The Rest of the Story (a.k.a. Part 2)

Well, after unloading our whole job ordeal from my chest, I still had more to share. But I didn't want your eyes to start bleeding from the over-stimulation of vocabulary flowing from my page. So, I return with the rest of the story.

In other baby-related news, I think I have entered the nesting mode of pregnancy. There have been things that I've wanted to accomplish for months- getting the nursery finished and prepping the house for the arrival of Josiah. But up until now, I just haven't had the energy to do so. If I was home, I just was too tired to spend more time working. However, even though my body is achier than before and my schedule is definitely not any lighter, I suppose my desire to accomplish these things has gotten strong enough to persuade me to actually do them. Last Saturday Jesse and I had a group of friends coming over to play games at our house. This seemed to be the perfect excuse to clean the house. So we did. Big time. In fact, I don't think our house has been THIS clean since before we moved in! I finished the nursery in its entirety. The clothes are washed and hung up. The crib is made and put into place. The walls are finally finished being painted. The hutch is back where it belongs. And, for the most part, things are where they should be. The only major missing component to the room is the rocker/glider that I want to get. Of course there's lots to add once my baby shower is over. I'll have many more clothes to arrange and items to fill the hutch with. I've also worked a bit more on some of the artwork for the walls and hope to hang them all soon. Pictures to come soon. Aside from the nursery, our bedroom is cleaner than it's ever been. The floors to the house are vacuumed. The toilet and bathtub are scrubbed. The laundry is done. The dishes are washed. If we can just maintain it until Josiah arrives, we'll be in a good place!

And, the baby shower I just briefly mentioned is scheduled to happen this Saturday! I have waited for this day for SOOO long!!! I'm super stoked about it. Just imagining the love and support from all of the people in my life as we celebrate this miracle that God has given me... it overwhelms me. I'm sure I'll cry at some point. And, I can't wait to show off pictures of it all.

While I'm doing my girly baby stuff, Jesse is going out of town for the weekend, camping with the guys. It's a little hard for me because we've never spent this much time apart, but I think he needs to do his guy thing while he still has the chance. Plus, I'll be busy with my shower and getting ready for it. And once all of that is over, he'll be home soon anyways. I'm a little sad that I won't be able to tell him all about it right away, but I suppose I can wait a day or so. And, maybe by then, I'll be able to get it all arranged for him to see.

The camping trip is also an opportunity for him to spend some quality time with both of our brothers. Michael, his brother (who lived with us and moved out just 2 months ago) is coming back into town tomorrow. He'll be staying until next Tuesday. Jesse hasn't seen him since he left, and I'm glad they are getting to do this together. Plus, both boys will be back Sunday in time for Father's Day, and I'm glad they get to be there for their dad. Furthermore, Jesse has always been close to my brother, David, and it's looking right now like David is going to be moving 1600 miles away to New Mexico in a few months. So, this will be a way to do something cool with him before he goes.

David moving is a really big deal for me. David is my only sibling, just as Michael is Jesse's only sibling. David and I are only 14 months apart and have been close for most of our lives, especially once we both became adults. We hang out at least once a week, talk frequently, and have all mutual friends. David went to college about 2 hours away in the fall of 2007. He had already been out in the "working world" for 3 years, but wanted to go to school and pursue further education. He was more into the social part of it than the academic part, though, and after skipping WAY too many classes in order to hang out with friends, he ended up flunking his first year of college and not being allowed to come back the following year. This is why he moved in with us in April 2008 and stayed for the next 5 months. He only moved out at that point because September was the previously agreed upon time for him to live there. So, he jumped around from house to house and then settled in with some friends. During this time, he's seriously lacked some motivation and failed to look for a job. When the economy continued to go downhill, it got to the point where finding a job, now that he wanted one, was nearly impossible. He was really unhappy with his life, feeling as though he'd messed everything up and let everyone around him down. But rather than making it right, he got stuck in that downward spiral.

It wasn't until recently that he started making corrective actions to settle his debts and work towards a goal. It was then that he decided to apply to New Mexico State University. The reason why he applied for this school is because my dad is a Dean there for the Health and Public Services department. My brother would get his tuition half off because of my dad's position in the school. Furthermore, after doing his financial aid application, it looks like he would receive all of the aid he needs in grants and scholarships, being able to complete his first year of college debt-free. He'd even have $3000 left over for personal use AND he'd be living with my dad who he hasn't seen in years. He'd be living there rent-free as well, only pitching in for some of the utilities. It all seems like a pretty good deal for him. As of right now, the only thing he's waiting on is to be officially accepted to the university. It doesn't appear that they'd have any reason not to accept him, though.

