Get comfy... it's time for an update

It's been so long since I've written, I'm not even sure where to begin. At first, it was the difficulty in blogging with an infant that kept me from posting. While I had stuff I wanted to share, trying to write an extensive post with only one hand didn't seem worth it. Micah's gotten more independent with each passing month so I have more hands free, but I still find myself constantly busy. That's life, isn't?! If Micah doesn't want my attention, Josiah usually does. If neither of them does, then I'm trying to do my own thing.

My most recent "own thing" is a party I'm throwing. I ran across this idea online, inspired by Oprah's Favorite Things show where she gives away all of her favorite seasonal items to each guest. Now, I'm not a bajillionairre by any means, just like most of you. So the idea is that instead of the host giving away a bunch of items, each guest bring their favorite things and we all exchange, allowing each person to go home with something new. Most people do a price limit too, so that no one feels put out. And the amount of things you bring and the price depend on how big of a party you are hosting. I'm having about 36 people and asked each person to bring 3 items with no price limit. I wanted to allow people to bring whatever they were comfortable with, without feeling obligated to spend a certain amount. For some, this may be $3 and for some, it may be $30. My other thought was that this party needed almost no decoration- you just open your home or find a venue, maybe have some tablecloths and a banner, and everyone brings their own stuff. Everyone is also even bringing their own food. I asked my guests to bring their favorite appetizer. Other parties do desserts or finger foods. BUT... as more and more people began to RSVP to my party and especially considering that 60% have never attended a party I've thrown before, I felt obliged to make it something more spectacular. I'm doing chevron prints and rainbow colors with elements of chalkboard and pinwheels everywhere. Confused? Once you see the pictures, it'll for sure make sense. The party is tomorrow and I'm VERY excited!!!

At the beginning of the party planning, I also decided to start trying to make my craft and party business more professional. I created a new blog just for that stuff. I spent a lot of time designing it, going back into my archives and pulling out old party and craft pictures to post, watermarking all of my images, and trying to network with other craft/party bloggers. It is so time consuming and there's so much more I need to do! First off, I kinda want to redo the design. I feel like branding is such a HUGE part of a business, and I'm struggling to find what brand I want to identify me. I've considered paying someone to do it professionally. I'm just not sure if I can afford it, but then I feel it affects so much else. Secondly, I've gotten a lot of traffic from Pinterest, but I have no followers yet. I probably need to link to more crafty link parties and hope to get more followers. Perhaps I can also get other crafty bloggers to follow me too by networking with them. I want to host my own link parties and have guest bloggers and do the same for others. It's a lot of work, though! So, when I was able to blog, I was mostly doing it there... and by "there", I mean http://sonny-sideup.blogspot.com. Please check it out, give me your honest feedback, and follow me there too!

I also stay very busy with MOPS. We have 1 more month of normal meetings and then will just have play dates throughout the summer. Out of the 8 steering (leadership) team members, 4 have decided to not continue on staff next year. I'm sad to not continue with the friends I've come to love, but I'm excited to see what God has in store for next year. I ALMOST took on the group coordinator position, but after lots of prayer and some long talks with the other girl who was interested in becoming coordinator, I felt that God wanted me to stay with crafts and for her to take the job instead. I've been very blessed with the friendships I've made and the way God has used me in the group.

When it comes to the other areas of my life, I'm just as busy!
Let me start with my kiddos...

Micah will be 6 months old on May 2nd. He is SO BIG! and absolutely the sweetest baby ever!

 

He is so close to crawling (at least a month and half earlier than Josiah did!) and is all over the place. If you put him on the floor, he can scoot, wiggle, and push his way all over the room. He can sit up, kinda, but he is so eager to grab things that he quickly falls over. Micah is absolutely one of the most smiley babies I've ever known. When I began taking him to the church nursery at 4 months old, I was quickly told by the workers that Micah has the sweetest disposition. He is so calm and relaxed and just grins from ear to ear at everyone. The only difficulty I have in caring for him is that he's not the only one I care for. It's the constant need of attention from 2 kids that wears me out, but each one individually is such a source of joy and pride!

Josiah amazes me everyday. His birthday is quickly approaching in 4 short months! I'll need to start planning by the first of June!!! 

 

He learns new words everyday. His lack of speech still concerns me a little, as well as the way he pronounces some things. It's hard to know what to compare him to because some 2 years olds speak as clearly as 5 year olds, and some speak less than 1 year olds... and both are within normal range. At his 2 year checkup, they expressed a little concern, but said we'll wait and see how it improves. He doesn't go back until 3 year checkup, so I guess we'll find out then if he should have some speech therapy. He's great at identifying things, but he's not very conversational. So, it's hard to ask him what's wrong or what he needs or to explain why he has to wait or listen to me. But if I'm reading a book with him, he can name almost everything on the page. He's wild and crazy and keeps me running always! It's a handful to hold Micah and keep Josiah from running away any time we leave the house, including the driveway, dr's appointments, church, MOPS, and anywhere else. I try to plan things when Jesse can help or do whatever I can to contain both boys at the same time. What am I going to do when Micah outgrows his infant carseat? EEK! We deal with major meltdowns multiple times a day, as is normal with 2 year olds. Most have to do with being told "no" or "hold on" or having to leave something he doesn't want to. And while it wears me thin sometimes, he is also SO sweet and loving. He loves crawling into my lap and snuggling with me. He gives me kisses and says "sweet momma!". I adore him!

As far as Jesse is concerned, life's a roller coaster as always. I really struggle with how much to write about him, which is why I stay silent most of the time. How I feel about him, happy or sad, changes from day to day. So, if I post right after a big argument, you'd get a completely different picture than if I posted after we spent a day having fun together. Looking at it as objectively as possible, though, I'd say that a roller coaster is a pretty accurate description of our relationship. We went through a terrible break up between dating and getting married. It lasted for a year and half and was the hardest thing I've ever faced. Jesse was terrible during that time. He was mean to me and made me cry. He pushed me away and I didn't like him. But I really felt that God told me he was the one I was supposed to marry. I questioned God about it because I didn't like Jesse at that point, but still felt it was true. When we got back together and quickly got engaged and married, I saw the Jesse I had fallen in love with return. I assumed that the Jesse from our break up was not the real Jesse, and instead the sweet guy who put me above all else and sought to make me happy was the real Jesse. I was then hurt and shocked when years into our marriage I saw that ugly side of him again. I felt betrayed, like he had changed and was no longer the guy I vowed to love. But I recently realized that both sides are completely Jesse and completely real. And the one that I see can change from month to month, which is extremely difficult for me to deal with, but is reality...

I also used to believe that marriage was a representation of the church's relationship with God. It was intended to be one of passion and joy. One where the bride submitted her will to her husband's in complete respect for him. One where the groom sacrificed his desire and needs for that of his wife in order to lift her up and make her be the best she could possibly be. People gave me terrible advice when I was engaged, swearing that someday I'd get tired of seeing that same face next to me and be bored with him. I thought that marriage didn't have to be like that. I believed that if it were truly a representation of God's relationship with us, then it should always be passionate and exciting. And, while I still believe that's true, I believe there's a difference between what our relationship with God OUGHT to be and what it REALLY is. It ought to be passionate and never-ending and full of self-sacrificial love and respect. But if you look at the church, it's really full of many who are complacent or judgmental or are only looking out for themselves. I was even thinking of how marriage was in the Bible. Adam and Eve could have seen each other as true soul-mates, hand designed by God, literally each other's half. But when faced with trouble, they pointed the fingers at each other and said it wasn't their own fault. I thought of many examples in the Bible where there were multiple wives and concubines, and while this was normal of the culture, the truth is that the Bible doesn't give us very clear examples of marriages we should emulate. And then I thought of Hosea and Gomer. Hosea was a prophet of God, a man whose life was devoted to speaking the message God gave him, and yet God told him to marry a prostitute. When Gomer, the prostitute, ran away to be with other men, God instructed Hosea to BUY her back! It was his wife who left him, but he paid a price for her and brought her back to him. No matter how much she betrayed him and slept around with other men or walked away from their marriage, God told Hosea to be steadfast in his commitment. This was because God was showing Israel a picture of His relationship with them. In reality, the relationship with God and His chosen people wasn't love and butterflies and roses and date nights, it was adultery and apathy and, I'm sure, a lot of heartache. Yet, it was a picture of a God who never walks away- who is still there with open arms, even though He grieves the unfaithfulness of His "bride". 

