9 Months

I am now 9 months pregnant! It's a crazy notion. And, now, as I continue to count down the days, I'm finding that the countdown is at 29 days... 28 days... 27 days... It's now less than 4 weeks... less than one month! And, it's even crazier for me to think that there's really no reason why Josiah couldn't arrive at any given time. Today may have started off as a normal day, but tonight I could be holding my baby in my arms. And, while I doubt it'll be so soon, the truth is that I simply don't know. I think that's the best way to describe where I'm at in this pregnancy right now- a state of wondering! I wonder when I'm going to go into labor. I wonder what it'll actually feel like. Where I will be. How fast it will hit me. What it will be like checking into the hospital. What time of day Josiah will arrive. How bad (or do-able, in my optimistic opinion) labor will actually be. I wonder what he will look like. What emotions will flood over me. I wonder how much he'll weigh and how tall he will be. I wonder what kind of temperament he will have. How well he will sleep and eat and what life will be like with a newborn in our house. It all just seems surreal!

My best friend asked me the other day if I was getting more and more excited. I definitely am excited when I think about seeing my baby face-to-face and watching Jesse hold him for the first time. But, in general, my strongest feeling is one of utter disbelief. "You mean that in less than a month, I'm going to have a baby?!?! You mean that I get to keep him?... FOREVER?! He's going to be my son." Our lives are never going to be the same, and while I've NEVER thought of that fact as a negative thing, it's a fact nonetheless. I was telling Jesse that just sitting on the couch watching TV at 9:00pm is going to be different after having a baby. It's just this awareness that there is another person in the house. It's a consciousness of how loud we are being while he's sleeping or an acute ear to listen for sounds of fussiness. It means that every time we leave the house, he have another person to pack a whole bag for. We have to plan our schedule accordingly, to make time to dress him, to make sure we have all of his stuff that he'll need while we're gone, and to load him up in the car. Even when he's not with us, from now on he'll be in our thoughts always. I'll always be thinking of how he's doing without us, and when I go shopping, I'll be thinking of what I can buy for him. It's a change that I welcome with open arms, one that is accompanied with FAR MORE joy than anxiety, but it's a change nonetheless. And I can't help but ponder all of the possibilities, still knowing that I truly have no clue!

Tomorrow I have my 36 week appointment. I will have a Group B Strep test done and I will be examined to see if I have dilated or effaced any. I'm curious about it- for one, because it could indicate how soon Josiah will come, and because I'm not really sure if I've been having contractions or not. My friend was telling me recently about this lady who "must've been created just for baby-making"! She said that this woman was asked repeatedly if she was experiencing contractions, to which she responded "No. I just keep feeling the baby move all around." When she last went in to get checked, the doctor exclaimed that she was already 6 cm dilated and needed to go to the hospital right then. When they hooked her up to the monitor, they asked her, "Did you feel that?" She said, "Yeah, I felt the baby moving". The nurses said, "No. THAT was a contraction!" I think she only pushed a couple of times and the baby was born in less than an hour of being admitted to the hospital. Now, I know that this experience is an unusual case, but, at this point, I haven't had painful contractions. What I've experienced is a feeling like the baby is curling up or pushing really hard in one area for awhile. It doesn't move across my tummy and it's not really painful. It's just kinda a tightening. But I can't really tell if it's just the way he's positioned or if it is actually a muscular contraction. And, when I asked my mom recently about her labor, she said that her contractions mostly felt like menstrual cramps, which she added can still be quite painful at times, but were very tolerable. This is the woman who said she was willing to go through labor again- that it wasn't so bad- immediately after I was born. So, I wonder (more wondering) if what I've experienced already is in any way related or means anything at all. I feel emotionally prepared for whatever comes along, though. For while I spend all of this time wondering, I feel that I'm relaxed and flexible enough to deal with whatever circumstances occur. My naive view on labor, at this point, is that 340,500 women give birth every day and "only" 1400 die during it (with 99% of those being in undeveloped countries). In short, thousands of people do it everyday and live to tell about it. And, from what I understand, most women do not experience any severe trauma by it. I've never known anyone to have PTSD or be in therapy because of their labor experience. And, most women describe forgetting about the pain immediately upon seeing their baby. I think I can make it through, especially qhen keeping in mind what's on the other side.

