Challenge Day #4

#4 My Parents....

My momma:

 

(I was 3 days old in this pictures. Don't I look just like my mom? She was the same age as I am now in this picture.)

(This is my favorite picture of all time.)

My mom is my best friend. I love her so much! As a teenager we had our typical battles, back when she thought my brother David was her favorite child. Now that she knows better, we have grown to be really close. My mom knows EVERYTHING about me. We usually talk every day, even multiple times a day. Many people cringe when they think of turning out just like their parents, but I would find it to be an honor to be compared to my mom. When my parents split up, my mom was a great example of a Godly woman who trusted in Him to be her rock when her world was crumbling around her. Through her, I learned that God always meets your needs. She has the most generous heart of anyone I know, and I'm slowly learning from that, hoping to be as much of a blessing to others as she has been to me.

(My mom, brother, and me at 15 years old)

 

My mom is my right-hand party planning partner. She is where all of my creative talents came from, and I think our abilities make each other better. Of course, she's not perfect. Sometimes she drives me absolutely crazy. But it's probably mostly because she's so much like me. I know so many people who have strained relationships with their moms and I am so thankful of the friend I have in mine.

My dad:

My dad is a whole 'nother story, one that is kinda sad to me. When I think back to my early childhood, I feel like it was the most ideal one I could imagine. My dad was the music pastor at our church. My mom was in the choir. We were your typical American family with one girl and one boy, living in the Bible belt of Texas. I was Daddy's Little Princess. I have fond memories of wrestling with my dad and thinking I was so strong because he let me win, of playing Nintendo (the original one) and braiding his 90's skullet into dreadlocks (lol). I changed my favorite colors to whatever my dad said were his because I wanted to be just like him. The value he placed in academic success pushed me to not only go onto higher education but graduate both high school and college with honors. Through my parents, I learned what a real loving marriage looked like. They were a wonderful example of a man who lifts his wife up as holy and blameless before God and a wife who unconditionally supports her husband in loving submission to God. But their marriage wasn't perfect, and even though my mom made legitimate mistakes in their marriage, I believe that my dad ultimately allowed fear to tear them apart after 15 years of marriage. 

He changed a lot after that. He quit going to church after being hurt by the leadership who should've helped him. My dad that had raised me in church since birth and been a spiritual leader in our home began dating woman after woman, including moving in with my mom's best friend. He began smoking again and his speech became profane and even vulgar at times. While he would, still to this day, deny that his belief in God is any less than before, his lifestyle does not line up with the Word of God. He is now ending his 3rd marriage while living with his current girlfriend. 

Since my mom, brother, and I moved to Oregon 10 years ago, I have seen my dad three times, for maybe a total of 7 days or so. He attended my high school graduation, David's high school graduation, and he walked me down the aisle on my wedding day. 

 

But our relationship has never been what it was when I was little. I felt guilt-tripped every time I called or emailed because it wasn't frequent enough, when he, in return, never called for emailed me. So I gave up trying. I wanted my dad to be there at the time of my college graduation and at Josiah's birth, but he had excuses of how his schedule didn't allow him to be. I felt that he could've made it a priority if he wanted to, and that if he didn't come for those events, there'd be no reason for him to ever come back to see me. I was really hurt by those choices and had a lot of bitterness towards my dad for many years. Our current relationship consists of text messages on holidays and greeting cards with his name signed on them for birthdays. 

In recent months, though, I've come to understand how my dad's upbringing has shaped who he is today. He suffered a lot of abuse from stepfathers and lived in and out of boys' homes. I understand now that my dad doesn't know how to let people close to him after being hurt by everyone who ever was close to him. I can't blame a man for not showing me love when he grew up not knowing what love was himself. And while he was, at one time, a wonderful loving father, he's still been wounded. He could've allowed his past to make him abusive as well, or to block himself off from love his entire life, but he was the best father he knew how to be. It makes me sad to think that we will probably never have the relationship I would want to have, but I'm thankful for having the father that I do have, who has shaped who I am today, both through his negative and positive example. 

I love my parents and believe that they gave me the best upbringing that they could, despite of and because of everything that they are.