When I look back at those many months that I prayed for Jesse, I don't believe I heard God wrong about Jesse being the one I was meant to marry. But maybe my understanding of God's purpose in our marriage wasn't totally correct. Our relationship is not nearly as extreme as infidelity and prostitution, but there are hurts and past addictions and stress and walls. Maybe God's purpose in our marriage is not so much a picture of God's perfect relationship with us, but of His imperfect relationship with us. I don't presume to be God, or even necessarily Hosea, in this scenario. I just mean that sometimes God purposes for things to be great so that His glory can shine through it, and sometime He purposes for things to be hard for His grace to shine through it. One can be used to bless us and the other to teach us, and sometimes both at the same time. I think we could really benefit from counseling, although I'm not sure how to make it financially possible. I also hope that someday we will be that sweet old married couple that talks about how they fell in love with each other even more as the years passed- the ones who can look back at the hard days earlier in their marriage and know they made it through better in the end. But, for right now, I feel like I have to just take each day and each situation and each argument to God, asking what I need to do in response. It feels often like being beaten down repeatedly and having to just suck it up and keep fighting. And it often feels like a losing battle, continuing to fight only to face the inevitable loss. A lot of times, I don't want to fight anymore. It seems easier to walk away (especially if this is what my future continues to hold), but I have to keep trying...And maybe it's one of those underdog fights where the person who looks like they're losing gets the knockout in the final minutes and becomes champion after all. I hope so! And if not, if it's what God still purposed for me, I have to believe there's good in the difficulty. 

But I hope for victory because, despite all of this, I do love Jesse. And I do believe he's a great guy. His good side is SO VERY GOOD! There's a side of Jesse that's an excellent dad and a loving, devoted husband. He's fun and I believe that his strengths complement my weaknesses. In that way, he makes me a better person and we work so well together. I believe God is good no matter what. Being in a difficult relationship is just that- DIFFICULT! But I know God is using it for my good. I pray it's for Jesse's good and for our kids' good as well. And my heart's desire is that it won't always be difficult, but no matter what, I will praise Him.

Daniel 3:16-18

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

Job 13:15

Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;

You know you were wondering...

I wanted to do a little bit more of an update on the most recent ongoings of my family. Since my last post, Jesse's schooling got mostly worked out. It turns out that LCC reported that Jesse was offered financial aid for Fall, Winter, and Spring, but Jesse only accepted and received financial aid for Fall. So when Linfield went to award Jesse financial aid, he was maxed out. All he has to do is get LCC to sign a form saying Jesse didn't receive all of that money, and he'll get more from Linfield like he's supposed to. He's submitted the paperwork now. So, he just has to wait for LCC to submit it to Linfield. In the meanwhile, he's begun classes online this week. I think he's feeling a bit overwhelmed with the amount of reading and time for assignments, but I'm trying to encourage him to not give up. I know he can do it!

As far as the jobs, I'm going to still apply to each and just see what happens. I figure that if I even get offered the job, let alone an interview to begin with, I can always turn down the job if it doesn't work with our needs (like part time hours that change every week and are all over the place, making childcare or transportation impossible). However, if the job can help us, why not try to get it? Jesse started feeling a lot of anxiety about me being gone working while he's trying to balance his job, his school, his working out, and his time with the kids and with me. He was worried about how he could even do school or go to the gym if he was alone with two small boys. He could find a babysitter for working out, but it'd be twice a week during the weekdays, every single week! So, like I said, I figured it was worth trying for, but if nothing works out, then we're okay and I believe God will continue to provide for us in other ways.

Getting healthy is working!!! Jesse and David have both lost 20 lbs! I can see a huge difference in both. Their pants are just falling off of them! And, in Jesse, his love handles don't hang out, his face is thinner, his butt is tighter. He is just looking sexier by the week! He reminds me a lot of how he looked when we first started dating. He was only 18 then!

  

(Pre-marriage, skinnier)

  

(Post-marriage, heavier)

As for me, I lost 6 lbs my first week on WW. I also lost:
Bust: 1 3/4"
Rib-Cage: 1 1/2"
Belly: 1/2"
Hips: 1/4"
Arms: 1/4"
(none in my thighs)

That was last Sunday. Since then, I noticed that my boobs looked smaller in my clothes, so I measured my bust and belly again. I've lost another 3/4" in my bust in the last 4 days plus another 1/2" in my waist! So my boobs are shrinking at an alarming rate, but I'm still considering it all progress in the right direction :-) Furthermore, I'm down at least another 2 lbs, but I don't officially weigh in until Sunday again. I'm so close to my 1st goal of losing 10 lbs! I also made some motivational jars where you fill one with marbles to represent every pound you want to lose. Then, each week, you remove the appropriate marbles from the one jar and transfer them to the other to represent what you have lost that week. You can have different colored marbles represent milestones, or even use items like a ticket stub to represent an award you are going to treat yourself to at that particular goal. My jar has 70 marbles in it and 6 have already been moved!

As an update to previous posts about my marriage, I am pleased to tell you that we are doing awesome! We haven't been fighting at all. Any disagreements are handled right away and worked out in a short amount of time. I'm also working very hard on showing him love and affection on a regular basis, including just sneaking kisses in the kitchen, grabbing his butt when he walks by, initiating sex more often, telling him I love him, holding his hand in the car, telling him how great he looks, telling him how much I appreciate what he does for me, doing things like cleaning the house for him before he comes home. I would say that we are doing as good as we ever have in our marriage. Even though our schedules are hectic and things get stressful, we're working together on it and trying to be sensitive to each other.

