Drama

I love to watch reality shows! I get wrapped up in the character's lives and find myself invested in the people, rooting for the underdogs and booing the bad guys. Even the trashiest of shows make it to my DVR because after the first episode, I just HAVE to see what happens next.

In addition, I'm a natural talker. I want to share everything going on in my life, hear everything about your's and talk about everyone else's lives too. My intention isn't to gossip or put people down. I just want to know what's going on (although I'll admit that gossiping or putting people down are sometimes unfortunately a part of these conversations).

I graduated college with a bachelor's degree in psychology because I love people. I'm fascinated by their behavior and the reasons behind such behavior.

The drama involved in these human relations and behavior is not only natural but intriguing. And I get wrapped up into the cat fights, love-hate relationships, and competition very easily. I LOVE IT!

However...

When the drama enters into my life, I HATE IT! I hate any conflict between me and someone else. I hate when people are mad at me. I hate being mad at them. I hate the hurt feelings, the misunderstandings, the awkwardness, the confusion, the tears, everything.

And right now, I'm smack dab in the middle of probably the biggest drama I've ever experienced. I feel like I can't even fully talk about it on my blog because of all of the people that I know in real life who may read this, the person involved included! I certainly can't talk about it on facebook. I can barely even hint at it on facebook because there are SO MANY people who are connected to it there. And that makes me feel even more torn and distressed because it's my flippin' blog and I want to say whatever I want to say. I wish that I could make certain posts password protected so that I could not be so vague or censored, but blogger doesn't offer that option. And I don't think it's necessary for me to begin another blog just to rant and rave to my heart's content.

In short, someone who I considered my best friend decided that they needed to change their definition of friendship because they had unhealthy expectations of their friends. But in the midst of it, I got my feelings really hurt and felt completely betrayed. I decided that I couldn't go from best friends to acquaintances, let alone close friends, after months of not talking and so much hurt and confusion. But when I broke off the friendship, they got their feelings hurt and blame me for not being able to maintain a friendship like nothing ever happened. I think that's an unreasonable expectation. And so we keep going back and forth about who was right and wrong and who hurt whose feelings. I feel like our conversations are only perpetuating the problem and causing more hurt instead of healing. And now the ball's in my court for the next response and I don't even want to say anything back because I'm tired of it all and feel like it's pointless at this point.

I've spent most of the last 18 hours in tears. My head hurts. My heart hurts. I'm angry. And I'm tired of it all. I've been praying a lot about it all, and even though I'm doing the best I know how to do, I feel even more confused and angry at this point than I did before.

I hate drama. Period.