Well, since I DON'T know when and how labor will be, all I can do now is prepare for Josiah to arrive at any time. So, our house has been a flurry of activity to prepare. The nursery is now completely done (as far as everything that we currently own- it's just missing a few things which we hope to get soon). I've loaded up the carseat in the car along with a travel car organizer that holds baby items on the back of the seat. I've set aside things that need to be packed in the hospital bag. And since I just got the bag last night, I plan to start putting it together tonight. I've been trying to make regular trips to the store to buy last-minute things. I spent last Saturday getting all travel-size toiletries to pack away. I'm trying to make sure that as little as possible needs to be packed at the last minute. We'll simply need to grab the laptop and make sure we have our phones and camera and head on out. Everything else will be there already. In fact, I plan on keeping the hospital bag in the car so that it's always with us, even if we aren't at home. I've begun making a call list, so that we know who we should notify as soon as I experience any signs of labor, who to notify when the baby is coming soon, and who to notify once he arrives. I'm thinking I may delegate the calling list to my brother who won't want to be in the room during the delivery, but will want to be around and involved once the baby is born.

Anyways, I'll post pictures of my preparedness so far, and I'll try to take some of the carseat loaded up and of me at 9 months soon.

The only thing that makes all of this so difficult is the extreme heat we are experiencing. Oregon is not known for heat. I did grow up in Texas and have always handled the heat well, but Texas is also more equipped to handle regular heat (with air conditioners installed in every house and car, etc.). Oregon doesn't prepare well. So, because my house is a brand new house, we only have 2 baby trees in our front yard that provide no shade for us. The backyard doesn't exist yet, so there's no shade coming from there. And then, because of where we're located, and because of the design of our house, it tends to be 5-10 degrees HOTTER inside my house than outside! I've been fine most of the summer, but yesterday the temperature peaked at 104 degrees (with some people reporting as high as 106 or 110 in their parts of town). We finally got a portable air conditioner this last weekend, but with the extreme heat outside, it has still been 80-89 degrees inside my house. I just know it'd be 20 degrees hotter than that if I didn't have the AC. I try to take care of myself and make sure I stay hydrated and don't over-work. However, when I'm trying to get anything done, the heat definitely wears me out faster. Yesterday I was standing outside waiting for Jesse to pick me up from work. This lady walked by, looked me up and down, and just shook her head, smiling, saying, "Well that's just not very fair!" I laughed and just said that I try not to be out in it too much.

Aside from all of that, I think things are starting to fall into place for my in-home daycare. I'd been holding out for only clients that I knew personally, but, as time was crunching, decided to advertise to the general public. So I posted an ad on Craigslist offering childcare, and I posted another ad on our hospital's "swap shop" (which is very similar to Craigslist).

The only client I had already (most likely) set up was a co-worker of my mom's, Janeece. She is about 34 years old and due with her first baby a week after me, after going through infertility and a miscarriage. I've known her for about 9 years and she came to my baby shower last month. She plans on taking about 6 weeks of maternity leave, and then I'd start watching her baby John around the first of October. I know that she needs to work 34+ hours a week, but I do not know if her husband would ever pick the baby up early or what her schedule would look like. I'm supposed to talk to her in the upcoming days and hammer out some of the details.

In the meanwhile, I got an email from a girl on Craigslist (Amy) who said that it sounded like I live in the neighborhood where she is having her house built. She also wondered if I went to school in this area because she grew up in my area of town her whole life. To make a long story short, Amy IS having her house built in my neighborhood- probably a block or so from my house. She graduated high school the same year I did from my rival school. In fact, she graduated WITH my brother-in-law and several good friends of mine. She and her husband are really good friends with my neighbor across the street (who is about 4-5 months pregnant). And, to top it all off, she works for the same company I do, at my hospital's sister branch (the hospital I'm giving birth at), in the pharmacy where she is a pharmacy tech (just like my mom is a pharmacy tech). Every time we talk to each other, we seem to find another coincidence! Get this: I had never actually met my neighbor across the street. Our husbands had talked while doing yardwork, but I had never met either of them. Well, after talking with Amy everyday last week and discovering these crazy coincidences, I pulled into my driveway around midnight on Friday night at the exact same time that my neighbor (Sarah) across the street did. As we got out of our cars, we said hi to each other and then she goes on to say that she heard I was talking to Amy. So we chatted for a bit... first time I've ever met her. The very next day, I was at the store with my best friend Jolyn. We're walking around picking out things for me to pack in the hospital bag when we pass a group of people. Jolyn says hi to them, and then it dawns on her and she turns to me and says, "Mandy, this is Amy!" I was shocked and said hi and shook her hand, which is when she also realized who I was. So she turns to her mom and says, "Mom, this is Mandy who I was telling you about." Our introduction was very short considering we were both on separate missions, but I couldn't believe the encounter! I would've never known it was her without Jolyn there. I didn't know what she looked like. But Amy was friends with Jolyn's brother in high school and Jolyn graduated a few years later than her from the same school. I also found out yesterday that Amy was talking to her friend Alissa, and discovered that Alissa worked with me at my previous job. Alissa told her how nice I am and said that I don't have a mean bone in my body. I assured Amy that everything Alissa said is true :-) ! Everything seems perfect for me to begin watching Amy's baby, Carson. He'll be about 4 months old by the time I'd start watching him in mid-September. I'd only watch him 3 days a week for up to 5 hours at the most. It's not a lot, but I think that with the other kids, I should be able to pay all of my bills just fine, and it also gives me room to either add another client when Carson isn't there, or to watch him more hours if Amy decides to switch shifts.