Josiah... oh man! I need to do a whole post on Josiah alone! He doesn't get enough time in the spotlight lately. He is the light of my world! Josiah is 2 and 1/2 now, as of this week! He talks so much and blows me away with all of the words he'll say just out of the blue! We were looking through a book and he pointed and said "castle", "path", and "mountain". Words that I never specifically taught him, but he learned anyway! He's really into books right now, after going in and out of phases with them. He wants to point at everything on the page. "Door! Hair! Tree! Apple! Dog! Elephant! House!..." That's more the way he talks anyway. He doesn't respond so well to questions and isn't so conversational. But he knows TONS of words and can point at stuff everywhere we go and identify it. He's so curious about everything! Walking outside is an adventure everyday. He wants to run to the tree and jump in the puddle and look in the water drain where the sidewalk is. His other favorite activity right now is coloring. That boy could spend all day scribbling on a piece of paper. And he's even learning to draw circles or he'll tell us that he drew a cat. Overall, I'd say he's not too bad with the Terrible Two's. It could be a million times worse! But he does fall to the floor and collapse in a fit when he's told no about something he wanted. It's a fight to get him to not take toys to the grocery store or marbles to bed (afraid he could choke!). And, when he does get angry, he takes out his aggression by hitting whatever is closest to him- the wall, the chair, the swing, the toy. I kinda see it as his only way to express his emotion, but Jesse thinks it's wrong and will punish him immediately with time-outs. He actually does great in time-out. He'll sit himself down and get up when we tell him to. He comes to us and we explain what he did wrong and give him a hug. He doesn't respond as well to getting something taken away or receiving a spanking. The first makes him more irate and then 2nd doesn't phase him at all. He's such a big boy! He's somewhere around 37.5" and 37-38 lbs. It's a fight to get him to stand on the scale at the dr's office, though. He's terrified because he remembers the shots and having his ears examined and being restrained because he's fighting so much. He's wearing 3T clothes and size 8 shoes. He also is in size 6 diapers, but I'm hoping to have him potty trained by summer. He shows some signs of readiness, but not very many, and, frankly, the time to train him seems impossible when also caring for a (nearly) 4 month old baby! Summer seems perfect, though, when Micah is 7+ months old and Jaydon & Zoe are home for the summer- when I can have more time to devote to training him without struggling to just get enough sleep or always on the go.

I'll save my update for Micah for next week when I do his 4 month post.

I also have some new MOPS crafts to post! 

Oh! I also have FINALLY started working on my curriculum in order to get my certification as a Wedding and Event Planner! I'm about 1/3 of the way through the first unit. I'm hoping to devote at least 3 hours a week to studying, and hopefully I'll be done by the end of the summer. I'd love to make more of a career out of party planning, but I'm fearful about it. I'm worried that my friends can't afford to pay me to do their parties professionally, and that someone who would pay a professional wouldn't choose me. I have a close friend who is doing the exact same schooling, but I feel like she has a HUGE leg-up on me! She was able to intern for a wedding planner last year while in college. I contacted the business where she did her internship, but they wouldn't let me intern as well because I'm not in college anymore. She also has a pretty successful blog where she posts about wedding ideas and spotlights local wedding ceremonies. I feel like she's already made so many contacts and just yesterday went to a wedding show where she met tons of people in person. Furthermore, being married but not having any kids, I feel like she has way more time than I do to actually study. I'm a whole year behind because of having babies and caring for them! She has a heart more for weddings while I have a passion more for parties, but I know that the money is either in corporate events (which I don't feel as strongly about) or in weddings. So, I'm trying to educate myself in both, but I fear that she's going to be more successful than me, and while I'm so proud of everything she's doing, I feel inadequate in comparison. I even have two family members that are getting married soon, and neither approached me to even help them, and I have two friends that will likely be engaged soon, and if they chose a planner, I believe they'd choose the other girl over me. But, I know that I just need to seek God in His direction for my life, apart from what He does in my friend's life. He may want me to do parties more and give me the opportunities to do such events. And if wedding are where he wants to take me, He'll give me success in that field as well. And I'm excited to see what He has in store for me.

Four P's Friday- An Introduction

This is a new thing. I've posted once before about this, but not as one of my new weekly topics. I decided that I really wanted to do this each week so I moved "Foto Fun Friday" to "Snapshot Saturday" and added this in as "Four P's Friday". To recap, it is described as:

1. Peaks- The highlights of the day/week. The good moments. Something overall positive that happened during the day/week.
2. Pits- The low point of the day/week. But, rather than just complaining about it, a way that looking back at it can be positive or a blessing in disguise.
3. Praises- Simply praising God for specific things that happened
4. Prayers- Prayer requests that may have arose from the new day/week or that have been lingering.

So, for this week:

Peaks: Feeling like everyday God is answering our prayers and my house is being restored to a place of happiness and love.
Pits: There are still some things that Jesse is struggling with, especially feeling overwhelmed with this stage of life having a newborn baby. I also got an email back from the church and their option for marriage counseling was really just to take a class for couples, following a curriculum where you do homework together but don't discuss it with the group. Not exactly what I had in mind. But I think that there's still hope for both of these issues and we're heading in the right direction.
Praises: I thank you, Lord, for answering our prayers. I thank you for the wise counsel of others, even when it's not what I wanted to hear. And I thank you for working through my obedience and sacrifice as I try to honor you in my marriage and show my husband the love and respect he needs. 
Prayers: Please continue to teach me how to be the wife I need to be for Jesse and the heart of this house for my family. Prompt me to be sensitive to Jesse's needs and to "be the bigger person" even when it hurts. I also pray that you give us direction as far as the counseling goes, giving us clarity about taking the class or if we should pursue traditional counseling. Thank you for all that you are doing in my marriage and in my house. Thank you for providing for our needs and caring about the things we care about too.

Wordy Wednesday- Dr. Pepper and Prayers

After my previous post about weariness, things didn't necessarily get better. I suppose it rarely happens like that. I continued to pray and seek God, but by Friday morning, I was still falling apart. I called my mom in tears. I was so angry at Jesse, more than anything. I mean, we were still broke and our dryer was still broken. The kids were still sick, his car was still broken down, and his school was still a mess. Nothing had really changed from before. However, all of the other stuff can be coped with more easily when you have the help of your spouse. But when your other half tells you that you're annoying, that you over-react to everything and are irrational, that you don't do anything and he does everything, and is unwilling to help when you ask for it, it makes you feel completely alone in everything else that you're facing.

In the midst of my phone call to my mom, my brother also called. So, when I was done with our conversation, I called my brother back. Both of them "lectured" me. I say "lecture" because it wasn't what I wanted to hear. They both encouraged lectured me to be the bigger person. David told me that Jesse was moping around the shop at work all day (they work together in case you didn't know) and that even though Jesse hadn't talked to him, he was sure that Jesse must be feeling down about things. David told me, specifically, to be encouraging and supportive of Jesse even if he was rude to me, and that Jesse was likely acting out because he wasn't happy with his own self. He said I should be the bigger person no matter what Jesse did. And he dared to suggest (I say in shock) that I may sometimes be irrational or over-react, and to at least consider if there was truth to that or how I could be better. NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR! My mom, in addition to saying I needed to be the bigger person, advised lectured me to find some time with God and to even call one of my MOPS friends and ask them to pray with me. I knew they were both right. But let me tell you that being the bigger person is not fun. It sucks. And when your heart is hurting, it's not an easy choice to make. And as much as I love my new MOPS friends and knew they'd support and love on me, I didn't feel like I had enough of a friendship foundation to completely lay out my drama before them. I'd never even talked to any of them on the phone. So, to call and ask for prayer in between sobs was a little more vulnerable than I was ready to be with them.

A few hours later, though, I drove to pick up Jesse from work and along the way bought a soda for each of us and a juice for Josiah. We had barely been talking to each other as of that morning, but Jesse noticed the soda right away and thanked me for getting it for him. It helped to ease the tension and slowly things started getting a little better. Saturday, Jesse seemed overwhelmed by the messy house and the kids' need for attention. I could tell he needed some time to himself. So I arranged for the kids and me to go to my mom's house for awhile. I didn't leave angrily, like before, I did it as a gesture of love for him, even though he was being fairly difficult. That evening, I dropped the kids back off at home and headed out to my MOPS group's Moms Night Out. We were meeting to go bowling and then have ice cream. I was super excited about this girls night. I had been all month, but during this trying time, I was thrilled to have something fun to look forward to.

