18 Months and another 9

Josiah just turned 18 months at the end of February. We had his 18 month wellness check this last Wednesday. He is now 31 lbs, 6 oz, (14.23 kg, for Marcia) which is the 96th percentile and 34 inches (86.4 cm) which is the 86th percentile. He's just a big boy! Developmentally, Josiah seems right on track. He was able to do most everything on the survey, and the only things he couldn't do were mostly things I haven't even tried to teach him. Although he doesn't appear to have any signs of hearing loss, we are going to have his hearing tested because he had so many ear infections in his first year AND his eardrum seemed to be retracted a bit when the dr looked at them. My understanding is that a retracted eardrum is caused by negative pressure in your ear and can be normal with ear infections. So, we have an appointment on March 21st with the ear, nose, and throat specialist for another hearing test. He did not do well when he had it tested last July, but he also had fluid in his ears at the time. He seemed to not have many infections after this, so we never pursued anything further, but it's possible that he's had more infections and we have just been unaware of it. Josiah also has absolutely no signs of autism and seems to be overall healthy. He did have 3 shots of vaccines. He screamed and fought, but got over it by the time we left the clinic and has shown no side effects since.

After I left the dr's office, I decided to buy a pregnancy test since I was pretty sure my period was late. We've been trying to conceive for 8 months now and were planning on waiting until June to go on Clomid again so that it would be a full year of TTC. My dr was willing to give it to me earlier, but I wanted to make sure my blood pressure was down (which it has been) and work on getting a little healthier. I also wasn't feeling it necessary to rush a pregnancy, as I was fine either way. So, I kept expecting my period to arrive and when it didn't, I assumed my calculations were off and it'd start the next day.... and then it didn't. So, I took a test and this is what I saw:

I sent Jesse this picture on his phone and wrote, "Looks like Josiah is going to be a big brother!" He later told me that he started laughing and then teared up. His boss, who was right there, was confused by his reaction to the text message, so Jesse explained what it was. He called me right then and asked me all about it. I told my brother, mom, and closest friends, and then the next day posted it on facebook. I have received A LOT of positive feedback, but there are two people in particular who my heart just goes out to. One is my cousin who  got pregnant at the time I was due with Josiah, but miscarried shortly after his birth. She has yet to get pregnant since then, and while there are a number of reasons and she's not even officially trying, I know that she's happy for me but cried a little bit in sadness for herself. She told me that she still was praying that I'd get pregnant before her (I think because she knows how much more deeply it emotionally affects me than her) and I said I was praying for her to get pregnant first. We laughed saying that God obviously answered HER prayer rather than MINE. And while she can celebrate with me, I also hate that my joy brings her any amount of sadness. The other person my heart goes out for is one of my close friends who has been trying to have a baby for... 3 years?... now. She's really private about her struggles and rarely says anything about it, but she happened to say a few weeks ago that she's been bombarded with pregnancies and baby showers and it was starting to get to her. I chose to announce my pregnancy publicly rather than say something to her privately because it would give her the option of not responding without being put on the spot, which I am completely fine with. Then tonight she wrote on her status that it seemed like everyone was pregnant but her. Being that my best friend Jolyn is about 4 months pregnant right now and that we are all in the same close social circle, that only amplifies our pregnancies and her lack of one. Plus, even though Jolyn and I both went through infertility, we are now both pregnant with our 2nd children before she got pregnant with her first. I did comment on her status, letting her know that I do care, but I know that my words probably mean very little. Jolyn said she DIDN'T comment for this very reason. I know, for the most part, what she is experiencing and I still have that infertile heart, but I know that I couldn't confide in someone who was "on the other side" when I was in the midst of it. So I hate that she's experiencing any amount of pain or hurt because of me.

Aside from that, I called my OB's office for my first prenatal appointments. They don't even want to see me until 8-9 weeks which is vastly different than last time! In fact, the receptionist told me I was "barely pregnant" when she discovered that I'm only 4 weeks along. So, at 10 weeks on April 13th, I will see the nurse for my 

pre-OB appointment. Then I will meet with Dr. Haugen at 13 weeks on May 2nd for my first OB appointment and hear the heartbeat for the 1st time. (I had already heard Josiah's heartbeat and had an ultrasound at 6 weeks before!) And, I should find out in June what the sex of the baby is, and then am due November 8th. I always wanted a November baby as Jesse's, mine, and my mom's birthdays are in November and it's my favorite month.

I'm still pretty shocked. Jesse and I both were certain that we would need Clomid and weren't expecting it before that. I think Jesse felt a sense of relief that we COULD get pregnant without medication, even though it still took longer than average. Talking about my pregnancy makes it seem a little more real, but otherwise I feel completely normal. I felt normal with Josiah until 10 weeks when I began throwing up everyday for the rest of my pregnancy, so I'm anxious (in a sorta frightened way) about beginning to experience morning sickness this time. Jesse and I are really hoping for a girl this time, but I would not be disappointed if I ended up with a 2nd boy. I feel fairly certain that another boy would be named Judah Michael. We had originally planned on McKaiya Raelynn for a girl, but since McKaiya and Josiah rhyme, I'm worried about it sounding corny and am considering new options.

Our house is pending a sale right now. We're waiting on the bank to approve the offer after appraising our house, which should be another 2 months or so, and then we'll be moving to a new place. We have a plan to save money during the upcoming months in order to pay 3-6 months worth of rent upfront as well as buy a bigger car in the next year. There are some uncertainties about the future and some subsequent fears, but we believe that this pregnancy is in God's timing, so we are trusting in Him to guide us through this year. And, in the meanwhile, we are going to take each day one at a time.   :-)