After that, I got an email from a girl who works at my hospital in a different department (doing ultrasound work, I believe). She is due one week before me with a baby boy and has childcare set up for Mondays, but nothing else. She talked to one of my co-workers who brought up my company ad, and then she contacted me about it all. It sounds like I would watch her baby Tues-Fri with pretty set hours. I think it'd start at 8am every morning and either go until 4:30 or until her boyfriend picks up the baby (that part is unclear to me). It's not official that I will start watching her baby. As of now, I'm not even sure how much maternity leave she is taking or anything else, but she sounded optimistic. So, I think if our conversations continue to go well, it'll work out.

I know that 4 babies (3 newborns within a week of each other) is a lot to take on. But I actually feel like having all 4 the same age would be easier than having 4 kids of all various ages. Imagine chasing after a 5 year old who's running around with a ball and then takes a toy away from a 3 year old who then begins to cry, all while you're trying to feed a baby that you can't leave alone, and the 2 year old just peed their pants in the corner. I feel like having 4 babies around the same age means that I would simply feed them all, change them all, hold them all, and put them all to sleep when they needed it. I also feel like I have the patience and strength to stop and handle one crisis at a time when it comes to dealing with crying babies. If they are all upset, I can keep from stressing out and just try fixing their individual problems one-by-one. Furthermore, I probably won't have all 4 baby boys at the same time. For example, if it's a Monday, I may only have Josiah and John (or maybe even only Josiah at all) since I wouldn't be watching the other two on Mondays. I'm most likely to have all 4 on a Tue, Wed, or Thurs evening between 2 & 7pm, if all moms have to work on the same day. However, Jesse would come home by 3:30 and I could always have him take Josiah for me while I focus on the other three. And then one or two of those may go home by 5 anyways. So, it'll never be all 4 for very long. I even found out that if I have the schedule exactly as I'm imagining it, with these 4 kids alone, I can legally watch all of them without having to be certified (which would entail a lot of legal hoops to jump through and would keep me from watching these kids at all because of their ages). In fact, I can still add another kid in the mornings, opposite of Carson and still meet all of the requirements.

Finally, I got a call just a few hours ago from another woman whose sister works at the hospital with me. She is looking for daycare for her 10 month old and lives in my part of town. I have yet to talk to her and discuss any details, but it's a possibility depending on the hours or if one of these previous people falls through. I'm not totally sure about taking on a 10 month old with all of the babies, but it's not out of the question if it's at the right times. It's worth discussing the possibility with her.

So, I'm feeling much better about quitting my job and staying home with Josiah, still be able to pay bills too. We've been praying a lot for God to open up the doors for everything, and it's starting to all fall into place at once. I still need to come to a more concrete decision with some of the moms before I can officially quit my job, but it's looking more and more hopeful!

And, lastly, I found out this week that a good friend of mine, Meagan, is pregnant after nearly 2 years of trying, something like 7 failed rounds of Clomid, and her first successful IUI. Meagan and I met when I had my first round of Clomid. We were on the exact same days of our cycle and quickly became "Cycle Buddies". I got pregnant right away, and even though it was difficult for Meagan, she remained a loyal friend and was genuinely excited about my pregnancy. I've been praying for her for the last 9 months and I'm SO excited that she just discovered she is pregnant. Her HCG numbers are coming back great, and I'm looking forward to sharing this pregnancy with her! Congrats, Meagan!!!