I arrived at the bowling alley early and, little by little, other moms started showing up. It turns out, though, that despite calling two weeks ago to reserve our lanes, there was no record of our reservation nor a lane available to use right away. We were reassured that they would take care of it soon, but we had a little time to kill. One of the moms came up to me, having seen some of my recent posts on facebook about the trouble with Jesse's school and about my stress level, and asked me how I was doing. I teared up just recounting all of the drama of the recent weeks to her. And the more I talked, the more emotional I became. She had sympathy all over her face and put her arms around me in comfort. I told her how my mom said I should've called one of them to pray with me. She agreed that I should've, but said there was no wonder why our reservation was lost. She knew that God knew we needed this time and said that they should pray over me right then and there. So, the 6 or so of us that were there went outside for some privacy and they gathered around me to pray. They held my hands and put their arms around me and prayed as I just cried and cried. I can't even adequately express how much I needed that time and how appreciative I am of these ladies. We had a great time bowling. I won't say how terrible my score was, but it didn't matter. We had fun anyway.

And then we went across the street to Cold Stone Creamery for some ice cream where we chatted for the next 2 hours. It wasn't long enough. I could've hung out there all night long!

After a progressively better and better weekend, Jesse and I were talking about everything Monday afternoon. He was talking to me about this cycle that he gets stuck in and how irritated he then gets with things around him- an attribute that he doesn't like about himself. He finds himself annoyed with the kids and with me, and after further conversation tonight, I think that Jesse is feeling very overwhelmed, himself, with all of our lives' stresses. He even made a comment about feeling like the universe is against him- that people and businesses we are relying on don't call us back when they are supposed to and companies mess up our services through them. And then the house is messy and we can't afford things we need and the baby is crying and he begins to feel down and out. It's not all that different from how I was feeling. He was just lashing out at me in response to his stress. But, as we were talking, he said that Friday afternoon at work, he was just sulking and feeling like our marriage was falling apart. At that point, though, he wasn't caring too much. I know that David had a similar talk with Jesse as he did with me, but Jesse's response was that he didn't care how I felt and that although he wasn't planning on a divorce, he also just didn't care about me and my feelings. Now, I don't really think we were that close to divorce, and divorce is not something either of us ever plan on facing. But, when you get angry and resentment builds up, you find yourself not caring anymore. And then divorce doesn't seem that bad of an option. HOWEVER, when he got in the car that afternoon and saw the soda that I bought for him, it was a small gesture to just say that I still cared... I cared even though he didn't. And it was convicting for him. Being the bigger person went against everything I wanted to do, but God worked through it to mend wounds in our marriage- through a 20 oz bottle of Dr. Pepper... I can just see how different things would've been had I not gotten the soda and instead remained angry at Jesse. There would have been more bickering and more tension and things probably would've gotten progressively worse rather than better. If he was already thinking our marriage was falling apart, how much more would it have been solidified through further arguing? 

Now, I know that a Dr. Pepper, some kind words, a few laughs and some kisses and hugs don't fix years of addiction and resentment and self-destructive cycles. But God is working in the midst of it. Much of the rest of our conversation was about seeking some Christian counseling in order to cope with the feelings that Jesse, especially, has been facing. This really is a regular cycle of being a fantastic, loving husband and wonderful father, working his butt off to put us first and provide for us, and then getting overwhelmed or frustrated and giving up. In the midst of giving up, he stops caring how I feel, lashes out at me and is rude. He gets angry with the kids and doesn't want to "deal" with them. He retreats to his computer and doesn't want to be bothered. This is often when he struggles the most with his tobacco addiction, no longer desiring to quit but deciding to do whatever he feels like doing regardless of how it affects the rest of us. I have been through this cycle so many times that I struggle with trusting him. I have resentment towards him for the things that have been said and done when he doesn't care. I have hurts and scars from the constant roller coaster of repeating this cycle over and over again. We do go on and live normal, relatively happy lives in between these cycles. But the constant process really eats away at the foundation of our relationship. And I do think it's important to address these issues that have long been laying beneath the surface. I've emailed the church and am waiting to hear back on the possibility of beginning counseling through them.

I think we're headed in the right direction. I think the forgiveness in our marriage and the encouragement and love are helping us to work through things together better. We will be getting a new washer and dryer through a generous donation. We're junking Jesse's car and hoping to get some extra cash out of that. And, in the meanwhile, at least our new 7-seater car that we bought in October is working well and holds all of us. Jesse is applying for school online at Linfield College, and I think it's a good move for his education and career. The kids are getting better with fewer snotty noses each day. There's always going to be problems that we face, but at least the present ones are finding some resolution.

And the marked improvement this week may have begun with a bottle of soda, but I truly believe that God has been working in our prayers. In fact, I take that back. It didn't begin with the soda. People were praying long before the soda was ever purchased. It began with the prayers- the prayers of my mom and my brother, the prayers of my MOPS group, the prayers of my friends online, and the prayers I uttered in the midst of my sighs and tears. I'm not done praying yet either. Lord knows we still need it! I need it on a daily basis to persevere past my frustrations and tiredness and towards doing what is right regardless. I need it because there will always been something broken, less money than I want, or a "crisis" of some sort. I need it to act in love when I don't feel loved first or in return. I need it to teach my kids to seek God in all that they do because, even though they are little now, they will learn from my example. Thank you to those who have been praying for me. I appreciate every one. And, I'd love to pray for you too if you need it. Just leave a comment or email me with your request. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

Wordy Wednesday & Thirsty Thursday- An Introduction

Why do I even assign things to days of the week when I'm rarely successful at posting it on time? You know why? Just because the names are catchy! That's why!!! I roll my eyes at myself... and then I write this on Saturday and publish it anyways. LOL :-)

Forget "Wordless Wednesday"! I've got too much to say!!! So, I want to use Wednesdays to share whatever is going on in my life or whatever I have on my mind. On Thursdays, I want the posts to have a spiritual emphasis. This means, sharing something I'm studying in my devotional (I'm reading "Jesus Calling") or something I heard in church or something that God is teaching me in the midst of my everyday circumstances. 

Since I'm behind on posting these days, I want to combine them to share about something that's going on and how we're seeking God in the midst of it. So, my post today is regarding a problem with Jesse going to school. 

The past week has gone better than "expected" as far as the stress level and how we're each coping with the physical and mental demands we have on us. He's been gone 15 hours a day, but I've been trying to make sure that he comes home to a clean and happy house. He's been trying to make sure that he comes home with a helpful and supportive attitude and make time for me and the kids. Overall, I think things have been better than they were before.

But to back up a bit, in the previous years that Jesse has attended school, he hasn't always been consistent with his classes. He's dropped classes mid-term and given up on school only to decide to go back later. A lot of this was in the midst of having Josiah, as well as struggling financially to pay our mortgage and beginning the short sale process. It was just too hard to focus and be successful in school when every other part of his life seemed so chaotic. So, when Jesse began the fall term of school this year, he was on financial aid suspension for dropping too many classes. In order to appeal this and be approved for financial aid, he submitted a letter detailing his reasons for dropping the classes before and his plan to do better now and was instructed to take a "getting back on track" course. He took the class fall term, received his financial aid, and ended the term with 2 A's and a B, all in the midst working full time and balancing a family with a very pregnant wife and subsequent newborn baby. Class ended in December and we were very proud of the work Jesse had done and his good grades. But then, just as we were about to go shopping, days before Christmas, we checked our mail and found a letter saying that Jesse was again put on financial aid suspension. We didn't understand what he had possibly done wrong and were certain that it must've been an error. But at this point, no one was on campus in the offices due to the holiday break. So we would have to wait until December 28th to even be able to talk to anyone about it.

