climbing out of his crib. I tried putting him in his playpen, but he can climb out of that too. He seems scared of his room, but napped well during the day today. Not sure if I need a night light or a crib tent or a toddler bed or what. Trying to figure it out because I'm losing a lot of sleep each night.

12 Weeks and an Update on Josiah

2011-04-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 12 Weeks, 1 Day

Size of baby: a lime, or just over 2 inches

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Still haven't gained weight. I'm down about 2 lbs and holding

Maternity Clothes: I can still wear all of my regular shirts, and will probably do so most of my pregnancy, but I only wear maternity pants.

Gender: We won't know until June

Movement: I feel spasms and twitches all of the time, but I don't know if it's baby or something else.

Sleep: I've been sleeping a little better, but spend most of the weekend on the couch because I sleep better there since I can sit up and be supported on more sides.

What I miss: Not throwing up every morning and enjoying sleep

Cravings: Nothing right now. I just eat whatever sounds good at that exact moment.

Best Moment this week: I was told for the first time that I am started to look pregnant. I measured myself and realized that I've gained 4 inches in my waistline! Here's a pic:

Josiah is 20 months old now and getting bigger day by day! As I type this, he is climbing up and down the ottoman with a blanket wrapped around his head and playing peek-a-boo. He is into everything and keeps me super busy, but he is so much fun too! My favorite thing he just started doing is saying "I love you", but it sounds kinda like "loo-loo". He waves bye at everyone, even in the drive through or check out stand. He hides his face with his hands when he's being shy and he is one of the happiest kids I know. He isn't showing any signs of potty training yet, but I want to introduce the potty to him soon because I don't want to worry about beginning it with a newborn. I'm learning that his love language is definitely physical affection. He loves cuddling and hugs and kisses. He loves his momma more than anything, but I don't blame him as I'm pretty awesome! He is learning lots of animals and their sounds. He loves his stuffed animals, especially Mickey Mouse, and any balls too. His 2nd birthday party will probably be a Mickey Mouse theme since that's his favorite thing ever. He sleeps about 7-8 hours a night, and then another 3 after we drop off Jesse at work and Jaydon and Zoe at school. Then he naps another 2-3 hours each evening. He eats everything we eat. He's wearing size 5 diapers and 2T-3T clothes. I don't know how tall he is, but he weighs about 35 lbs! He's just solid like his daddy!!! We had to turn his car seat forward finally because he outgrew the weight limit for rear-facing, even though I have one of the largest weight limits on the market. He's liking being forward, though, because he can see me in the rearview mirror and can see more out the windows. Everything else is subtle changes, like understanding more directions and pretending more when he plays. He brings me so much joy, though, and I adore him!!!

The following pictures are Easter Day:

This is him hiding his eyes being shy:

And playing peek-a-boo with his pizza:

And these are some of our everyday events:

11 Weeks

2011-04-20T21:48:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone still reads my blog anymore. Hello??!?!? Anyone out there????

Oh, well. I'll write it for me, if not anyone else...

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 11 Weeks

Size of baby: a fig, or just over an inch and half

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Still haven't gained weight. I vary between 2-5 lbs lost

Maternity Clothes: Wearing them all of the time- or yoga pants- anything comfortable

Gender: We won't know until June

Movement: Nothing yet. I think I feel things, and I might be, but nothing I can be certain about.

Sleep: Sleep is still the same. I sleep better on one side particularly. The other sometimes makes me feel sick to my stomach, and sleeping on my stomach makes me feel sick too. Otherwise, I have the same issues as always- Josiah waking in the middle of the night, being hot/cold, having to pee, waking up after dreams (which are much more vivid lately)

What I miss: Not wondering if I'm going to throw up at some point today and enjoying my food.

Cravings: Nothing right now. I just eat whatever sounds good at that exact moment.

Symptoms: I got really sick this week with a cold and the coughing definitely made throwing up worse. I broke down crying several days in a row, exhausted at the thought of going through this for 30 more weeks. My mom reminded me to give it to God each day, recognizing that, for whatever reason, morning sickness is a part of pregnancy. And to focus on the gift of life I have rather than the temporary sickness. Since I have changed my attitude, I've still thrown up but have not been getting so down about it. Each morning, I just say, "Ok, God. Here we go again. Help me through this."

Best Moment this week: I finally had my first pre-OB appointment. I just met with the nurse, but I went over all of our medical history information, get blood drawn, have a pee-test done, and go over the do's and don'ts of pregnancy. It wasn't anything huge, but I was happy to get the ball rolling and enjoyed talking with the nurse. I go back again and hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time in 2 weeks!

