23 Weeks...

... and 1 day.

I've been waiting to post until I had pictures, but I decided to go ahead and post all of the info now and I'll post pictures when I'm done.

To start with, the biggest new happening in my life is that my brother-in-law moved out and I was finally able to start decorating the nursery. It's kind of a bitter-sweet thing. On one hand, I love my brother-in-law very much and enjoyed having him as a roommate and it's difficult knowing that he is leaving to go out on his own and deal with a very ugly divorce, but on the other, it's what Michael needs to do and I deeply wanted our house to be OURS again. Jesse and I bought our house on May 15th of last year and only one month of that entire year has been just the two of us. The first four months we had my brother as a roommate and then next 5 months we had Jesse's brother as our roommate. It's safe to say that we won't be taking in any more roommates any time soon... at least not for another 4 months and then he'll be the tiniest, cutest little roommate that I'm not sure I could ever say no.

I can't wait to show pictures of it all, but I'm one of those people who won't let you see what I'm drawing in art class until I'm done with it because I want you to see the final picture. So far, though, we have painted the walls, a little more than halfway down, a light gray (called "silver screen") and then we have a 4-inch stripe that is a medium blue color ("ocean view") and then the remainder of the wall is a darker blue ("seven seas"). We got our furniture all assembled. You can see this earlier post to view the catalog pictures of the furniture. I started last night painting his name above the crib along with the verse, "I prayed for this child and the Lord answered my prayer and gave him to me. 1 Samuel 1:27". His name is in black and the verse will be in silver. Along the middle stripe on that same "feature wall", I've started painting geometric shapes, circles and squares (which go with the general theme of the room) in black, silver, and white. I hung some blue and white paper lanterns above where my rocker will be. And the closet is organized with all of his clothes hung up. If you know me well, you won't be surprised to hear that the hangers in the closet are color coordinated by size so that I can easily detect which sizes are where. If you don't know me well, you now probably think I'm a freak! :-) I also found a list online of all the neccessities a family needs for a newborn baby. (If you expectant mothers want a copy of this list, let me know and I'll get it to you.) So, I've begun to check off all of the things I already have and plan for what I still need to get. I feel like I've got a good start on things. I even bought my first pack of diapers and wipes and have accumulated a few more things like crib sheets and a hamper. It's coming together, fairly quickly actually.

I love just walking into the room and looking around. It's something I have spent years imagining and planning. It's something I wondered if I'd ever even be able to do. And, I am in awe of God's grace over and over again, each time I look around. I have put reminders all around the room (not that I need them neccessarily) of what a miracle and gift from God Josiah is to us. From the picture frame that holds our first ultrasound "blob" picture and says "Tiny Miracle" to a piggy bank that has a poem about God guiding our baby's steps to the verses on the wall and in the artwork. And, as I think about Josiah using the room, as I nurse him or change him or lay him down to sleep, I can't imagine looking into his sweet little face and not being overwhelmed by this gift that God has given me.

In fact, I've been spending a lot of time really thinking about living with a newborn and having a son for the rest of my life. While going through infertility, I think so much focus is put on getting pregnant that I, for one, didn't really think much about actually having a baby after the pregnancy. After getting pregnant, I still spent a lot of time thinking about the actual pregnancy and of my belly growing and of feeling movements, but it isn't until recently that I've spent more time daydreaming of holding Josiah in my arms. I think about this time next year and can't believe he will be 8-9 months old. Jesse and I are getting ready to go on a church-wide retreat during Memorial Day weekend, and it's made me think of how different things will be NEXT year when we have a little boy who will be crawling (maybe even walking!) around. We can take him swimming at the retreat next year and hold him as we sing praise songs around the campfire. He can play basketball with his daddy, and we can stroll around the campgrounds as he gets into EVERYTHING! I can't even describe the joy that those thoughts bring me!

In physical news, I don't think that I've gained any more inches in my waistline or any more weight in general (I'll find out Friday), but I do think my stomach is rounding out more and more. And my whole body is feeling it. Jesse says that he thinks my hips are wider than before. I haven't noticed that but I do feel like I walk differently (as I mentioned last time). So, each time I stand up after sitting for awhile, I feel aches and pains all in my joints. I've also been feeling a lot more pain in my stomach. I'd say it's about a 2 on a scale of 1-10, so completely managable, but noticeable nonetheless. It's the equivilent of when you go running and your side hurts, but it's just lower in my stomach. And it's only sporadically and in one spot at a time. I'm SURE that it's just dependent on how the baby is laying. This morning I told Jesse that it feels like Josiah is using my spleen as a pillow! I really have no idea where my spleen is in relation to anything else, but it sounds about right. Later this morning, I felt a consistent ache in the complete opposite side of my stomach. Right now, I can feel it back in my "spleen" again. I'm not worried about it nor do I complain or make a big deal of it. It's just all part of documenting this experience. Jesse's been really good with helping me out, too. Bending over repeatedly (like to pick up dirty clothes off of the floor) is really exhausting and uncomfortable. So, Jesse finally told me to stop trying to pick things up (anything) and just kick it if I need him to get it for me. I laughed and said that I couldn't imagine him doing that for 4 more months! But, he has really stepped up and started doing laundry for me so that I don't have to worry about it. I help by hanging up clothes, but it keeps me from having to carry heavy loads or bend over so much. He also tells me to stop if I am picking things up around the house, and offers to help. If I'm sitting on the floor, he helps pull me to my feet and will also give me a boost into the car if I'm having trouble. It all sounds so pathetic, but I know that it's normal AND that it'll probably only get worse as I won't be able to start putting on my own shoes before long.