That evening when we got home, Jesse pulled up his online school account and discovered the problem. The policy of the school is that you must pass 67% of your classes with a 2.0 or higher. His GPA was a 3.6 or something like that, and he had passed all of the classes this term, but when he looked at the classes for all of the years he had been enrolled in college, he found that he had attempted a certain number and passed a certain number, leaving him with a 65% pass rate. Only 2% shy. And because it was based on all of the classes he had ever taken, it really didn't matter what he did that term because no matter how good of grades he received, he wasn't taking enough classes to get him up to the 67%. We figured out that he only needed one more 2 credit class to have met the 67% rate, but no one ever told him this and now it was too late. We knew that it was possible to appeal the suspension again, just as we had last term, and Jesse even found online a place where it said that he would likely be approved due to the circumstances- having passed all of the classes he had taken that term despite not meeting the 67%. So, Jesse submitted his appeal immediately and we just had to wait for staff to be back at work after the holidays. 

On January 9th, Monday of this week, Jesse's appeal had not yet been approved, but he felt confident that everything would go through and he needed to begin his classes despite not having heard back yet. So he bought his books and adjusted his schedule and started classes and homework. This was a new challenge for us, as I mentioned in previous posts, because of him working about 34 hours a week (only less than 40 because of the time he was missing work to attend class in the middle of the morning), attending class in the evenings, and trying to balance homework and family time. But he's been working very hard, as have I, and we've been successfully surviving this past week. Yet, as of Thursday, Jesse had still not yet had his appeal approved. So, he went to the financial aid office and was told that if he hadn't heard back yet, he probably was not going to be approved. The word "probably" made the whole situation really confusing and disappointing. Being denied seemed so unfair after everything Jesse had done, and yet there was still a possibility that he may not be denied...? And the timing of it added to the frustration. This was Thursday, and Jesse needed to drop his classes by Sunday if he wasn't going to receive financial aid, or we would have to pay the $1300 for the term out of pocket. And we were told that since appeals wouldn't be processed on Saturday or Sunday, then if he hadn't heard by Friday, he definitely wasn't getting accepted.

When Friday afternoon rolled around and Jesse still hadn't heard, he called the school and was told that appeals had already been processed. So even though he hadn't officially been told that he had been denied, it was implied so. This left us with the decision to pay out of pocket or drop out of school completely. We spent a lot of time praying about it and asking God for direction, and in the end, we felt like dropping the classes was the better of the two options. We weren't sure that we'd be able to pay for the term anyway, and since Jesse wasn't totally sure what career he was going for, it seemed unnecessary to fight so hard to stay. Either way, though, it meant NOT receiving the refund check we were expecting- a refund that exceeds our normal month's income and that we needed to replace Jesse's car that broke down as well as pay for a new washer and dryer that we badly need. And, without the check, our finances are pretty tight this month, leaving $7 remaining after paying all of our bills and buying minimal groceries and gas.

We're believing that God is in control, though, and telling Him that we trust Him even when there's a lot of fear. And in the midst of it, He's giving us peace and strengthening our relationship with each other. As I mentioned at the beginning, I am reading the devotional "Jesus Calling". I'll leave you with the daily reading for January 4th, something I've been reminded of daily since then and something I'm working on applying to each situation we face:

I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying, "I trust You, Jesus" in response to whatever happens to you. If there is time, think about who I AM in all My Power and Glory; ponder also the depth and breadth of My Love for you.

This simple practice will help you see Me in every situation, acknowledging My sovereign control over the universe. When you view events from this perspective- through the Light of My universal Presence- fear loses its grips on you. Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in Me no matter what. You receive blessings gratefully, realizing they flow directly from My hand of grace. Your continual assertion of trusting Me will strengthen our relationship and keep you close to Me. 

Updated Expectations

Since I last posted about everything that was going on between Jesse and me, things have vastly improved and are pretty much back to normal. I spent those following days really angry at him. Coming from someone who never cusses, my mind would be filled with angry and profane things I wanted to yell at him. Coming from someone who is not violent at all, I wanted to hit him- I suppose wanting to inflict pain on him since he hurt me (only emotionally, though). I knew this was not a Godly way to feel, though- I'm just being honest- so I kept surrendering all of those feelings and thoughts to God every time they arose. I tried to talk civilly to him and carry on like life was normal, but just below the surface, I was boiling with anger. So, if he he did anything that rubbed me the wrong way, all of those negative emotions came up with great intensity. And, again, I'd have to take it to God. After a few days, with a lot of prayer, devotional time, and careful consideration, I realized that I couldn't just stay mad at him forever. Either I had to let go of my anger NO MATTER WHAT HE DID, or the animosity between us was going to tear us apart. And, considering that as angry as I was, I still in no way was seeking a divorce, I realized that it had to be the first option. So, I finally told Jesse that I didn't want to be angry anymore and wanted things to be better between us. I even told him about my word for the year "expectations" and my prayers for him, and the things that God was teaching me through it all. I told him that I struggled to not be angry since he didn't seem apologetic, and that I didn't know how it was possible to not have expectations of him, but that I was trying to surrender it all to God instead and allow Him to teach me through it. He seemed to appreciate it all and respect it.

In the days after that, we have slowly been able to work back to normal. We've held hands again and kissed again and said "I love you" again. We've laughed together and had intimate time together and worked together to accomplish the tasks necessary for our house to function. When something is said that starts to stir up an argument, I've been saying, "Do you really want to start a fight?" And often Jesse says that that's not what he meant by it and clarify it, allowing us to avoid an argument and communicate a little better. We've both agreed that we enjoy kissing and making up much more than fighting and being distant.

In the meanwhile, I've learned that Jesse is trying to stop smoking/chewing again and going back to chewing the Nicorette gum. However, he is hesitant to tell me that he's officially quitting because he doesn't want to let me down again. And I told him that I wasn't going to have any expectations about it. I had to be okay with him smoking the rest of our lives if that's what it meant. As much as I hate it, I can't imagine choosing divorce because he decided to be a smoker. So, I just have to take it to God instead. I'm praying that he is able to overcome it, but I'm resigning to the fact that God is in control regardless.

I think things are about to get hard again, though, and we're going to be really tested in the upcoming weeks. Jesse starts school on Monday and his schedule will be absolutely insane. He will be going to work everyday at 6:30am and getting off at 3pm. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he will leave work around 8:30am and go to school to attend a class before coming back to work at 10:30am. And Monday through Thursday, he will also go back to school after work from 6 or 7pm to 8 or 9pm. Most of these days, he will likely go straight to school after work to study, complete homework, and get an early start to his class. This means that he will be gone about 15 hours a day, 4 days a week, and 8 hours the 5th day! While he has Friday nights and weekends off, I can't imagine that he'll really be "free". I'm sure he's going to need more time to complete homework or study on those nights too. And even though I will be home alone with both kids the entire time he's gone, I can't just throw my hands up in the air and say, "They're all yours!" as soon as he walks in the door. I have to be mindful of how hard he's working and that he needs free-time as well. I'm scared that we're both going to be pushed to the max and I've seen how hard this has been on our marriage in the past. We know that we're both going to need to put God first, and to communicate with each other often, and to be mindful of each other's needs. But I know how easy it is to be overcome with stress and turn on each other instead. It's going to take a lot of prayer and a lot of patience.

I was worried about it before we had our big New Year's Eve blowup. I was afraid it'd be the end of us afterwards. Now, I'm just glad that we're on good terms again with this staring us in the face, but I still have a lot of fear. So, I ask for any readers I have to be praying for us, and I know that I'm going to need to take it all before God and lay it at His throne in complete surrender. I can't carry this burden, but he can.