10 Weeks

2011-04-12T13:24:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 10 Weeks

Size of baby: a kumquat, or a little over an inch

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Still haven't gained weight. I vary between 2-5 lbs lost

Maternity Clothes: Wearing them all of the time- or yoga pants- anything comfortable

Gender: We won't know until June

Movement: Nothing yet.

What I miss: Not wondering if I'm going to throw up at some point today and enjoying my food.

Cravings: Nothing right now. I just eat whatever sounds good at that exact moment.

Symptoms: I've been throwing up nearly everyday and feel queasy pretty often throughout the day. I started taking vitamin B6 and it has helped a lot. I still throw up some days or think I might, but I don't feel queasy at all anymore.

Best Moment this week: Reaching 10 weeks (double digits and 1/4 of the way through)

9 Weeks

2011-04-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 9 Weeks
Size of baby: a grape, or nearly 1 inch
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Still haven't gained weight. I vary between 2-5 lbs lost
Maternity Clothes: I got my first pair of maternity jeans (2 pairs) yesterday because all of my old maternity clothes are summer clothes and I needed some long pants. I'm very excited to get dressed today like a normal person and feel comfortable!
Gender: We won't know until June
Movement: Nothing yet.
Sleep: Sleep is still the same. I sleep better on one side particularly. The other sometimes makes me feel sick to my stomach, and sleeping on my stomach makes me feel sick too. Otherwise, I have the same issues as always- Josiah waking in the middle of the night, being hot/cold, having to pee, waking up after dreams (which are much more vivid lately)
What I miss: Not wondering if I'm going to throw up at some point today.
Cravings: Nothing this past week. I eat whatever I can tolerate at that exact moment. My family went out to eat and I was looking forward to having a salad and maybe a slice of pizza. When we got there, breadsticks sounded good too. But when the food arrived at our table, I couldn't even stand the idea of the breadsticks or the pizza and only ate my salad. Jesse laughed at me and said, "You are SO pregnant!"
Symptoms: I've felt a little more sick to my stomach lately. It's not quite nausea and usually doesn't make me throw up, except for yesterday when I got sick for the first time. Otherwise, it comes on really quickly but just makes me gag.
Best Moment this week: I had an ultrasound at a little clinic to make sure that the baby was growing healthy and that there was indeed only one baby. We couldn't see much but the little outline of the baby and that strong heartbeat pumping away.

A Glimpse of Baby #2

2011-03-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

I am (according to my last period date) 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant. However, I couldn't get in to even see the nurse at my dr's office until 2 weeks from now (scheduling it over a month ago) and that would be just to go over my future appointments and weigh-in and everything. Then I wouldn't see my dr. until May 2nd where I'd get to hear the baby's heartbeat. But I still wouldn't even get an ultrasound until June! I felt like there were so many unknowns. What if I was really further along than 8 weeks? What if I was having more than 1 baby? What if it wasn't growing properly? I wasn't overly concerned, but didn't like the idea of waiting until June to have any answers. So, I googled a few places around town to find somewhere where I could even pay to have an ultrasound.

I found this clinic that offered free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds to women in crisis situations. I contacted them to find out about the possibility of me getting an ultrasound there. I was even willing to make a donation, but I did not want to go under false pretenses of being in a crisis situation and explained my story. They said that all of their services are free to everyone and that I was welcome to make an appointment anyway. So, I scheduled an appointment for this morning to take a pregnancy test (their protocol) and then an ultrasound following it. My mom happened to be off work and joined me (also helping out with Josiah) and then Jesse took a few hours off work to join me too. Everyone there was extremely nice. I had to answer some questions and they explained their services (which I probably won't need too much, since we're able to afford our own prenatal services and supplies). I took the pregnancy test (which was not surprisingly positive) and then we had the ultrasound. The staff all consists of volunteers and the machine, although new, is not fancy by any means. So it wasn't the clearest of pictures. Plus, the baby and sac ended up measuring smaller, making me not as far along as I thought I might be. This could be the lack of experience of the technician or even the angle of the pictures she took, but it put the baby anywhere from 7 weeks 3-6 days, and my due date anywhere from November 11-17th (instead of the 8th that I thought). I'm not going to change my due date until my own doctor says that it's otherwise, though.

We got to see the tiny sac, which is the prominent black circle in the picture. I think that the baby is laying sideways across the bottom, with its head on the right side and rump on the left. It's only about 1 1/2 cm big. And we saw the heartbeat flickering at a strong 166 bpm! While not the clearest pictures, we did see a baby and we did see a heartbeat, which is most important. So, check out the pictures of baby #2!