Ever-Changing

I have some free time at the moment and thought I'd update everyone as to what's going on in our lives.

JOSIAH:
Josiah is 17 months old now and getting SO BIG!!! I am astounded everyday at how much he's grown and what all he has learned to do in the recent months. He is between 30-32 lbs, but I won't know his exact weight or height until next month. He's wearing pretty much 2T clothes full-time and size 4 diapers. His hair has gotten really long and is super curly in the back. He's never had a haircut and my mom would freak if I did cut his hair. But the back is growing a lot faster than the top, so I may have to save him from having a mullet.

He is a total climber. He wants to stand on the couches/chairs, walk around on them, climb from one piece of furniture to the other. He can even climb on the dining room chair by himself and then onto the table and stand on the table. It gets scary every once in awhile, not to mention annoying to keep going after him and pulling him off. He knows the word "no" but doesn't seem bothered by it. Instead, he laughs (or screams angrily) and then goes right back to it. I've been trying to notice what characteristics Josiah displays that may hint at his talents when he's older. At this point, I think that he seems very mechanically minded. He loves to put toys into boxes and bags and pull them out again. He wants to push buttons, turn knobs, and maneuver things around each other. I wonder if he'll end up putting this towards being a mechanic, something with science, or even an engineer. Jesse and I were talking about the possibilities, but I know that I just want him to be happy whatever he does.

In the past two months, I think he's added about 10 words to his vocabulary, going from 10-20 word. I have written down that he also knows 8 more actions on top of the words (things like blowing on his hot food or trying to do the motions to the "Itsy Bitsy Spider"). And he also seems to understand about 12 more phrases that he never says, like "Close the door" or "Ask Daddy for more milk". He mostly still says things when he feels like it and not at my request, but he does point to pictures in books and try to say the names of the animals or objects. He LOVES books! He wants to be read to over and over again. He especially loves books that have flaps to uncover pictures or have texture that he can touch. He is still super cuddly, loving to be held, hugged, and kissed. He loves his mama the most, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night and ends up in our bed, he HAS to be touching me at all times, even if that's putting his hand on my chin while he sleeps or hiking one leg up onto my stomach. He doesn't watch much TV, but he LOVES Mickey Mouse. He knows how to get the remote, hand it to me, and ask for Mickey Mouse. And then he'll run up to the TV and wait eagerly for you to turn on the show. I'm thinking that Mickey might have to be the theme of his 2nd birthday party. Who knows? It could change before then, but right now it is definitely a favorite. In fact, Josiah even has a stuffed Mickey Mouse that he got for his 1st birthday. He sleeps with it every night and will carry it lovingly around the house throughout the day when he's playing. This rocking chair is just his size and he loves it! This picture shows Josiah today watching a video similar to Baby Einstein about the creation of the earth, sitting in his chair with a sippy cup, and his Mickey Mouse. Life doesn't get better than that.

As great of a child as I think Josiah is, he's definitely not perfect, and I fear that the "terrible 2's" are on their way. While he's still so much better behaved than many kids, he now will throw himself down in a fit and scream when he's not happy. He arches his back and hits things and throws anything within reach on the floor. These fits last for seconds at a time and then pass, but I don't enjoy it. He's become more difficult to take out to restaurants because he doesn't want to sit in the highchair after awhile and will scream, and often throws most of his food or silverware on the floor. We can make it through most of the meal just fine, especially when he's eating, but waiting for appetizers, dessert, or our check can be exhausting. He's been biting a lot, mostly out of excitement, but it hurts really bad. I just started biting him back hoping that it'll show him that it hurts. Any better ideas? I also have a hard time teaching him not to hit. I've always been an advocate of spanking, but how can I spank him and then say, "Josiah, no no. Don't hit mama" immediately afterwards? Seems hypocritical. It's definitely a difficult age to discipline. He understands so much and yet there are still so many limitations on his vocabulary.

In other news...

MY JOB:
My daycare business is now down to only Jaydon and Zoe. My other client got officially laid off and haven't needed me to watch their daughter since December and haven't paid me since last October. Since my cousin uses government assistance to pay me and the benefits are being cut in June due to budget cuts, we'll have to see what happens then. She'll have to start paying me out of pocket, but may not be able to afford to pay me as much as I'm getting now. I'm not opposed to getting a job outside of the home, but have to consider if it'd be worth it considering I'd have to pay for childcare while I'm working. There aren't many jobs available in this area, especially ones that don't require very specific certifications. Oregon's unemployment rate is still ridiculous and there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people competing for every job. In the meanwhile, I'm still selling some of my crafts. I've gotten amazing feedback and lots of orders from friends, but I still have my shop temporarily closed down while I build up my inventory. I'm still receiving my curriculum in the mail for the event planning certification and even have 4 baby showers this summer that I'm helping to plan. But I'm not actively studying right now. I'm holding off for a little while, while I work on everything else, but I still plan on tackling it before this year is up.