Anyway, I just wanted to update you guys so that I didn't leave you hanging with the despair surrounding my last post, and let you know that God has been teaching me a lot and restoring our relationship. I have some fun posts coming up soon to let you know about all of the other things that are going on in my life. And I hope you guys enjoy what's to come... although I won't put any expectations on you ;-)

Our Christmas Card

To Our Family and Friends:


It’s the week before Christmas and we’re running so late.

But, maybe, you’ll like this poem and won’t mind the late date.

In order to wrap up this year, grand and merry

We’ll just start with the stuff way back in January.

The year began just after a family reunion was had,

Along with a kiss for Josiah at midnight, from his mom and his dad.

The next few months Mandy planned one party and another,

A huge task when you’re also a wife and a mother.

There was a baby shower in February, May, and in June,

A gender-reveal party, and Josiah’s 2^nd birthday came up soon.

Then a one-year-old’s September birthday added to the bashes

Lastly, Mandy had her own baby shower, with lots of mustaches.

“No more parties this year!” Mandy was told.

But at this point, she was glad to put the festivities on hold.

You see, early in March, a test had two pink lines showing

And with every proceeding month, Mandy’s belly was growing.

In June, at the halfway point, we had our big ultrasound

Then we threw a party for everyone to share the news we had found

We had two pinatas filled with candy, and when pulled open

One chocolate bar revealed a note to all who were hopin’.

To honor the new “little man”, we had a unique shower,

With mustaches and bow ties to celebrate the “man” of the hour.

And then Micah came via c-section on the scheduled date.

We were thrilled to meet our new baby boy at 3 minutes after 8.

He shocked us, first, by being tiny compared to his brother’s birth weight

But he’s catching up quickly, gaining pounds at a very fast rate!

He surprised us, second, by having hair versus none

But when we learned it was dark, we were even more stunned.

We chose “Micah” meaning “Who is like God?”- uncle Michael’s means the same.

Then we chose “James” after grandpa Jim, which is Micah’s middle name

In the 7 weeks following his birth, we have a normal that’s new.

Our favorite thing is that Micah now smiles at us, making us smile too.

November is a bigger month for us now that Micah is here.

Jesse also turned 25 and Mandy 27 that month of this year.

But Josiah’s 2nd birthday in August was the biggest in the house,

Complete with 64 of his pals, and, of course, Mickey Mouse!

Our 2-year-old guy is learning so much and brings us never-ending joy.

He’s leaving the infanthood behind and becoming our little boy.

He’s adding numbers, colors, and phrases to all of the words he does know

He loves with all his heart and is quick to let anger go

He’s beginning to pretend and loves to play all day

He has so much personality and cracks us up with the things he may say.

I think he might be my favorite person, beating 7 billion others.

I could brag about him all day! I’m so proud, like most mothers!

We took a vacation in Sisters this year, and had another trip or two,

We saw “Stomp” perform in Portland, and Josiah had his 1^st trip to the zoo.

In June this year, we celebrated four years of wedded bliss

I suppose it hasn’t been always “bliss”, but he is mine and I am his.

In other big news, we moved to a new place and bought a car to seat us all.

Mandy joined a mom’s group and Jesse started school, both in the fall.

Mandy is still doing daycare for her cousins Mondays through Fridays

Jesse still has his job, and after a 3-year freeze, finally got a pay raise!

This year hasn’t been perfect, intermittent with stress and loved ones passing away.

There are things that seem to bombard us each and every day.

It’s been hard to balance commitments, still making time for you and time for me

But we’re trying to focus on the positive, rather than the negative, you see.

We’re choosing to work together and trust God first and foremost

It’s only because of Him, that for any of this we can boast.

So, as we recount 2011 and eat our fill of turkey and dressings,

We are choosing to consider this year as a year full of blessings

Lots of Love, 

Jesse, Mandy, Josiah, and Micah Peterson

Tis the Season

I've been really excited about Christmas this year. It's my favorite holiday. I love the general Christmas cheer that most people have. I love picking out gifts for each person and seeing their excitement when they open their presents. (And, of course, getting gifts myself is enjoyable!) I love the parties and the church services and the church plays. I love the Christmas lights and decorating my own house. I don't love the Christmas carols so much, but I enjoy them for the first few weeks and then get tired of the same song being played repeatedly. This year "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" became the song I hated most. But back to positive things...  I've been soaking up every moment of this holiday season and looking forward to all of the fun stuff.

Then there was a hitch in our plans. After doing our budget, we realized that all of our income had to go towards bills and necessary expenses, leaving NOTHING left for gifts. We would be fine by January, but, unfortunately, Christmas comes in December. We were hoping that Jesse's company was going to hand out a Christmas bonus check this year, as they have in the past, since that would be the only way we were able to afford anything. But 1 week before Christmas, on payday when we expected it, there was no bonus check. I was so bummed. What would Christmas be without gifts? Of course, there's so much more important things and that's NOT what it's about. But I've never not been able to afford presents. Jesse talked to me about praying and asking God what it meant for us to give in this "season of giving" when we couldn't afford to give tangible gifts. And we decided together to hand it over to God and trust Him regardless. We were surprised and thrilled, though, when we received a check for $1080 the following Monday. I believe that God is good whether we got the check or not, but I'm thankful to serve a God who cares about our needs and our wants as well! We decided to give a portion of it back to Him, pay all of our bills next, and then we budgeted out gifts for each person we wanted to buy for. We were able to buy everything we wanted and even added 3 more people to our list!

We were excited to begin shopping that very night- after all, Christmas was only 6 days away and we hadn't even begun! But just as we were about to walk out the door, Josiah threw up without any warning. We cleaned him up and as I held him in my arms, he instantly fell asleep. Anyone that knows Josiah knows that this is abnormal behavior. I wasn't sure if the puking had worn him out or if he was in some kind of shock or something. So, I called the pediatrician's office and talked to the triage nurse. She said he sounded like he had a stomach virus and to expect him to continue to throw up for the next 12-24 hours. We were supposed to wake him up after 2 hours throughout the night to ensure he stayed hydrated. And she gave me all sorts of instructions about how to treat him and what to look for. When I woke Josiah up to give him water, he threw up again, drank some water, and went back to sleep. But after a few hours of sleeping and awaking again, he seemed to start feeling better. Fortunately, by the end of the night, he was talking more and playing again. So, everything about waking him up every two hours and his possible 24 hour stomach virus ended up to be nothing. I knew, though, that several other friends of mine had also been sick with similar ailments, including vomiting and diarrhea, but some of theirs had lasted a day or longer.

By Tuesday, we thought everything seemed better with Josiah and the rest of us were fine too. So we ventured out shopping again. We successfully went to WalMart and the mall and got quite a few gifts before I started feeling pretty sick. My stomach was just hurting and in knots. I knew that I needed to head home by the time we were done at the mall, but only made it to the car before getting sick in the car in the parking lot. I came home and spent the next few hours sick, but was better within a few hours, and thankful that it only lasted so long for both Josiah and me. Wednesday, I was back to normal and so was Josiah, and no one else had gotten sick, so we continued our shopping. Thursday was the same and then Friday we went out to dinner as a family before my brother and I drove around to look at Christmas lights. We didn't see very much that was exciting, but we had a nice time together just chatting.

