I have a group that I belong to on babycenter.com. The other day, someone posted a thread of bad habits for everyone to share. It said, "I know we all strive to be perfect... But, I'm sure we all do or don't do a little something that other might find 'questionable'. So I thought we could all come clean and free ourselves of the guilt."
I participated and found that it was quite freeing, actually, kinda like MckMama's "Not Me Monday's". Parenting is something that evokes such strong emotions and I think mommies are often harshly judged for adhering to one parenting technique or another. Furthermore, Leigh posted about parenting "rules" that she promised to follow before having babies, but reality has caused her to break these "rules".
Therefore, today, I want to make this post a chance to share your bad habits without judgment. Do you let your baby sleep in bed with you? Did you promise yourself that you never would? Do you pretend you didn't notice his/her diaper was dirty so that your husband would change them instead? Did you think that you would never sit your baby in front of the TV?
Well, it's confession time!
I was quite convinced that Josiah would NEVER sleep in my room, let alone my bed with me. With utter conviction, I declared that he would sleep in his own crib in his own room right from the start. The very first night we were home from the hospital, I cried when I put Josiah to bed in his crib. I made it through the night and trusted God to watch over him, but there was about a week or so in the first month where it was proving difficult to get Josiah to sleep in his own bed. So, I would sleep with Josiah in our bed. I would hold him in my arm next to me. There is no way that I could've rolled over on him in this position, and I wasn't worried about Jesse rolling on him either since he'd have to roll on my arm to do so (which I would notice). We all slept better, Josiah in our arms, and us knowing he was okay. And while it didn't last long, I did let him sleep there. Even now, if he's up a lot in the mornings and I still want to sleep longer, I'll put him in bed with me to help. I have also slept on the couch with him during afternoon naps.
Speaking of sleep, after Josiah started wiggling his way out of the sleeping wedge, we began using a Boppy pillow to support him in his crib, despite reading the tag on said pillow which clearly says to not sleep with it. He is now starting to roll out of it and I will find him in the morning laying on his belly with the pillow in a U-shape around his head. I was worried about this being unsafe, but have since decided that he will stay in the pillow and be still as long as he is asleep. It is when he wakes up and puts himself back to sleep that he wiggles around so much and gets out of it. So, as long as I check on him in the morning when he wakes up, he seems to stay put in the pillow.
Another reason I love the Boppy pillow is because I am guilty of propping Josiah up with a bottle. This is a no-no times two! I often use a bottle to get Josiah to sleep AND I prop it up! Even when I'm certain he's not really that hungry, a bottle will calm Josiah down and get him to sleep when all of the rocking and pacifiers in the world won't. I also will prop up the bottle, using the Boppy pillow, to get Josiah to fall asleep in his own crib and not in my arms. I don't want to risk laying him down and waking him up again. I do watch him pretty closely, though. I even set my alarm on my phone so that I don't fall asleep and leave him with the bottle in his mouth. As soon as I know he's done sucking, I take the bottle out and move any burp cloths or pillows that may be in his face. I've worried that using a bottle to get him to sleep may come back to bite me in the butt later, but it works for now. I also rationalize it by determining that he CAN go to sleep without it and frequently does. It's just my go-to answer.
I used to tell myself that I would let my baby cry it out and be just fine with it. In my thinking, it's not hurting him and he'll benefit from it in the long run. But when I began to try it out, it proved MUCH harder than I anticipated. The first few days he cried a lot before falling asleep in about 30 mins. If I busied myself cleaning the house and had the washer, dryer, and dishwasher running (which helped to drown out the cries), it went by faster (because I wasn't watching the clock) and I'd set an alarm to go check on him again. I was fine when he would calm down at seeing me, but once he became so upset that he cried right through it, it bothered me a lot. Then, the 3rd night, he cried for an hour and wasn't calming down- only getting angrier. So I gave up. No more crying it out for me. I held my baby tight, put a bottle in his mouth, and apologized for making him cry so long. :-(
Lastly, I have the TV on all day long. I don't like to be home alone and not have any sound. If I'm not watching a show, I'll have music playing on the XM Radio station. Once Jaydon and Zoe get here, they spend most of the evening watching TV. I do make sure they do their homework, we play together, and we eat dinner. I'm not a horrible daycare provider. But the TV is on most of the time. So, even though Josiah isn't watching it, he does listen to it all day. He will watch it occasionally if he's sitting on my lap, and I let him, but try to make sure it's not for very long. I also try to talk to him all of the time to still build his vocabulary, and I'm convinced that he's a baby genius (what mom doesn't?) so I am not too worried about it.
I know there's more, but I think that's a good start. So, I'll tag the mommies that I know for sure read my blog (I follow more people, but I'm not sure if they all read mine) and you can post your own blog if you want or anyone can leave a comment to tell me your bad mommy habits. Also, to relieve all of the guilt that this may bring up, I think I'll also have a bragging post soon, where you can boast about what a genius your baby really is (or post your favorite picture to show us how adorable your precious child is)! Any ideas?
My Mommy List:
1) Shannon
2) Rachie Pachie
3) Jen
4) Leigh
5) Jill
6) Carina
7) Marlene
8) Steph
9) Heather
3 comments:
Here's my bad mom habits I swore I'd never do:
We give Baron a bottle every night and lay him down- he loves it. We've tried to not give him one, and he cried, "Baba, Baba!". He feeds himself and falls right asleep.
Disney and Little Einstein movies have become a very big babysitter for Jackson. Sometimes I just really need to get stuff done or it's been a rough day... insert Nemo. And when I am really being a bad mom, I put on a video and then get on the internet and Facebook or blog instead of doing the dishes or laundry, etc.
Both kids have somehow ended up on certain nights in our bed. I swore especially with baby #2 he would never be allowed in our bed, but there's just those nights, like when they are sick, or when they feel like waking up at 4 am, that you are just so tired, so you bring them into bed so everyone can get some sleep. BUT, I think that as long as the kid isn't going to bed with you every night and sleeping the whole time in your bed- taking away time from you and your husband, it's not so bad. That's just my personal opinion :)
Anyways, those are just a few of mine! Whew that felt good to say!
p.s. I'm sure you a great mom!
I can't let Evie cry it out either. I have read/heard too much brain research that shows that it is damaging to babies' brains to let them be stressed for that long (their brain gets washed with cortisol - a stress hormone) and it also can affect attachment (they start learning that you don't respond when they cry - if it is repeated too much). I do let Evie cry sometimes when she wakes up in the middle of the night or when I lay her in her crib and she was asleep. Those times usually last less than 5 minutes, so I tell myself it is okay. =)
Let's see. I sometimes leave a damp onsie or pants on Juliet(after changing the offending diaper) because I don't want to make more laundry.
I rarely put socks & shoes on her, even when going out since she wont leave them on anyway. People make comments sometimes. Now that she is walking though I do put them on her, or at least bring them in case she wants to walk around on the ground.
Sometimes I lose my temper at inannimate objects when she is watching. I really need to break this habit so she doesn't learn to do it to.
I see her letting the dog lick something she is eating...and I pretend I don't see.
That was fun! Thanks Mandy
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