I'm also fairly sure I have begun feeling kicks. In contrast to the light tickles I was feeling before, I am starting to feel more kinds of rumblings and bubbles in my tummy. It's easy to mistake for gas which is one reason I haven't paid too much attention yet, but when I realized that I was feeling it consistently without having any subsequent gas, I realized it must be stronger motions. The other night I was lying in bed really still with my hands resting on my stomach. And then I felt something almost like a stomach spasm, but I'm pretty sure I felt it in my hand and not just in my stomach. It was pretty cool, but I'm still looking forward to feeling it more definitely and consistently. I still can't wait until Jesse feels it himself, but at this point, they are so few and far between that it's completely unpredictable- although amazingly cool.

I've also had a few odd experiences with other people lately concerning my pregnancy. One thing is that I'm still in kind of a weird place where some people know that I am obviously pregnant while others have no clue. I'm not really sure why some people can't tell still, but I know that it's always a really iffy thing to assume for someone. I had a woman, another employee at the hospital where I work (whom I only see occassionally and don't know otherwise), come into the coffee shop last week and say to me, "You are just too cute! When are you due?" That put a permanent smile on my face and I proceeded to tell her some of the details. Meanwhile, I walked into the church nursery last Sunday and saw one of the other moms who I see nearly every week and have known for years and she says to me, "Hey! You're starting to show!" Starting?! It seems like everyone else thought I ballooned up 2 months ago! But I just smile and nod. It doesn't really matter to me. I just am not sure what I look like through others' eyes... My other odd experience was while waiting on the sidewalk for Jesse to pick me up after work. My former co-worker's wife walked by with their daughter in a stroller. She is someone I've known for about 2 years. I keep up with her blog online and we've all gone out to dinner before (as co-workers and their spouses). She used to come into my workplace and I'd chat with her. In fact, she got married one day before I did and we both started trying to get pregnant at the same time. It took me a whole year longer than her, though. So, her daughter will be a year old the same week I am due. Anyways, she strolls up and starts to ask me questions about how I'm doing. She then asks me if I plan on getting an epidural or going naturally during labor. The answer is that I'm not opposed to either way, but plan to just go with the flow. She then begins to describe to me how horrible labor is- that it's a pain so awful that you can't even explain it, you just have to experience it. And I'm telling you, she is such a sweet person, but she was talking REALLY loud on the street corner and describing how awful her labor was! I'm sure my eyes were as wide as saucers. In all truth, I know that EVERYONE has a completely different experience and I'm not too worried about it. But why on earth does anyone EVER feel the need to tell you stories like that?!

In final news, I also discovered that another woman at church is pregnant again (with her fourth child). This is not the first announcement I've had since being pregnant, but she is probably the person closest to me that will be pregnant at the same time I am. She has one daughter with special needs that they put up for adoption when they got pregnant at a really young age. They just didn't feel like they could handle it and we're Christians at the time. I don't know much about that situation other than that. Then they have a teenage daughter who is about 14-15 and another daughter who only 2. This mom is one that comes into the nursery nearly every week and who I've gotten to know really well over the past few years. I knew that she and her husband were going to be trying for another baby around the time her daughter turned 2 years old, but other than saying they were ready to try, I hadn't heard much else. It turns out that she is very high-risk (I assume because she's now about 34-35 years old) and she is now pregnant, but didn't tell any of us until last Sunday since the tests have all come back normal now. Two years ago, all of these women went through their pregnancies at the same time (about 6 of them together), and now that I'm pregnant, I have been the only one. So this was the first announcement in church since my own announcement. But I am very excited for her. Due to all of the testing, she also knows that she is having a boy even though she's only about 16 weeks. They wanted a boy so badly (with this being their 4th and last child) I think it's awesome that she will have a son the same age as mine because all of the other children are going to be so much older now. I told Jesse later that it's a VERY different experience to hear pregnancy announcements now that I am pregnant myself. I always felt the joy for that person before, but it's no longer mixed with sadness and hurt for my own sitution anymore. I am so glad to have that peace now.

Well, I feel like I've been talking and talking. So, my next post will be no talking- just pictures of the nursery! Hopefully I'll have that by tonight or tomorrow...