Saturday, Jesse and I spent the day cleaning and getting ready, and then we joined Jesse's dad, stepmom, and 4 foster kids along with my mom, brother, and aunt at the church Jesse and I attend. It was nice to have our family with us since they don't normally attend. However, there was no nursery service and Josiah was distraught over this, especially because he hadn't napped yet and so everything was that much more "traumatic"! We just grinned through it and sang the Christmas carols with our candles in hand as Josiah laid on the floor and kicked the chairs and screamed. Luckily, the music drowned out most of the screaming! The rest of the service was really nice with the praise team singing, a group of kids playing violins and cellos, and the pastor reading a Christmas story to the little kids on stage. Jesse ended up taking Josiah out halfway through and sitting in the cafe the rest of the service, but Jesse's dad also had to take out their 3 year old foster son, so at least Jesse could spend time with his dad there. From there, we went to my mom and aunt's house where we opened our gifts for each other, which is our annual tradition. We didn't have the big meal we normally have because of the church service, but had pulled pork sandwiches instead. Josiah fell asleep in his high chair and we ended up opening all of our gifts without him. Since I was the photographer, I didn't get pictures of any of my gifts, but everyone got really nice things.

I felt so blessed to be surrounded by so many gifts when we thought we could afford none. Of course, more than half of these are what my mom bought, but we all had a bounty of presents.

Here's Josiah asleep in his chair. We didn't dare move him.

My mom and Micah and Micah in the blanket Nana made him:

 

Me on Christmas Eve:

Jesse & Me:

Here's our family of four, complete with Josiah sleeping and BBQ sauce on his face. It's real life, though, and you just have to smile through it!:

I got about 4 shirts, a jacket, and a pair of boots, an Oregon Duck hoodie, a book, $50, a Lifesavers candy book (tradition since I was a kid), a necklace with "J" and "M" charms, and my big gift was a new laptop that Jesse, David, and my mom bought together. I needed the laptop really bad since my beloved one is literally falling apart.

At this point, my mom had been feeling the effects of the stomach virus throughout the day and my aunt had previously been sick. Everyone was exhausted, and the whole mood, although thankful and cheerful, was also sleepy and quiet- not really what I expected. My mom even fell asleep holding Josiah after we opened our gifts.

We headed home and went to bed as soon as possible. Christmas morning, we woke up early to be at my mom's house by 9am for breakfast. Josiah had not opened any of his gifts, so he had his very own Christmas that morning! I love that he's at an age where he understands, for the most part, about opening presents. With every package, he'd grab it and carry it to someone and say "PRESENT!". Then they'd help him open it and he'd say, "It's a box!" He got lots of cool clothes, a Mr. Potato Head, some blocks, and a potty chair! We also got a giant box of diapers for him and I'm hoping it's the last one we ever have to buy. Started January 1st, I want to start potty training full-force. I think Josiah's getting ready. He knows the difference between pee and poop when we change his diaper, he's begun hiding when he has to poop, and he HATES having his diaper changed. The only cue that he doesn't seem ready is he's afraid to actually sit on the large toilet. But I'm hoping that having his own little chair will make it seem special and fun.

   

Micah asleep on Christmas day in the same outfit Josiah wore 2 years ago:

(Micah on the left- 7 weeks old 2011, Josiah on the right- 4 months old 2009)

After breakfast, we attended church with my mom. It's the same church we attended for 10-12 years before switching to our new one. It was a small group of 25 people or so. We sang together, had communion, and the pastor gave a sermon. I spent the sermon portion in the nursery by myself watching Josiah, though, because he was running around everywhere in the sanctuary. It was very low-key and family oriented, though, and nice to be with old friends again.

We went to my cousin's house afterwards and enjoyed a family get-together with 10 of my cousins and their families, including 3 cousins who live out of town/state. We ate and visited and then Jesse and I had to leave to go to his parents house. We picked up my BIL and his gf and headed out to my in-laws' house. We had dinner and visited with the family before heading home. Josiah slept through all of dinner and then woke up grouchy so it was a good time to go. After dropping off my BIL, though, I began to feel really sick again. And as soon as I got home, I began with all of the symptoms of a full-blown stomach flu (I'll spare the TMI details).

This morning, we were scheduled to go to Jesse's aunt and uncle's house where family was also coming up from California to visit, but having been so sick, I didn't think I should go (even though I felt perfectly fine at that point). So, Jesse went with the kids and I stayed home and slept. It was nice to sleep so long since I never get un-interrupted sleep like that! But I hated missing out on the Christmas festivities. :-(

This weekend wasn't everything I dreamed of due to so much sickness, and it was different than ones past because of the services we attended and the families that we visited with. But, I'll say that despite the stomach flu, I enjoyed it overall and felt really blessed by everything God has given us. I have a Christmas card and poem that I wrote about our year to share with everyone, but since my cards were sent out late, I want to make sure that everyone gets theirs in the mail before I post it online. Anticipate it soon, though. It's pretty cute!

I hope everyone else enjoyed their Christmas weekends too... without the stomach flu!

Christmas 2011

We finally had our last photo shoot with Camron and Melissa on December 4th at a local tree farm. Josiah wasn't too interested in posing for pictures. He'd rather run around and chase chickens, look at the goats and pigs, and simply run in the opposite direction as we'd like him to. At least Micah stays still, but it was freezing so we didn't stay long. We got at least one family shot and a few of each person, though. Here are my favorites:

And because it depicts real life...

...you can only laugh!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

October update

It's been WAY too long since I last wrote something. Typical, huh? I have so much to say all of the time, but then it gets to be too much for one post, and then no other post gets written... I'm going to try to do a "brief" update. We'll see how brief it actually turns out to be. You know me. I'm a talker! And I'm hoping to revamp my blog soon to include everything that's going on in my life, including Josiah, life at home as a mommy and wife, my crafts and party planning, and our newest addition on the way, Micah.

We'll start with me. I'll be 36 weeks pregnant on Tuesday. We have a c-section scheduled for November 2nd, so as of this Wednesday, there are only 3 weeks left until we meet little Micah. I'm feeling really well overall. I do know that when I'm more active during the day, I am more uncomfortable at night. My feet swell, my leg muscles cramp up and cause charlie horses, and my stomach and back hurt. But when I take it easy, I feel perfectly fine. Bending over repeatedly wears me out quicker than anything. So, I struggle to keep the house clean when it comes to picking up toys and clothes. If I do little bits at a time, it's not so hard. However, with a 2 year old, by the time I pick everything up, the first things I put away are now back on the floor. If you could see my living room right now! It was spotless just yesterday. Now there are books, toys, and pillows everywhere!!! I'm also at the point of going to the dr's office every week. I had last week (35 weeks) off, but have an appointment this Wednesday, the next Friday, the next week after that, and then Micah comes the following week. In addition to my regular check-ups, I also have to schedule in an anesthesia consultation at the hospital before his birth.

I'm still doing daycare, but only with Jaydon & Zoe (my cousins). They are now 8 and 9 years old and in 2nd and 4th grade. After a very busy summer, I was thrilled to see them go back to school. And I've been enjoying having my days with just Josiah and me. It is time consuming to transport everyone around everywhere. Each morning, all 5 of us load up in the car and I take Jesse to work, the kids to school, Josiah and I go home, and then in the afternoon I pick everyone up again. I spend about 3 hours in the car everyday!