JESSE'S JOB:
Jesse's job is going well. The company seems to be getting enough work, not laying anyone off, and even gave out large Christmas bonuses for the first time in over 2 years. I'm hoping that he'll be able to get a raise in the next year after the company froze pay raises 2 years ago. At this point, Jesse feels good about staying there for an indefinite amount of time. He likes his job right now, and there is a chance that as his boss retires, Jesse could work up to a supervisor position. There are no plans for him to go back to school or look for any other work at this time. I think he's in a good place and I believe that if he's ever supposed to leave, God will make it clear at that time. Otherwise, I know God will use him there.

CHURCH:
We've been attending a new church for the past 4 months or so and I really enjoy it for the most part. The only drawback is that the church has gone through their own strife in the past few months and are still recovering from that. As an outsider, it's difficult to come in in the middle of that. But otherwise, I like the worship, the pastor, the nursery, and the programs offered there. We have joined a small group on Sunday nights. The course seems a little elementary for us as we grew up in church and are learning who Jesus is and why He died. But I really enjoy the people in my group and am excited to get to know them better. I'm still missing the friendships I had at my old church and want to be able to call this place "home", but it's not there yet.

MARRIAGE:
Things have been going GREAT between me and Jesse. I think we found a groove that we are both happy in. We have a schedule worked out each week which allows us to each have time to ourselves, Josiah to be cared for at all times, and time for each other in the midst of it. We're getting along. Our arguments are shorter  and less frequent. In many ways, I feel like when we first got married. We are holding hands in the car again and sneaking kisses when no one is looking. We're laughing more often and enjoying our time together. I'm really happy with him right now.

HOUSE & FINANCES:
We had, I think, 1 person look at our house between September and January. Since January, that number has more than quadrupled. I think we've had about 4-6 people come to see our house in the past couple of weeks and had 4 calls from Realtors this last weekend alone. We've had at least one person mildly interested, but no offer yet. At least I feel more hopeful about it possibly selling. I was certain that it was just going to foreclose before ever selling. And although we should be officially in foreclosure, we haven't received any notice of eviction any time soon, let alone any notice at all since November. So I think we're safe for at least a few more months. We're not making much money but have cut back on our expenses significantly in the past 8 months when everything fell apart. We're looking for a house or apartment that fits better into our current price range and I feel confident that we can rent a bigger place for nearly $400 less than we're paying now. Right now, we're just waiting to see what happens. A lot can change in the upcoming months, but we'll just have to see how it plays out.

ANOTHER BABY?
And if you've made it this far, then I am going to tell you that Jesse and I are now trying to have another baby. I've been off of birth control for 8 months now, and am still not pregnant. However, even though we weren't preventing, that was the extent of our "trying" to conceive. We were really okay with not being pregnant, in fact it was kinda scary to think about adding a newborn to our hectic lives, but when we thought about it in longer terms, we knew this is when we wanted to go off birth control pills. Last week, though, Jesse told me that he now REALLY wants me to get pregnant. He sees Josiah growing so fast and he misses the newborn things and is ready to experience it again with another child. And he'd REALLY love a daughter! I called my clinic and switched doctors from my original OB (Dr. York, if you remember) to Dr. Haugen who delivered Josiah and I loved him. I have an appointment with him next Monday to get an annual exam and then discuss trying to conceive baby #2. Since we are not quite at a year to qualify for "infertility" this time through, but still have a history of infertility and it is taking a little longer than normal now, I'm not sure how long Dr. Haugen will have us wait before treatment. We don't have any clinical diagnosis for the cause of our infertility, but for some reason we don't conceive very easily. So I'd just like to discuss the possibilities with Dr. Haugen. Emotionally, I've been all over the place this time. I haven't cried a single time that my period has started or the test has been negative, and I've been okay with not being pregnant. But when I think about going through infertility all over again, I get really upset. At first I thought it was the fear of facing the months of heartache and testing and treatment again. But I realized that I do believe I will get pregnant, no matter how long it takes. And I also realized that I love Josiah so much and would be thrilled if he was the only child I ever had. So my upset feelings about not getting pregnant were really rooted in believing that it's totally unfair to be facing this again. I think it just plain sucks to have so much trouble getting pregnant when others conceive so easily. And I don't think it's fair, which upsets me. But apart from that, I do believe that I CAN get pregnant and will eventually get pregnant, regardless of what it takes to get there. And Jesse and I are working on looking at this experience as a positive and exciting one. He doesn't want to see me face the heartache and depression of not getting pregnant again. And so we're trying to have fun with it and look towards the excitement of pregnancy rather than the disappointment of not being there yet.

Still have a lot of changes to face in already crazy lives, but we're happy with where we're at right now and looking forward to the future.