Holy Discontent

The babies are napping and I'm waiting until it's time to take Josiah to his 9 month appointment, so I figured I'd update everyone on how church was yesterday.

We enjoyed it a lot! My best friend Jolyn and her 2 year old daughter went with our little family of 3. We dropped off the kids in the nursery and found our seats in the sanctuary. The worship was slower paced, but contemporary, and we all enjoyed it very much. Since this was the earlier of their 2 services, I'm not sure if their later service is the exact same or more upbeat, or if it just varies from week to week. However, for me, it was worship that I really needed. I was overcome with tears as I sang, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is, and is to come. With all creation I sing praises to the King of Kings! You are my everything and I will adore You!" with my husband's hand wrapped tightly around mine. It was the way it was supposed to be- the way God designed our marriage to be.

The sermon was not the usual one by the pastor. Instead, because they are doing a leadership summit in a few months, we watched a video sermon given by Bill Hybels who wrote "Holy Discontent", on which the summit is based. Bill told everyone about the classic cartoon character, Popeye who was head over heels for his lanky girlfriend, Olive Oyl. If anyone or anything threatened her well-being, Popeye's famous line before popping his can of spinach and displaying his disproportionate muscles was, "That's all I can stands, and I can't stands no more!" Bill related this first to Moses when he saw the soldier beating the Hebrew slave and couldn't stand it anymore, killing the soldier. Then again Moses had this moment when he saw the two Hebrew slaves fighting with each other. Bill said he always thought it was the burning bush that brought Moses to a place of leadership, but, instead, the bush only served to slow Moses down enough for God to get his attention. It was these prior instances, the moments that wrecked his heart that God was using to say, "Moses! See my people's plight? I want you to stand up for them!"

Bill used this to say that often the thing that wrecks your heart and drives you crazy- the thing that stirs up discontent in you- may be the very area where God wants to use you. Does you heart break for the poor, or the parentless, or for lost teenagers, or for those with addictions? Does it cringe at injustice, bad music or dancing, people afflicted with AIDS, or political lies? Maybe God is calling you to those places! He said, for himself, that he was grief-stricken over his dying church. He hated being there. And when his dad wanted to invite a local middle-schooler to attend church with them, Bill pleaded with his dad, "If you care anything about this kid's well-being, DON'T invite him to our church!" As a teenager, Bill hesitantly brought one of the wildest kids in school to church with him at that guy's request. Neither guy has any involvement in church now. It wrecks Bill's heart. So, in response, he raised the money to build facilities to reach people just as these.

Two points he ended with: the thing that wrecks you, can also wreck you, and you should continue to stay connected with that thing rather than avoid it. In the first case, you can be so overwhelmed with the need around you when you are working in it that you feel hopeless or want to quit. You may be feeding the hungry, but realize that the need is never-ending, and that may only serve to get you down even more. Protect yourself against it. And, in the final case, it's important to stay involved in that area rather than avoid it because your heart needs to stay soft. Every year when Bill goes to his summer home, he still attends a dying church. He sits in the pew immersed in their community because it's necessary for him to see the need still existing. He also concluded that there may be many things over the years that break your heart, and the more you listen to God's voice, the more things there will be because your heart will break over the things that break His heart. But, he stated that there is probably still one specific area that stands above the rest for you.

I couldn't help but feeling that perhaps this was exactly what Jesse needed to be hearing at this point when he feels so lost in his identity and purpose. If he could find out what it is that wrecks his heart, maybe he would have some direction in his career and education. And, I couldn't help but think that maybe the "dying church" was the area that Jesse could be called to. I mean, it drove him to the point of wanting to quit church all together. He is so fed up with the hypocrisy and judgment and lack of growth that he wanted to walk away without looking back. Maybe that's where God wants to take him. In my conversation with him later, he considered the possibility, but isn't sure exactly what his answer would be to that question of what wrecks his heart. I know where to start praying now, though.

He did not attend church with me at my church afterwards, but I know God is working on him. I have been a little disappointed at the response of some people towards Jesse not coming, but I need to remember that people aren't perfect and God is working on them too. Overall, we were very pleased with our experience. I could see myself attending regularly there, but we do want to try out a few other places. I did talk to Jesse about possibly attending both churches, even splitting them up every other week if the times conflict, and he seemed interested.

Now, I need to take my baby to the doctor, though, for his 9 month check up. Pray for me as I'm taking both babies by myself. I know you moms of twins are rolling your eyes!