My to-do list is never-ending, but a lot of that is just because I can't help but volunteer for new things. On top of the housework and typical mommy duties, I spent the last month and half planning my baby shower with my mom. It was really her throwing the shower for me, and I offered to be totally hands-off and let her do it all, but she knows how much I like to do it and what I'm capable of. In truth, the idea of doing it herself is overwhelming. It turned out to be a good thing, though, because 2 of the 5 weeks we had to plan, she ended up working until 8pm every night. And none of my friends stepped up to help until the day or two before the shower. So, I spent most days working by myself. The shower turned out awesome, though. It was a Mustache Bash theme with the idea that there is "another little man on his way to the Peterson house". There are lots of pictures, but I think checking them out on my facebook page is better than trying to add them to this post. If you aren't already my friend, send me a request.

Now that the baby shower is over, I thought I'd be able to relax, but I feel like I have even more to do since I have had less than 4 weeks to get my house ready for Micah's arrival. I've been trying to organize our bedroom, keep the rest of the house clean, and get Josiah's room ready too. For the first few months, Micah will be in a bassinet in our room, since I fear that his constant waking through the night would cause problems with Josiah's sleep. But, in the meanwhile, everything will be in Josiah's room (their future room together). So all diapers, clothes, toys, furniture, strollers, bouncy seats, everything are in their tiny room. It's fairly well organized now, but I have to add all of my recent gifts to the room as well as finalize some decor.

And then on top of all of that, I not only joined a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers), but I became the craft coordinator after the first meeting! I've never been in MOPS before this year. If you've never heard of it, it's a Christian-based group for mothers of kids under 6 years old. We meet twice a month for meetings. The kids are all in childcare that's provided. And the 3-5 year olds have lessons and structured activities. There are mentor moms who have older children. They are there to support you any way that you need, having been where you're at before. They'll hold your crying baby, give you advice, pray with you, and just provide any support they can. There is also a staff member for each aspect of the group (one that handles finances, another that handles childcare, one for public relations, one for food/hospitality, one for crafts, and so on). At the meetings, there is often a speaker who talks about issues moms face (usually from a Christian perspective), there's a bit to eat, discussion at your small group table, and a craft project for everyone to do. Once a month the staff meets together to plan out the next month's activities and topics. And the remaining week is an activity that moms and their kids do together outside of the group (like visiting a farm or the fire station). And then there's one Saturday a month where the moms go out by themselves and get to know each other better.  I've known online friends who have done it for years, and it always seemed like a neat organization. I just thought Josiah was too young last year (although he wasn't) and I didn't know where it was in my town or how to get involved. I had a conversation with one of my mom's childhood friends who was asked to be a mentor mom this year, and she told me about which church was hosting it. So I googled it and contacted some people and started at the first meeting a few weeks later. As it turned out, they were lacking some staff positions, including a craft coordinator. And when my mom's friend saw me there, she encouraged me to get involved. It's not as easy being 9 months pregnant, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to use the gifts I believe God gave me. So, I took the job. So far it's ok. For the first months, many of the craft activities were planned out for me. On one hand, I don't get to show what I'm really capable of. But on the other hand, I don't have to put as much effort into the activity when I've got so much else on my plate. So, my planner is booked with activities, and there's still more to-do's on the back burner when nothing else is written down. I'm trying to take care of myself and not over-book it either.

Life with Jesse is going well too. He just got a raise after wages were frozen 3 years ago. It was $1.50 more an hour, which is a huge blessing to us! I knew that if he stuck it out through the tough times, he'd be rewarded, and it's nice to see that come to fruition now. He's such a valued employee and we've been fortunate enough to have his job when so many others around us have been laid off. On top of that, Jesse decided to go back to school again. He began his first term at the end of September and is taking a Spanish class in a town about a half hour away as well as 2 online classes. After working 8 hours a day, he spends his evenings either at school or doing homework. I appreciate how hard he is working to better our family. And he's doing extra work around the house as well, since I'm unable to do as much. With the extra money we're receiving from his financial aid and raise, we're planning on buying a minivan or SUV (something with 6+ seats) to be able to hold the two of us, our 2 kids, and Jaydon & Zoe- or when Jaydon & Zoe aren't with us, my mom and brother could ride with us in one vehicle. We may go check out cars today, and our plan is to buy something before Micah comes in 3 1/2 weeks.

We have moved out of our house. Did you know that? After a lot of drama, we found a great landlord who was willing to give us a chance. We moved into a house we love and things have been good. The official marketing period on our house is over, but the bank has not initiated foreclosure proceedings again. There's been more interest in our house lately and one couple who might potentially buy it. That's our best-case scenario! If it doesn't sell, I'm not sure if we can still do the deed in lieu. I don't know if there was a timeline on that or not. It's been difficult to meet with our Realtor in the recent months. But we're not stressed about the situation right now.

Josiah is 25 months old now, and the change in him in the last month has been astounding. At his 2 year check up, he wasn't putting 2 words together in a sentence (except for saying "I stuck!" or "It's stuck!"). Now he's saying 3 work sentences (in only a month!!!). Last night he was holding a stuffed animal and I said, "What is that?" He replied, "It's a dog!" He's learning his colors, numbers, animals and their sounds. He points at everything and wants to know what it is. His vocabulary is now much closer to 100 words. And I think he's so funny! He has the most expressive face and he dances and cheers for himself. This age is definitely the most difficult so far, as far as how much attention he needs and how busy he is, but it's also a lot of fun to see his personality develop. He's still my sweet boy that loves to snuggle with mommy and give lots of hugs and kisses too. We also cut his hair really short this last month. All of those curly locks are gone! As sad as it makes me, I think it was the right choice.

This is what it was before:
 

Then we got one haircut where I just wanted to trim it and keep it curly:
 

But I didn't like it. It wasn't curly enough or short enough. It looked awkward. So, I went for it, and had the stylist cut it all off into a faux hawk:

  

He's such a big boy now!!! Makes me a little sad, but I love him just the same!


Josiah is now wearing mostly 3T clothes (he can still fit in some 2T things too, but I don't buy any more that small). He wears size 6 diapers and size 7 shoes (which are in the little boy's section!!!) He weighs nearly 40 lbs and is right around 3 ft tall. I'm sure he'll surpass me in size by the time he's 10-12 years old, if not sooner!!! We're holding off on potty-training for now too. Our pediatrician believes strongly that 2 and 1/2 is the best age, and while I think some kids are ready earlier, I don't think Josiah is one of them. He is just now saying "I pee" or "I poo", but only when I tell him that he did first. He'll lay down for me to change his diaper when I tell him to, but he doesn't tell me that he needs to be changed. It doesn't seem to phase him at all that his diaper is dirty. He also understands the toilet is to go potty on, but he gets scared and pulls away if I try to sit him on it. He doesn't hide in the corner to go to the bathroom or show ANY signs of being ready. And while I know you can introduce it anyway, I don't want potty-training to be any more drawn out of difficult than it already will be. I also don't want Micah's birth to cause any regression in his training. And I think trying to rush Josiah to the toilet while I'm breastfeeding Micah could prove difficult. So, I'm holding off until Micah is about 3 months old. That way we're on our new routine, adjusted to the new baby, and Josiah really will be 2 and 1/2. Still not looking forward to it, though. :-)

We had an ultrasound for Micah at 32 weeks since I have a history of high blood pressure. I guess the blood pressure can cause my placenta to not work right which can make the baby smaller than normal (malnourished, perhaps). So they needed to do the ultrasound to make sure he was growing properly, which he is... perfectly! This is our glimpse at Micah 3 weeks ago:
 

And here is me at 32 weeks, 3 days:
 

And at 34 weeks, 5 days (with exactly 1 month to go)
 

I think I covered most everything. If you're not my friend on facebook and want to see my other pictures, send me a request here: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=167000118 It's a much easier way for me to stay up-to-date with everyone!