The problem? My little brother... my only brother would be 1600 miles away from me. He would be leaving in just about 2 months (not very much notice). And school would start just 5 days before my due date. My brother wouldn't be here for the birth of his one and only nephew. In fact, he'd only be able to come home on holidays for the first 4 years of Josiah's life (if everything works out for him to stay in school there that long). David had considered beginning this whole process about a year and 1/2 ago, but knowing that Jesse and I were trying to conceive, he decided to fore go the opportunity so that he wouldn't miss out on the birth of his niece or nephew. Now that I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant, though, he's decided it's his best option and has decided to go for it. ** SIGH ** I know it's good for him. It just makes me sad to think about...

And, I talked to my dad about coming up for the birth of his grandson too. Growing up, I was Daddy's Little Princess. We were really close. I even changed my favorite colors to be what his were because I admired him that much. I have some REALLY great memories of him as a kid. He was an amazing dad until my parents divorced when I was 10. Then he totally changed. My worship-leading, God-fearing, family-oriented dad quit going to church and began living a very sinful life. He still talks the talk, but his walk is no longer the example I want to follow. I love my dad very much, but I find having a relationship with him very difficult. When I've tried to email him and let him know what's going on, I am often met with guilt-trip laden remarks of how long it's been since I last talked to him. He fails to recognize that the internet or phone works both ways and that he didn't email or call me either. I feel like my efforts aren't good enough. So, I get frustrated and give up. In the 9 years that I've lived in Oregon, I saw my dad at my high school graduation in June 2003. I saw him at my brother's graduation in June 2004. And I saw him at my wedding, when he walked me down the aisle in June 2007. Three times in 9 years. My dad was very influential in my reason for completing college. He always challenged me to do my best in school and to go as far as possible. When I graduated with my bachelor's degree in psychology in May 2008, though, he couldn't come up because it interfered with his own school's graduation. And, now, when I invited him to come up and be here for the birth of his grandson in August/Septmeber, his response is that this is when school starts for him and he'll have to "see how the semester goes". The truth is, though, that I know if he doesn't plan it out ahead of time, it won't happen. And if he doesn't make the effort to come at this time, he'll never come. And while I understand how it may interfere with the timing of his school's schedule, I also think that he's ranked high enough in the faculty to pull some strings when he has something really important to attend to. I was just really disappointed at the response I received from him. I know that if he doesn't come up for the birth of my baby, he's not coming up for any of Josiah's future birthdays, let alone any holidays or graduations or weddings 20 years from now or anything. He'll only know my son from the occasional pictures he sees of him. I think that's sad. When I told my mom, I said, "Well, it's his loss, though." And my mom responded, "Yeah, but it still hurts, doesn't it?" She knows all too well what it's like to have a distant relationship with her dad. I could barely fight back the tears.

To end on a happier note, though, I have my very last childbirth class tonight. I think I already mentioned what it's about in a recent blog, but, regardless, I'm sure I'll post about it tomorrow anyways. And, I have my first every-two-week OB appointment on Thursday. I'm not sure how this one will be different than the previous ones. I don't think I'm far enough along for her to start checking if I'm dilated or anything. I'm sure she'll just start keeping a closer eye on how big my measurements are and how I'm progressing. This will also give me the opportunity to sit down with her one-on-one and discuss plans for the birth if she's out of the office. I'm almost 100% sure I'll just have an on-call doctor deliver, but it'll be good to discuss all of my options.

And, in the pregnancy development, I briefly mentioned that I am 30 weeks pregnant today! That's a big milestone, I think. According to the emails I receive about the baby's development, he should be at least 3 lbs, 12 oz. He's about 16 inches long. All of the little hairs on his body are going to start falling off (that way my baby won't be so hairy when he's born). And, I thought it was interesting that it mentioned his vision. He can open and shut his eyes. I recently read that he may even be able to decipher silhouettes of people if the lighting is just right. But, today the email said that his vision isn't very good at this point, and even at birth, babies only have 20/400 vision, meaning that what I can see at 400 feet away, my baby would need 20 feet away to be able to see. Put even more simply, they can't really see things clearly unless they are really close up. I'm not sure how long this takes to improve, but I suppose this is why solid colors, specifically black, white, and red are easier for babies to detect. Anyways, the countdown is on... 70 days to go!